Mixed Feelings
by ducainefan
Summary: What was really behind the EricCalleigh kiss on the cheek, and what's really going on with Horatio and Calleigh? Major spoilers for Season 5 and 6.
1. Chapter 1

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Subject: H/C relationship, E/C friendship

Rating: M (to be safe)

Summary: What happened after Calleigh kissed Eric (on the cheek)? (Spoilers for Season 5's "Just Murdered" be here!)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters on CSI:MIAMI, nor am I making any money off this - as a matter of fact I don't make much, so please don't sue!

Miami-Dade Crime Lab – April 2007

Eric Delko was stunned. Had Calleigh Duquesne — the Calleigh Duquesne he'd worked with all these years — kissed him? Granted, it had been on the cheek, Eric thought, but part of him was dazed and slightly giddy.

"What was that all about?" asked a familiar voice. Eric tensed up immediately, turning to see Natalia Boa Vista before him.

"Nothing," he stammered, but deep down he hoped it was something – could be something more than just a peck on the cheek. He hadn't felt that appreciated in quite some time, and he intended to do something about it.

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The gossip spread like wildfire. Were Delko and Calleigh a couple? Whispers between other observant CSIs indicated that word had gotten around about that friendly peck on the cheek. That incident, coupled with the way Calleigh had been hovering over Delko since his return, started rumors flying – all the way back to the office of Horatio Caine.

"Hey, H," Delko started, a case file in his hand. Horatio was looking out his office window, his eyes squinting. "I just wanted you to know Tripp booked that pool boy."

"Thank you, Eric," Horatio replied, turning and taking the file from him.

"Listen, H, I – I wanted to thank you, for havin' my back. My doc just testified on my behalf, and I guess the judge thought her word was good enough to keep me off desk duty."

"Good to hear," Horatio said, looking down. Eric could tell he had something to say, but for some reason was hesitant.

"Somethin' up, H?"

"Eric, I know it hasn't been long since … the shooting," he said, looking up. "I just wanted to ask how you were doing – how you were adjusting."

"I'm gettin' along OK. I have you guys to thank for that."

"There's no need," Horatio said. His hesitancy was still apparent, and Eric could tell that there was something else on his boss's mind.

"Listen, H, what's goin' on?"

"I uh — "

"Hey, if it's about those crazy rumors goin' around about me and Calleigh … I just want you to know that it's not affecting our professional relationship."

Horatio looked up, and Eric could see a hint of shock in his eyes. "Are you saying … that you and Calleigh are…"

Eric smiled and looked down. "I don't know, H, I don't know… I just got this feelin' – She's been so great since I got back, helpin' me out, havin' my back. And then the other day …" Eric was blushing now, embarrassed to be talking about Calleigh like this to Horatio, but he knew H wouldn't break their trust. "She kissed me."

Horatio's eyebrows went up, and he was surprised that Eric was even sharing this with him. He supposed their closeness in Rio had brought them to a point where Eric felt comfortable enough to tell him these things – like asking advice from an older brother. But what Eric didn't know was that they were both pining after the same woman — and, as the great dramas of the past have foretold — that never bodes well for a friendship.

Eric was still smiling, looking down, and didn't notice the concerned look on Horatio's face. "I mean, it was just on the cheek – but I don't know, it felt like there could be more, you know?"

Relief flooded through Horatio as he ducked his head. He should've known. Calleigh was always so sweet, and her good intentions could often border on flirtation. Considering the low that Delko hit this week, Horatio wasn't surprised that Calleigh would offer such a sign of affection. He chastised himself for doubting her.

"Hey, H," Delko said, startling Horatio out of his thoughts. "Can we keep this between us. Mano y mano?"

"Of course," Horatio said, feeling a slight pang of guilt. He wanted Eric to be happy, and didn't want to mislead him. But he and Calleigh had had a long discussion, and there was no getting out of the promise he made to her. If anyone was going to break it to Eric, it would have to be her.

"So … you think I got a shot? I mean, she's way out of my league, I know, but she's the best friend a guy could have, and that's gotta count for somethin'."

Horatio looked at him with sad eyes. "Maybe you should ask her yourself," he said quietly. He was torn – he wanted Eric to be happy, but not this way.

Eric was too consumed by his own thoughts to fully register Horatio's tone. "I – I think I will ask her, thanks H!" Eric said as he waved, walking out the door. Horatio sighed, turning to look out the window. He wondered if he had done the right thing.

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"Hey Cal, wait up," Eric called as he ran to the front steps of the Miami-Dade crime lab. It was quitting time, and Calleigh had been heading to her Hummer to call it a day.

"Hey Eric," she replied, a broad smile on her face. She was happy to see him so relaxed and focused after this last case – he was almost back to his normal self – almost. "What can I do for you?"

"I, uh, I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight…"

"Plans? I, um…"

"I mean, just if you wanted to hang out tonight … like old times, you know?"

"You know, for you Eric, I think I could do that," she replied with a smile. "I just have to rearrange some things first …"

"Hey, I don't wanna put you through any trouble," Delko began.

"It's no problem, babe" Calleigh said sweetly.

Delko grinned. 'Maybe she does feel somethin' for me,' he thought to himself. "So, am I crashin' some big plans you had or somethin'?"

"Not exactly," she said carefully. "I just – I have to make a phone call, if you'll excuse me for sec."

"Uh, yea, sure," Delko said, his curiosity piqued. Calleigh went to walk toward her car, but stopped suddenly.

"I'll tell you what – why don't we meet at Café San Marco at, say, 8 p.m. – That sound good?"

"Yea, yea, that's perfect," Delko replied. "I, uh, I'll see you there."

Calleigh nodded, smiling and giving a wave as she started to dial on her cell phone and headed toward her Hummer. Delko just stared after her, a large grin growing on his face.

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"Hey," Calleigh said into her cell phone as she drove down the streets of Miami to her apartment. "It's me. Just wanted to tell you that we're gonna have to postpone things tonight – Eric wanted to go out, and with the week – hell with the year he's had, I think it'd be good for him. Call me when you get this, handsome."

She hung up the phone, her thoughts starting to wander to the case they'd just closed out. It had cropped up some pretty painful memories – memories that she was hoping to put out of her mind tonight.

'Everybody has their problems,' Calleigh whispered to herself. 'Just look at poor Eric.' She sighed. Things had been so difficult at the lab without him, and she was determined to make sure he got back on his feet. She was his friend, and had watched him grow from a young newbie to a damn good CSI – she wasn't going to let him go, not without a fight. That's why she'd agreed to go with him tonight, even though it pained her to cancel her other plans.

'Things will get better,' she tried to reassure herself. Today, she felt as if that actually might happen – seeing Eric all smiles, intent on solving the case – more focused than he'd been since he'd come back to work. He was slowly coming back to himself, and she wasn't going to let him down.

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Eric was sitting in a booth at the Café San Marco, fiddling with a napkin, when he saw Calleigh walk in. She gave him another 1,000-megawatt smile as she sat down across from him.

"Hey," she said. "See anything good on the menu?"

"Huh?" Eric said, somewhat dazed. He was slowly being blown away by her beauty, which he was allowing himself to see for the first time.

"Babe, you OK?" she asked, noticing his bewilderment.

"I – yea, I'm fine," he said. "I just – you look … beautiful," he said softly.

"Well, aren't you sweet," she replied, still smiling. "So, what's on your mind, Eric?"

"What?" he said, looking up, somewhat surprised.

"I mean, it's just that we haven't … hung out … in a long time, and I just wanted you to know … if you want to talk, I'm here."

"Thanks, Cal," he said, tears starting to form in his eyes. While he did have a reputation as a "playa," Eric was always a very sensitive man at heart. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, and was never normally afraid to say what he felt. Right now, however, the words weren't coming.

"Hey," Calleigh said, gently reaching for his hand, "you know you can tell me – what's goin' on? Does it have something to do with that case – with your court appearance?"

"No," he said quickly, looking down at their hands. "I just … I wanted to thank you, again, for being there."

"Any time," Calleigh replied, squeezing his hand before letting it go.

"And," Delko continued, swallowing and trying to summon up his courage, "I wanted to say … that I was hoping, I was hoping maybe we could …" He trailed off, laughing nervously, not sure how to put his feelings into words.

Calleigh watched him closely, and could sense a tension building. "It's OK, Eric, what is it?" she urged.

"I – I was wonderin' if you wanted to be more than … more than just friends," he rasped, looking into her eyes.

Calleigh was blown away. She chastised herself for not seeing this coming. Eric had the sweetest look on his face – like a lost puppy, she thought. But Calleigh knew that if she told him the truth, it would break his heart. And she remembered all too clearly what had happened the last time she told a man that she just wanted to be friends.

"Why, I - I'm flattered," she said, stuttering slightly.

"And?" Eric said hopefully.

"And," Calleigh started carefully, "I'm very lucky to have you."

"Nah, it's – it's the other way around," he said. "So, so does this mean you'll think about it?"

Calleigh looked down. She couldn't hide anymore, couldn't pretend. She couldn't lie to one of her best friends.

"Uh oh, what is it Cal? Did I – did I speak outta turn?"

"No, no," she said quickly. "It's just that, there's a lot going on in my life right now…"

"You can always talk to me," he tried to reassure her. "I'm here for you, too, you know."

"I do know that, Eric, and I appreciate it, believe me…"

"But…"Eric said, his brows furrowed.

Calleigh sighed. "Eric, you were there for me when John – when all that went down. I – I don't ever want to go through that again."

"You won't Cal – I promise. I'm not suicidal – I feel like a new man, like I've been given this second chance to make everything in my life right," he said, grasping her hand. "You helped realize what a gift this whole thing has really been – it's opened my eyes in a way. I – I love you, Cal…"

"Oh, Eric," she said, squeezing his hand. "I – I wish I could tell you …"

"Tell me what, Cal?"

"Tell you … that I think the world of you, that I was so scared of losing you …" her voice trailed off as she pursed her lips nervously. She was getting caught up in her emotions, but also trying to stall the inevitable.

Eric realized she was holding something back. "Calleigh, what is it? What's goin' on? Please tell me."

"We can't see each other, Eric," she said flatly. She watched as Eric's face fell and he let go of her hand. "Eric, I'm so sorry, I really am." 

"No, no it's OK, it was just – I was just …" He looked down, embarrassed. "Is it because we work together?"

"Well, that's part of it," she started.

"Yea," Eric said softly. "I never really thought about us, you know, bein' a couple – til the other day …"

"Oh my gosh, Eric, I am sorry if I misled you —"

"No, hey, Cal it's not you're fault," he said, looking into her eyes. "I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship – I still don't."

"We're still close, Eric," she reassured him. "I'm still here for you … I'm sorry I can't be there for you the way you want me to be right now."

"Right now?" he said, a tinge of hope in his voice. "So maybe, maybe things'll change?"

"Eric … I guess we never know what's going to happen to us. Right now I just want to appreciate this time we have. You know, good friends are hard to find."

"Yea, yea they are, Cal," he said, a hint of a smile returning. "Thanks for being such a good one." Calleigh smiled back.

"Excuse me," said the waitress who was standing by their booth. They both looked up, wondering how long she'd been there. "Are you two gonna place an order, or is this one to go?"

"We're stayin'," Calleigh said, looking over at Eric.

"Yea," he said with a grin. "Yea, we're stayin."

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Calleigh sighed as she began to get ready for bed. Looking in the bathroom mirror, she started to remove her makeup, thinking about the exchange between herself and Eric. She and Eric had had a long talk about some of his struggles – and a few of her own. He was a good friend, and she was glad she had been able to let him down easy – and without letting him in on her secret.

As she wiped away the remainder of her eyeliner, she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist from behind, and soft lips brush against her neck.

"So, I heard that Mr. Delko and yourself had quite the time at Café San Marco tonight," said a low voice that Calleigh was all too familiar with. She giggled as she looked in the mirror, seeing that the man's eyes showed no signs of jealousy or concern.

"Horatio," she chuckled, grasping one of the hands that were wrapped around her waist. "What exactly did you hear?"

"Well, ma'am," he began, putting on his "interrogation" face, "Word on the street has it that the two of you had a _very_ intimate meal, and that while you left separately, your car was headed toward his side of town …"

"Hmmm … I suppose those are some pretty incriminating allegations, but have you looked at the evidence, lieutenant?" she asked playfully.

"I believe the most important piece of evidence is standing right in front of me," he whispered. "And I intend to examine it – very thoroughly."

She giggled at his innuendo. They had always had a way of reading each other – knowing what the other was thinking. She turned from the mirror, facing him as he continued to hold her. She looked into his eyes, and could tell there was something still nagging at him.

"Horatio," she began. "What do you want to know?"

"I – I trust you Calleigh," he started.

"I know you do, but you're still trying to piece something together, aren't you?" He grinned, looking down. He could never hide from her. "I can tell by the way your eyebrows are furrowing – which is very cute by the way."

He gave her a smile for that, and sighed. "Well," he started, "I was wondering how Eric took it …"

"I didn't tell him," she said.

"But how —"

"I started to explain, but he cut me off, asking if it was because we worked together. I said that was part of it …" 

"I see," Horatio said, drawing her closer. "So he still doesn't know about us."

"No," she said quietly. "I just – I can't believe I didn't see this coming, Horatio. I should've never misled him …"

"Sweetheart, you didn't do anything wrong," Horatio reassured her. "You were trying to comfort a friend, to give him support."

"I know," she sighed. "It's just – things between you and I, they happened so suddenly, and I was afraid."

"Afraid that we'd made a mistake?" Horatio asked, his eyes searching hers intently.

"No, no," she said quietly. "I mean, at first, yes, that was a concern … but it's just … I could see myself reflected in Eric tonight…"

"I – I don't understand," Horatio started.

"Relax handsome," she replied, bringing her right hand up to his face. "What I mean is, I don't know what I would've done if you'd said no to me all those months ago…"

"I see," Horatio said, taking her hand. "I never meant to put you in this position, Calleigh. I should've been watching over Eric more carefully myself…"

"You're getting that lawyer disbarred, Horatio, I think you're doing just fine," she replied with a smile. "The three of us are good friends, but I've always known that there was a special closeness between you and I. I felt it since … well, let's not bring up bad memories…"

"I agree," Horatio said quietly, squeezing her hand. "But I do think we are living quite dangerously."

"You're thinking about how much longer we can keep this a secret?"

"I'm thinking," Horatio said, "about how much longer I want to." He leaned down, kissing her gently. She lifted both hands to his face, pulling him in. After several long moments, they pulled away, gazing at each other again.

"Well, lieutenant, I think you've made your point," she said with a smirk. She sighed, her tone turning a bit more serious. "Do you think Eric is going to resent this?"

"I don't know," Horatio began.

"But you don't want to have to lie to him," she continued.

"I could never lie to him," Horatio said. "We formed a bond over the past year … I can't break that trust."

Calleigh moved a hand to brush back an errant strand of her hair, a nervous reaction that Horatio had picked up on. He stopped her hand in mid-motion, taking it in his own, and kissed it. "Horatio," she rasped, "I know … we've never discussed Marisol …"

Horatio closed his eyes at the sound of her name and swallowed. "I know," he whispered.

"If you're not ready, it's OK, it's just that with Eric —"

"I understand, and I don't want you to worry about it," he said, gently brushing the strand of hair away from her face. Calleigh looked down, and Horatio could sense her frustration. "Calleigh, I'm sorry, I —"

"Shhh," she said, putting a finger to his lips. "It's alright … I'll get you to open up to me eventually, handsome," she added with a half-smile.

"I have no doubt, sweetheart," Horatio rasped, pulling her close. "I have no doubt."

He held her near, thinking about how lucky he was to have her in his life. He kicked himself for his own guarded nature. He regretted that it took Calleigh coming to the brink of death not once but twice to get him to realize how important she was to him – both professionally and personally. First, she had been run off the road – and he had been on the other end of what could have been their last conversation.

'I think I can get you a shooter,' she had told him cheerfully. He trusted her enough to let her process the scene alone. She was his ace, and he knew he could count on her.

'Good work,' he began, but was cut off by a loud bang. He wasn't sure what had happened. 'Calleigh – Calleigh are you there?" he asked tensely. Horatio never lost his cool, but he was close breaking as he sprinted to the AV department.

'Mr. Cooper, I need to get the GPS coordinates for one of our vehicles – now, please,' Horatio said urgently. As Dan Cooper entered the ID number to Calleigh's Hummer, Horatio's heart sunk. On the map, it was plain to see that the vehicle was not only no longer moving, but it wasn't even on the road.

'Oh man,' Cooper said. 'That's sitting — '

'Right in the middle of the waters of the Everglades,' Horatio finished, dashing off to his own vehicle. He got on his cell immediately. 'I need dispatch, we have a possible officer down …'

Horatio drove for what seemed like an eternity, his knuckles turning white as they grasped the steering wheel. His siren roared as he sped down the main highway, cutting through the short cut Alexx had told him Calleigh had taken. 'She would be alright,' he told himself. 'She was always alright.' But dark thoughts ran through his mind – thoughts about losing Marisol, and his brother. He had handled their deaths by pushing them down, swallowing the pain, but he didn't know if he could take this blow – if he could deal with losing his best CSI, and, truth be told, his best friend.

As he pulled up to the spot where the coordinates placed the Hummer, Horatio was ready to dive into the water himself and get her out. He stopped the car and jumped out, surveying the area, and seeing the tire tracks. He swallowed hard, following the tracks to the water, and was about to remove his suit jacket and dive in when he caught a glimpse of blond hair to his left. She was safe.

He sighed and looked down, gathering himself, and then looked at her again. She was in shock, and hadn't even noticed him. She was staring at the water.

"Calleigh," he said quietly. "Calleigh," he began with more urgency, and she looked up at him. He removed his sunglasses, wanting to connect with her, to look into her eyes without any boundaries. "Calleigh?"

Their eyes locked, and he knew that she would be alright. He crouched down, moving close to her. "Rescue's on the way. I don't want you to move until we check you out."

"The evidence, it's um…"she started. He almost smiled. That was his Calleigh – putting the case before her own well-being.

"Right now, sweetheart, that's not important." And he meant it. As dedicated as he was to his profession — which he considered more of a vocation than a job — at that moment he realized nabbing the man involved would be a hollow consolation that could never make up for the loss of Calleigh Duquesne. That's something he had known for a long time — a point that was acutely hammered home after Tim Speedle's death – he had caught Speed's killer — shot and killed him during the commotion, in fact — but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

"But it's all been compromised," Calleigh continued. Horatio could tell she was shaken up, her right hand on her pulse, checking her heartbeat. He wanted so badly to hold her, but she still needed to be looked at.

"Yes, everything but you, ma'am," he said to her, standing, watching the ambulance pull up. "Over here," he called, as he turned back to Calleigh, kneeling down again. "Don't worry about this – it's going to be fine," he reassured her.

"I – I'm sorry," she said, looking down.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, this was not your fault, sweetheart," he replied.

"Lieutenant," the medic called, putting down his kit and kneeling next to Calleigh. "How long was she in the water?"

"I'm fine," Calleigh interrupted. "I broke the window and swam out, and I'm fine."

"You need to be looked at," Horatio insisted. Calleigh put her head down in resignation, sighing.

"Alright, let's get this over with so we can catch this SOB," she muttered as the medic took out a miniature flashlight and began examining the pupils of her eyes.

"I'm going to be right over there," Horatio said, pointing to the group of police cars that had just pulled up a few feet away. "If you need anything …"

"I'll be fine," she said, but her voice was still shaky.

Horatio nodded, standing up. He gave her one final glance before putting on his sunglasses and heading for the police cars. He pulled out his cell phone. "Eric, I need you in the glades. Calleigh was run off the road. She's fine, but we need to get this vehicle out of the water. Bring your wet suit." He snapped the phone shut and looked up to the sky, thankful that his CSI was still in one piece.

However, with Calleigh healthy and back at the lab, the case at hand soon took precedence over his personal feelings. He pressed on in the days and weeks that followed, trying to push back any romantic emotions he had for her – he had been doing that for so long that it was almost easy. Almost.

And then it happened. He'd gotten the call that Calleigh had been shot at the pier, but was alright. Horatio didn't understand until much later why Calleigh's second brush with death had affected him even more than the first instance.

Horatio was angry. He refused to go down to the pier – he didn't want to see her, to ask her if she was OK. Calleigh had gone without back-up, without even telling him. He knew the case was moving quickly, but that was no reason to put safety on the back-burner, especially when they were dealing with terrorists. Again, the case consumed him, and because of the limited amount of time they had to thwart the terrorists' efforts, he had been forced to take them out himself. And he had – one good shot to the gas tank was all it took. In the back of his mind, he had wished Calleigh – the surest shot in the state of Florida, at the very least — had been there to take the shot.

Afterwards, he ran into Calleigh in ballistics, as she filled out her final report.

"Knock, knock," he said, entering the lab.

"Hey, Horatio," she said with a smile. "I heard you made some shot, blowing up that semi today."

"I heard you had some excitement of your own," he began, his voice low.

"Yea … I, I was just following a lead and it went south," she said quickly, pursing her lips.

"Thank God for Kevlar," Horatio said flatly. He wanted Calleigh to know that he was not pleased, and he could tell it was sinking in.

"That's what Nat said," Calleigh replied quietly, looking back down at her report. She looked up suddenly, a fire of her own burning in her eyes. "Listen, Horatio, I know I didn't tell you about it, but I can hold my own, and I followed protocol to the letter…"

"Except the part about always bringing back-up to the scene," Horatio retorted.

"There was no time," she said, exasperated. "For all I know he could've had the bomb, or a nuclear device."

"And if he did, what would you have done? What could you have possibly done by yourself to stop him?"

"I – I just wanted to catch the guy – and it would've been fine if Jake hadn't tried to play hero."

"Apparently he wasn't the only one," Horatio said. "What were you trying to prove?"

"Excuse me?" Calleigh replied sharply, slapping her pen down and stepping close to him. They were eye to eye, facing each other. "I'm not trying to prove anything. I'm just trying to do my job – but that job becomes difficult when the people I work with don't communicate with me — when my boss decides to run off and try to save the world while I'm stuck following dead ends and bad leads."

"You're crossing a line," Horatio said tersely.

"Am I?" she retorted, holding her ground. "I've been following protocol since the day I stepped into this lab – what was it, 10 years ago now? And what's come of it? I've become a glorified babysitter – trying to hold down the fort while you're off exorcizing your personal demons. So forgive me if I wanted to follow a hunch for once."

Horatio was speechless. He had never seen her act this way. Finding no words, he simply turned and walked out.

That evening, he went down to the beach, a place he normally visited when he was troubled by something. Placing his hands on his hips, he looked out at the ocean, wondering how things had gone so wrong. He was distancing himself from the team – mostly because he felt Calleigh was doing a good job of training them on her own. Maybe he had put too much on her – he had left her holding the bag while he and Eric went to Rio.

They had always had such a good relationship – he couldn't understand where it had all gone so wrong.

"Horatio?" he heard a familiar voice call from behind him. He looked over his shoulder to see Calleigh walking toward him. She had a sad look on her face as she approached him. "Horatio," she said again, standing next to him. "Can we talk?"

"Always," Horatio said, removing his sunglasses.

"I'm sorry for today – I was out of line…"

"What's going on with you Calleigh?" Horatio asked gently, placing his hands on his hips and leaning in closer. "It isn't like you to throw protocol to the wind like that. You could've been killed."

"I know," she said quietly. "I was just so determined to make this case – to show Jake that I can handle myself …"

"I think he knows that already."

"It's just – What's happening to this team, Horatio? What's happening to you?"

Taken aback by the shift in conversation, Horatio took a step back. "I – I don't know what you mean…"

"I mean," Calleigh explained, "that ever since Rio, you've been very withdrawn – even before that. I don't mean to pry, but I'm worried about you…"

"I'm fine," Horatio said, looking out at the ocean. He knew she could tell it was a lie.

"Damn it," she whispered. "I can't keep this up. I can't keep trying to hold this team together while I wait for you to become whole again."

Horatio continued to stare at the ocean. He didn't want to give in to his emotions. He was capable of handling anything the world could throw at him – he'd swallow the pain and turn it into determination. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," he whispered, more to himself than to Calleigh.

"Do you really believe that?" she asked, and he could feel her burning gaze. He looked down.

"I used to," he said softly, making one of the most honest statements he'd made in a long time.

"Whatever's goin' on, Horatio, it's eating you up inside. I've known you for long enough to see that you're not getting past this." Horatio looked up at her, finally meeting her gaze as she continued. "If we're going to be a team, I need you on my side."

"You've got me," he said quietly.

"You know I don't like to tell people how to live their lives, but, as a friend, I'm asking you to listen … I think you need help, Horatio," she said hesitantly. "I don't think you've taken enough time to process … everything."

Horatio shook his head, looking away, but she insisted.

"When you went to Rio," she said, looking down, "you trusted me with the lab. Will you trust me on this?" She reached out and took his hand.

"I …" Horatio stared down at their fingers, which were interlocked. His pulse quickened as he thought about how fortunate he was to be holding her hand and talking to her, instead of breaking news to her father that she had been killed in the line of duty.

Calleigh looked up at him intently, and he couldn't help but give her small smile, squeezing her hand. She blushed, looking down, not knowing what to do next.

"Thanks, pal," Horatio whispered, his voice raspy. "I suppose I deserved that."

"You deserve a lot better, Horatio," she said, locking eyes with him.

"I'm…I'm glad I didn't lose you," he said softly. "Who could ever replace my bullet girl?"

"You'd get by, like you always do," she replied, touched by his words.

"No," Horatio said. "You're right, I haven't been … thinking clearly as of late."

"Maybe it's because you're trying to do this all by yourself," Calleigh said, moving closer. "I mean … You know I'm here … for you …"

"I do," he rasped. He nearly flinched when she reached up to touch his face, frightened of what it might lead to. He was surprised when she began to wipe away an errant tear that he had let escape. He didn't realize he'd been crying.

"Let me help you … Come here," she rasped, bringing him in for a hug. He couldn't find the strength to pull away. "You hang in there," she whispered into his ear, and he ducked his head, remembering the last time they'd been this close, his own words echoing back to him.

They held each other for several more moments, their eyes closed, trying to fend off their tears. "I love you," Calleigh whispered in a barely audible voice. Horatio's eyes opened, and he pulled back, looking at her. "I, um…" Calleigh started, trying to recover. "I'm sorry, that wasn't… I shouldn't have…"

"Calleigh," Horatio said softly. "Look at me, sweetheart." She looked up, nervous, shocked that she had just voiced her feelings aloud like that.

"I'm sorry, I said too much," she started.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," he interjected, taking both her hands. "I know I've been distant, but I've been thinking about things … I can't lose you, Calleigh."

"How do you mean, Horatio?" She was still nervous, biting her lip.

"I mean," he said, leaning in closer, "the hell with protocol." He bent his head, kissing her lips gently, his right hand caressing her face. Taken aback by his actions, Calleigh gasped, but soon moved into his embrace, returning the kiss fiercely. Finally, they both broke away, breathless.

"Where did that come from?" she asked, grinning.

"I don't – I don't know…" he said wistfully, looking down with a grin of his own. "From here, I suppose…" he said, bringing her hand to his heart.

"Cal," he said, "before this goes any further, I want you to know something…"

"What?" she asked, leaning into him.

"I love you, too," he said in a low voice, turning serious, "and I never want to see you hurt because of it."

"I'm a big girl," she reassured him. "I'll be fine."

He smiled sadly at her, remembering how Marisol had told him the same thing. "I don't want to cause you any undue pain," he continued.

"Shhh," she said, cutting him off. "OK, Horatio, listen to me. Promise me you'll keep this under wraps – we won't tell anyone. That way you won't need to worry about my safety, and I won't need to worry about the higher ups thinking I slept my way to the top."

"I promise," Horatio said. "Just between us…"

Calleigh stroked his face, drawing him into a gentler kiss that soon intensified. "Love you," Horatio rasped between breaths. They finally broke apart, hands still interlocked, and looked out over the ocean, watching the sunset.

-----------------------------------------------

"Earth to Horatio," Calleigh said, pulling him from his thoughts. She was still facing him, wrapped in his embrace, and gently smoothing her hand over his cheek. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Just about us … about how much we've come through this year … I'm lucky to have you, Calleigh," he said.

"Why thank you kindly, lieutenant," she drawled, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning in close. Turning serious, she looked Horatio straight in the eye. "We'll figure this out …"

"I know," he sighed. "I was afraid people might be catching on already."

"I know," she smiled. "We do work with a bunch of investigators, don't we?"

"Top-notch at that," he said, shaking his head. "I know this hasn't been easy, us staying apart on cases … I never meant to sacrifice our professional relationship…"

"You haven't," she replied, her hand stroking his face. "I mean, I've missed that part of it … but I knew it wouldn't be for that long, just until we thought of a way to sort this out."

"And we will," he said in a determined tone.

"Horatio, about Eric…"

"I told you, you don't have to worry about it—"

"Yes I do," she replied softly, her fingers stroking his hair lightly. "He's my friend, too … and this is about his friendship with me – I don't want to mess this up either, Horatio."

"Understood, ma'am," he said, pulling her close. "So, detective, any big plans for tomorrow evening?"

"Well," she said, looking up playfully. "There is a certain red-headed lieutenant I'd love to have a home-cooked meal with…"

"Hmmm," he said. "Who's cookin'?"

"I was thinking … Alexx?" They both laughed, then pulled each other in for another kiss.

---------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

Hey all,

I got some pretty good feedback on the first part (thanks!), so I just thought I'd post Part II before the next episode airs. Hope you guys enjoy it – please let know what you think! Thanks 

Here's the link to Part I:

http://groups. Feelings" – Part II

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: T

Subject: H/C relationship, E/C friendship

Summary: What happened after Calleigh kissed Eric (on the cheek)? (Spoilers for Season 5's "Just Murdered" and "Burned" be here!)

Part II Summary: Some missing scenes from "Burned," and what was really with the "look" between Eric and Calleigh at the crime scene.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters on CSI:MIAMI, nor am I making any money off this - as a matter of fact I don't make much, so please don't sue!

**Part II:**

"So … you and Calleigh, huh?" Natalia Boa Vista said nonchalantly as she and Eric Delko stared at the computer screen, waiting for a suspect to pop up in their latest case, which involved a house fire that was obviously anything but unintentional.

"What?" Eric said, half-laughing. Inside, he was thinking about how, just last week, he thought there could've been something, just like Nat was suggesting now. But after the talk he had with Calleigh at Café San Marco, he realized any romantic plans he had been thinking up were going to be put on hold – at least for now. She hadn't exactly said they couldn't see each other – just that they couldn't see each other _now_.

"I saw her kiss you," Natalia continued, a hint of jealousy in her voice. But she soon started smiling, and Eric couldn't help but return her grin.

"It was just a kiss on the cheek," he said shyly. In reality, he had hoped it would be more, but for now he would respect whatever reasons Calleigh had for not wanting to start a relationship.

Soon a suspect came up on the screen, leading the discussion back to business. But that conversation would continue to play in the back of his mind as he met up with Calleigh later on.

Eric was just filling Calleigh in on some of the details of the case when Calleigh decided their best course of action would be to go back to the crime scene.

"You wanna ride together?" she asked Eric sweetly.

"Sure," he said with a grin on his face. 'I sure hope she gets things figured out soon,' he thought to himself, 'because I am really starting to fall for her…'

----------------------------------------------

Calleigh was trying to figure out a way to best break the news to Eric. At first, she thought the drive to the crime scene might be a good time, but they both ended up discussing the particulars of the case. She had to admit, something wasn't sitting right with her on this one, but she felt like they were bound to find something back at the house. The closest they came to any personal discussion was Eric cracking jokes about Detective Frank Tripp's car.

As usually happened, the case took precedence over any private conversation she had wanted to have. She had told Horatio that she needed to deal with this, but she just couldn't find the right moment – duty always seemed to call. Until, that is, she and Eric arrived back at the crime scene later that day. She was snapping photographs by the door, and picked up a piece of glass, accidentally cutting herself.

"Here, let me see," Eric said softly. He held her finger gently, removing the glass. She noticed that he was holding onto her a little longer than he needed to, and that look in his eyes – it reminded her of the one he gave her at Café San Marco, right before he told her he loved her. She was conflicted – she cared for Eric, but she had to tell him the truth. Tears started to well in her eyes, realizing that she might hurt him, but knowing she really had no choice. She couldn't let him keep feeling this way about her. It wasn't fair to either of them.

"Eric," she said softly. She was about to tell him everything when he noticed something on the glass – or rather, something that wasn't there. And back to the case they went.

------------------------------------

"Wow, twice in one day, that's more than I've seen you in months," Yelina said incredulously.

Horatio ducked his head, not sure what to say. He had been concerned about how Eric might take the news of his relationship with Calleigh, but he hadn't even thought about telling Yelina. She had come back into his life so unexpectedly during this case, and he was caught off-guard.

"I'm sorry about that," he said in a low voice. He didn't know how to tell her that the main reason he stayed away was his relationship with Calleigh.

"It's OK," she said. "We've both had a tough year."

That much was true, Horatio thought, but having to tell Yelina – someone he loved and once thought he could have a romantic relationship with – that he was seeing someone else … he had wanted to plan it all out, the words, the explanation. He still cared deeply for her, and for Ray, Jr., but there were other considerations now.

"I wanted to ask you a favor," he started, changing the subject back to the case at hand. However, he would later go on to regret ever asking for that favor…

------------------------------

Calleigh hadn't seen Horatio all day, which wasn't really odd, as they had been trying to avoid working together to ensure that no one caught on to their relationship. But something seemed off, she thought. Something didn't feel right.

After she finished the final interrogation, she headed to Horatio's office to drop off her findings. Looking out his office window, she noticed that he was talking to a woman outside. Her heart jumped into her throat as she recognized the woman to be his sister-in-law.

Calleigh sighed, narrowing her eyes, trying to determine the tone of their conversation by their body language. She noticed Horatio turn and say something to Yelina, who then walked toward her car. Calleigh couldn't help the jealousy that sprung up within her, but she was determined to trust Horatio on this. If they didn't have trust, what did they have?

Shaking her head, Calleigh walked out of Horatio's office and toward the elevator door, just in time to hear IAB Sergeant Rick Stetler's words to Ryan Wolfe.

"You're fired," he said flatly to the young CSI.

Calleigh stopped dead in her tracks. 'What the hell is going on?' she thought.

"I need your gun and your badge," Stetler continued.

Calleigh's jaw dropped as she watched Ryan hand over his weapon and shield. She saw him whisper something, which just seemed to irritate Stetler more.

"You don't get it," he said mockingly. "All your cases have to be reviewed now. Criminals are gonna be walking the streets…"

Calleigh stood there, frozen, until the elevator doors closed on Ryan. She nearly sprinted over to Stetler, anger blazing in her eyes.

"What the hell just happened here?" she hissed.

"Why don't you ask Horatio," he said, walking away. Calleigh stared back at him in disbelief, then looked at the elevator doors. She was going to get to the bottom of this.

----------------------------------------

Horatio stared out the window, watching Ryan Wolfe leave. He wasn't sure how to feel about the situation. Ryan had lied to him – that much was certain. But it was the why that continued to nag at him. He knew Ryan was a good CSI – but he was impulsive, and this wasn't the first time he'd made a bad decision.

He was surprised when Ryan turned toward the window, feeling his gaze. Horatio wanted desperately to reassure him that things would be OK, but the reality was that he was down a CSI – and a dedicated one at that. He smiled slightly, trying to show Ryan that he still cared. But Ryan didn't seem to understand, or chose not to – he could tell by how he turned away and looked straight ahead, walking toward the cab.

"Horatio," Calleigh called from the hall, coming up to his side. His eyebrows went up and he turned suddenly. "I just heard Stetler fire Ryan," she continued. "What the hell is going on?"

Horatio sighed, looking down. "I'm not sure…"

Calleigh looked out the window, watching Ryan get into a cab. She caught his eye briefly, just as the cab was about to pull away. His hardened look softened as he saw her, and she could see the tears in his eyes.

"Horatio…" she insisted. "What happened?"

"Mr. Wolfe," he started, "has gotten himself in quite a mess."

"How so?" she rasped.

"It seems he was paying off a bookie today on the clock. A bookie who happened to be a suspect in our arson case today."

"I should've …" Calleigh said, stopping herself and shaking her head. "He should've come to me…"

"You don't seem surprised," Horatio noted. "Do you know something about all this?"

"Back in October, Ryan had gotten involved in that whole 'death pool' gambling ring," she explained. "I covered for him, but tried to explain that he needed to be careful. I guess I didn't do a very good job."

"We can't blame ourselves on this one, sweetheart, although I wish I would've known this sooner…"

"I'm sorry," she started. "It's just that you were …" she stopped herself. "I thought I had handled it."

"I understand," he said, turning toward her.

"I don't understand any of this, Horatio – just like that, he's gone?"

"I gave him a chance," he said. "I gave him a chance to explain himself and he lied to my face, Calleigh. I couldn't help him."

She shook her head. "I understood when he lied about his eye, but why wouldn't he confide in us about this?"

"That," he said, putting his hands on his hips, "is a question only Mr. Wolfe can answer."

Calleigh turned to the side, running her hands through her hair nervously. "So," she said quietly, looking up at him. "What do you want us to do?"

Horatio sighed. "Our jobs," he said, grasping her hand and squeezing it before walking away. She looked back at him – surprised that he'd even shown that small sign of affection at work. She noticed where he was headed — the locker room.

-----------------------------------------

Horatio grabbed the bag and walked over to Ryan's locker. Stetler had sent a patrol officer to gather Ryan's belongings, but Horatio made it clear to the patrolman that he would take care of it.

He stared at the nameplate for a long time, remembering the last time he had to do this. But Ryan wasn't dead, he thought. There was still hope for him, even if he wasn't on the team anymore. Maybe this is what needed to jolt him out of whatever trouble he'd gotten into — maybe this could be the springboard he needed to get on the right track. However, everything in Horatio gut told him otherwise. 'Would this only serve to push Ryan over the edge?' he wondered.

"Hey," a familiar voice called. Horatio turned, seeing Calleigh standing next to him. "Did you want me to help you with Ryan's things?"

Horatio's jaw clenched as he turned his away, shaking his head. "I can't believe …" he started.

"Hey," she said, gripping his hand. "Let me help you this time around, handsome."

"OK," he rasped quietly, nodding. "OK." He placed the bag on the bench and opened the locker. Calleigh reached in to pull out one of the two pictures that were taped to the door. It was from the lab's Christmas party this past year. They were standing in a semi-circle — Alexx, Calleigh, Eric, Ryan and Horatio — and seemed to be caught off-guard by Natalia, who, being the newbie, was the designated photographer.

"One big, happy family," Calleigh said, her voice filled with regret and a tinge of bitterness.

"Calleigh?" Horatio said, concerned.

"I'm sorry," she replied. "I just – I feel like I let him down. We were pretty close, but after everything happened with Eric … I couldn't keep an eye on both of them at once, you know?"

"I guess we're pretty bad parents, huh?" Horatio said, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Calleigh gave him a sad laugh, putting the picture in the bag. "Do you think he's gonna be alright?" she said quietly.

"I hope so," Horatio said, reaching into the locker to grab a shirt and slacks that were resting on the bottom of the locker. "If he's not careful, he may lose more than his job next time …"

"Let's just hope there won't be a next time," she said shakily, reaching in to take down the second picture— a shot of Ryan with his 6-year-old niece.

Horatio turned and glanced at the photograph. He'd never really gotten to know Ryan as well as he would've liked, he thought. "Who's that with him?" he asked curiously.

"That's his niece, Bella," Calleigh said. "She's a sweet girl. Likes 'Hello Kitty' apparently … Real sweet girl …" she said, trailing off.

"What have I done, Calleigh?" Horatio said sadly, sitting on the bench and putting his head in his hands. "What have I done?"

"Horatio," Calleigh started, sitting beside him, "there's nothing you could've done about this."

"I gave Stetler the tape," he said flatly.

"What tape? What are you talking about?"

Horatio sighed, folding his hands and bringing them to his lap. He leaned forward. "I had Yelina shadow our suspect, and that's how I found out about Ryan – through video that Yelina had taken…"

Calleigh sat quietly, looking at him, urging him to continue.

"I sat down with Ryan … explained the situation … tried to give him a way out … but once he lied to me, I had to turn it over to IAB … I didn't know what Ryan was involved in, but I couldn't let the lab suffer because of it. If it ever got out that this was covered up …"

"It's a hard spot to be in," she said carefully. Horatio could tell that Calleigh wasn't thrilled with his decision to give the tape to Stetler — of all people — but he also knew that she understood his reasons — at least he hoped she did. "It's not your fault," Calleigh continued, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I wish it felt that way," he said, shaking his head and looking down at his hands. Calleigh's hand came up to his face as she lifted his head. He turned toward her, meeting her gaze. "Calleigh," he rasped.

Calleigh leaned into him, kissing him gently on the lips.

"Hey, guys, I heard Wolfe —"

They both recognized the voice and pulled apart immediately, glancing toward the door. Eric stopped in his tracks as they both wondered if he had seen.

"Calleigh? H?"

"Eric…" Calleigh said carefully.

"Am I … what's goin' on?" Eric said, a hint of confusion in his voice.

"We're um … we were just cleaning out Ryan's locker," Calleigh explained.

Eric looked at Horatio, who was staring at the floor. "So it's true - Wolfe's out," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yea," Horatio said sadly.

"How'd it go down H?" Eric asked, his voice somewhat tense. Horatio wasn't sure if it was because of Ryan getting fired, or because Eric had just seen his boss — his brother-in-law — kissing Calleigh.

"It's a long story," Calleigh said, getting up and walking over to Eric. "I'll fill you in." She turned back to Horatio. "You gonna be OK?" she asked.

"Yea," he said. "I'll take care of this."

"OK," she said hesitantly. "I'll see you la — I'll see you," she replied. "C'mon Eric," she said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

Horatio watched them walk out, wondering if the day could get any more complicated.

----------------------------------------------

"So, Ryan's got some secrets of his own," Eric said, his arms folded. He and Calleigh were seated in the break room. "And, if I had to guess, I'd say he's not the only one…"

"What do you mean?" Calleigh replied guardedly.

"I saw you with H, Cal — I don't know what was goin' on, but it was pretty clear to me that you were sharing a very … intimate … moment."

"Eric," Calleigh started. "I – I don't know what to say…"

"So it's true? You two got somethin' goin' on?" Calleigh looked nervously, pursing her lips, trying to figure out what she should say. "Hey, it's cool," Eric said in a tone which made it clear that it was anything but that.

"I'm sorry," she replied. "I know this is awkward …"

"No," he replied, "No, the conversation at Café San Marco — that was awkward. This … this is just … unbelievable…"

"Eric, I never meant to hurt —"

"How long?" he said sharply.

"Eric, don't …"

"How long?" he insisted, his tone still terse.

"Eric, I'm going to tell you this, as a friend, but I want you to know – my personal business is my personal business."

"You bet this is personal," he hissed.

"He loved your sister, Eric…"

"They should've never gotten married …" he said sadly. "I don't know why Mari thought … I could feel it was all wrong."

"Eric, if you can remember that, then you can remember how happy your sister was with Horatio," she said, her voice strained. "I remember – I remember because I kept asking myself why, why would Horatio open himself up to a complete stranger? Why would he give his life to someone he hardly knew?"

"So, did he tell you?" Eric asked.

"I never asked," she said quietly. "Ultimately, it wasn't my place to question their relationship — and it wasn't yours either, Eric."

"She my sist—"

"Yes, she was your sister, Eric, but she deserved a right to choose her own path, just like anyone."

Eric sighed, tears forming. "It's just … I miss her …"

"I know," Calleigh said. "And I'm sorry."

Quickly wiping away a tear that had escaped, Eric gave Calleigh a bitter chuckle. "So, uh, how long before you entered the picture?" he asked, and she could tell he was still angry.

"Around December," she said matter-of-factly.

"Wow, a whole seven months, that's class…"

"Eric —"

"I was talkin' about H," he said angrily. 

"I don't care who you were talking about," she said, anger rising in her own voice. "I try to let people live their lives without buttin' in too often. I respected Horatio's decision last year, even if I didn't particularly agree with it. You should try and do the same." She turned to walk away.

"Yea," he rasped, and Calleigh turned to face him. "Yea, I'll try. Just tell me one thing."

"What?" she responded, stealing back tears.

"Why him and not me?"

She sighed, moving toward him, taking his hand. "Eric, you're sweet … You're always trying to do the right thing. You're a lot like Horatio in that way," she said softly. "I just – I know you, Eric. I know you're not … a one girl kinda guy, and I've already been to that party more than once. I need some stability, and I would never want to hold you back …"

Eric was speechless. He didn't actually expect answer.

"Besides," she added, giving him a smile, "I'm kinda old for you, you know."

He chuckled at that comment, looking down. "Not by that much," he said playfully.

"See what I mean? You're always so sweet, and you're gonna make some woman a very lucky lady," she replied, squeezing his hand.

"Cal," he started, becoming serious. "You should know that … since … since the shooting, I've gotten a whole new outlook on life. I'm not the same guy anymore. I want a commitment – I wanna try … I would never dream of asking you to start a relationship with me if I didn't."

"Eric … I can't change things, I can just tell you that I care about you, and I want you to be happy," she said. "But we've got much bigger concerns now. Ryan's out, and while I know you two never got along very well, this is still going to have major repercussions for us."

"No, I – I know that," he said, a determined look on his face. "I know we gotta step it up, but we can do it — we've done it before."

"Now that's the Eric Delko I know," she said, smiling.

"Calleigh, I – I'm sorry, I was just kinda caught of guard here."

"I know – I just hope you can understand. Horatio was very worried about you, I can tell you that. He was so afraid that this … that our relationship … would jeopardize your friendship."

"I just wish he would've told me," Eric said, exasperated. "I may not like it, but at least I could respect that a little more than findin' out like this."

"That's partially my fault," Calleigh replied. "I told Horatio I'd tell you. It was just never the right moment …"

"Look, we're cool, and I mean that," Eric said.

"You should talk to Horatio," she said. "Air things out …"

"I don't know," Eric began. "I guess I'm just afraid I might lose it … say something I'm gonna regret … like I almost did with you."

"Then give it some time, but don't wait too long. You know how he gets when something's eating at him, and combined with what happened to Ryan … I just think he could use as many friends as he can get right now."

"Yea," Eric said quietly. "He's always had my back … I just don't understand why this was such a big secret."

"Do you remember what I told you at Café San Marco?" Calleigh asked.

Eric looked down, thinking about the conversation they'd had not that long ago. He started to put it together. "You mean, this might not be looked upon so well by the higher-ups," Eric said. "Yea, I could see that, especially with the beef Horatio's been having with that guy O'Shea."

"Then you can understand why we want to keep this as far under the radar as possible," Calleigh said, looking at him intently.

"Don't worry Cal, I would never say anything," Eric replied. "I promise."

"I know you won't," she said, "and I'm grateful for that. Truly, I am."

"Well," Eric said mildly, "Just don't let Stetler catch you guys in a lip-lock in the lockers, alright?"

Calleigh blushed, looking down. "I'm gonna try and do some rumor control with this whole situation with Ryan, " she said, her face forming a frown.

"Do you think he's gone for good?" Eric asked, and Calleigh was slightly surprised to hear the sadness in his voice. She could see he was concerned about the young CSI — or former CSI, now.

"I don't know," she said. "Getting fired … that's pretty hard to come back from."

"I almost got fired once," Eric said, looking away. "I was right on the edge — but H, he pulled me back. He would've done that for Wolfe in a heartbeat if the fool had just told him the truth. Stupid kid…"

Eric looked away, but she could see the pain in his eyes. He really was different, more mature than he had been before the shooting. It touched her to see his concern for Ryan – she always knew they were like brothers — fighting like dogs one minute, but fiercely loyal and protective of each other in the next.

"C'mon," Calleigh said, gesturing toward the door. "Let's go help Horatio."

He nodded, and they headed out of the break room together.


	3. Chapter 3

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part III: "Deja Vu"**

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship, E/C friendship

Summary: What happened after Calleigh kissed Eric (on the cheek)? (Spoilers for Season 5's "Just Murdered," "Burned," "Kill Switch" and "Born to Kill" be here!)

Part II Summary: This takes place between "Burned" and "Kill Switch" – filling in the blanks and trying to make this mesh with the Season Finale somehow. Thanks to TPTB, I had to write an entire part just to keep this story in Canon, but I'm determined! (Let me tell you, staying "Canon" on this hasn't been easy, but I think I've figured out a way to make it work. Please let me know what you think.)

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters on CSI:MIAMI, nor am I making any money off this - as a matter of fact I don't make much, so please don't sue!

Part III 

"Yo, Valera, you hear about Ryan?" Dan Cooper asked as he stopped by DNA on his way to the AV lab.

"Yea, I hear he's gone," Maxine Valera responded. She wasn't sure how to feel – Ryan had nearly cost Valera her own job two years ago, but he was very apologetic about the whole situation, and she had to admit that Ryan had been growing on her ever since.

"Heard he messed up big time – gamblin' on the clock," Cooper, who had a knack for having loose lips at all the wrong moments, continued. "Heard he may've even paid off a suspect in a murder investigation."

"I don't believe that," Valera piped in, somewhat defensively. She knew what it was like to be "on the outs," and she also knew first-hand about the rumors that could fly around about a person, too.

"I don't know," Cooper said shaking his head. He and Ryan had gotten into an altercation last year that turned physical, and while Cooper had brushed it off for the most part, he never forgot how Ryan accused him of being the mole. "That guy was so self-righteous last year, and now he's the one gettin' kicked out on his rear. If you ask me, he had it comin' —"

"Ahem." Calleigh cleared her throat, getting their attention. "Why don't we just stick to the job and keep the gossip at a minimum, please?"

Cooper was obviously shaken by Calleigh's appearance, and became nervous. "Yea, sure, whatever," Cooper said quickly. "I – uh, I'll see you guys later." Cooper walked out, and Calleigh gave him a raised eyebrow that let him know she was less than happy.

"Yea, I um … I should get back to that John Doe case," Valera said, moving back to her microscope. Calleigh nodded and turned to leave. "Hey Calleigh," Valera called, and Calleigh turned around. "Is it true that Ryan messed with an investigation?"

Calleigh sighed, folding her arms. "Ryan was … he's gotten himself into a bad situation. But digging deeper won't do any of us any good, OK? Let's just give this some time and see how it all plays out."

"I guess," Valera sighed. "I was just starting to get used to the guy."

"Yea," Calleigh said quietly. "Yea, me too."

---------------------

Horatio stared out the window of his office, the bag containing Ryan's things on his desk. Everything had happened so fast. He was losing a CSI in Ryan Wolfe, and wondered if he was also losing a friend in Eric Delko. It was apparent to Horatio that Eric noticed something was going on between himself and Calleigh, even if he didn't witness the inpromptu kiss. Calleigh had taken Eric aside to explain things, but he wondered if Eric would hold this against him.

Sighing, Horatio pulled out his cell phone. "Calleigh, it's me. Unfortunately, I believe we're going to have to postpone that home-cooked meal we talked about. Call me when you get this."

Snapping his phone shut, Horatio looked at the duffel bag filled with Ryan's belongings. He was intent on delivering them himself, and hopefully finding out exactly what was going on with his youngest CSI. 'Former CSI,' he reminded himself sadly. He couldn't stop worrying about one of his own – even if Ryan wasn't part of the team anymore. Horatio Caine never gave up on the people he cared about.

Deciding to let the situation with Eric settle for a day or so, Horatio grabbed the bag and headed out of the lab toward his Hummer.

----------------------------

Eric Delko drove around the now darkened streets of Miami at around 9:30 p.m., cell phone in hand. He left his badge and his gun back at the house, remembering what happened the last time he did this. He was "toothing" again. Meaningless sex with no responsibility. He never really liked it, but at least it would dull the pain he was feeling — that's what he told himself, anyway.

Deep down, Eric knew this was just like any other artificial panacea — drunks had alcohol, junkies had drugs, and he had sex. He also knew that he was dealing with things no better than Ryan had, but he felt like he was out of options. He felt betrayed by two of his best friends. He almost lost it with Calleigh, but was able to put up a good front in the end – enough to get him through the day.

"Where is everybody tonight?" he muttered. Suddenly, someone texted him back. Eric paused for a moment, knowing he may be making a huge mistake. In his mind, he could see the disapproving look H would be giving him if he knew what he was about to do. "The hell with you," he hissed, pushing his thoughts aside and texting the woman back.

Driving to a secluded spot at Bayfront Park by Biscayne Bay, he rendezvoused with the woman — a petite blond. 'Perfect,' he thought, shaking his head.

"Hey there," she said to him with a smile. She looked like she was in her early 20s.

"Hey," Eric replied quietly.

After an awkward silence, the woman approached him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm Alicia … you got a name?"

"I, uh … Listen, no disrespect, but I was just hopin' to cut to the chase…"

"Hmm … a mystery man … that's alright by me."

She began to kiss him, and they both ended up in the grass. Caught up in the moment, Eric didn't hear the slamming of a car door or see the tall, angry figure approaching them in the darkness. He did, however, feel the jolt when the 6'5"muscle man pulled him off Alicia by the collar.

"Get the hell away from my sister, you son-of-a-bitch!" the man shouted, pushing him against a tree. Eric immediately went for his weapon, which wasn't there.

"Listen," Eric said, partly out of breath, "I'm a cop and this was totally consensual —"

"A cop?" the guy said skeptically, gripping the front of his shirt. "Then let's see your badge, hero."

"I, uh, I don't have it … right now," Eric stammered. "Listen, I —"

"Who the hell do you think you're foolin', mister!" the man shouted. Forming a fist with his right hand, the stranger clocked Eric in the face. "You think you could fool me?"

"Tobby, quit it!" Alicia said, getting up from the ground and fixing her clothing. "I asked him to meet me."

"Do you even know his name?!" Tobby shouted angrily.

"I – no … Tobby, c'mon – don't do this…"

"I promised mom and dad I'd look out for you, and that's what I'm doin'," he said sharply, pressing his weight against Eric. "I gotta keep you away from low-lives like this."

He went to hit Eric again, but this time he was ready. Eric ducked, then planted a punch in Tobby's gut, spinning out of the large man's grasp. He ran toward his vehicle, but Tobby was quickly behind him, and grabbed his shirt, dragging him to the ground. He straddled Eric, who tried to get away. Eric had gotten slower since the shooting, and his right leg still wasn't completely healed. He hadn't really noticed that much until now, when his life seemed to depend on it.

"I'm tellin' the truth man," Eric said desperately. "I'm with the Miami-Dade Crime lab – I'm a CSI."

"What the hell is that?" Tobby asked.

"A crime scene —"

"Forget it you little punk," Tobby said, cutting him off. "I don't care who you are, no one disrespects my sister."

"Tobby stop!" Alicia called, running up to him and placing her hand on his shoulder. "I told you, I asked him out here!"

"I don't give a rats ass how he got here!" her brother replied loudly, staring at Eric. He leaned in and whispered, "You're gonna be made an example of … maybe then my sister will come to her senses…"

"Tobby, no!" Alicia cried, tears in her eyes. "Don't hurt him!" That was the last thing Eric Delko heard before watching Tobby's fist connect with the back of his head — where he had been shot. Suddenly, everything faded.

---------------------

Horatio sighed, getting into the Hummer and starting the engine. He was just returning from his trip to Ryan Wolfe's apartment.

He had run into the landlord on his way in, who told him that he hadn't seen Ryan all evening, which wasn't unusual. He also informed Horatio that Ryan's rent was well overdue. The landlord pointed Horatio to the correct apartment number and let him inside. Horatio put the duffel bag down on the table, leaving a note attached to it. As he began to walk out, he noticed a framed photo on a shelf near the door – it looked Ryan, but much younger, maybe about 16, with an older man. 'Maybe his uncle,' Horatio thought, attempting to piece together the little mystery. Shaking his head, he walked out, wondering what would become of Ryan Wolfe. He almost reminded Horatio of Raymond — well intentioned, but deeply troubled.

Pulling out onto the street, Horatio began to drive home. He took out his cell phone and called one of the few people he still knew he could count on.

"Hey handsome." Hearing Calleigh's voice as she answered the phone gave Horatio a sense of comfort. She had always been able to calm the storms within him.

"Hey sweetheart," he rasped.

"Horatio, what's goin' on?"

"Um … nothing much. I just came from Ryan's place."

There was a lingering silence, and he could feel her searching for the right words to say.

"How's he doin'?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know. He wasn't at the apartment. The landlord said he was very behind on his rent, and that he hadn't seen him all day."

"Well, I wouldn't worry too much, Horatio," Calleigh said, trying to comfort him. "He'll be fine - you know Ryan."

"Do I?" he asked "Do any of us?" There was another long pause, and Horatio wondered if he had said too much. "Calleigh? Are you still there?"

"Yea, sorry," she whispered. "I was just … thinking…"

"About?"

"A lot of things … This day, it's been … pretty crazy."

"I know," he rasped. "Just hang in there."

"You know it," she said, but Horatio wasn't convinced.

"Calleigh … about Eric …"

"He knows everything now, Horatio. I had to tell him."

"I see," Horatio said slowly. "How did he take it?"

"Surprisingly well, considering," she said, but he could tell she was holding something back.

"He was angry, wasn't he," Horatio said matter-of-factly. "Angry at me."

"Well, in a manner of speaking," she started, "I would say yes … but the way we left the conversation … I think he's a lot more accepting of the situation than you think."

"I should've told him," Horatio said quietly, more to himself than to Calleigh.

"Horatio, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you he understood this … us. But I know you two will work this out. He respects you too much — he loves you too much."

Horatio's eyes clouded at Calleigh's words. He loved Eric like a brother, and the bond they forged over the last year was special to him, especially in light of his own brother's death.

"Thanks, Calleigh," he rasped. "Don't know what I'd do without you. I —"

Horatio's sentence was cut off by the police scanner in his car. "We have an officer in need of assistance at the northeast corner of Bayfront Park. Copy?"

"Cal, hang on," he said quickly, answering the radio call. "This is Lieutenant Horatio Caine. I'm five minutes from the scene — I'll meet dispatch on the way."

"Copy that," the voice on the radio replied.

"Do we have an ID on the officer?" Horatio replied. He held his breath, almost expecting them to say it was Ryan.

"No ID, lieutenant. Young woman called it in."

"Alright, I'm on my way," Horatio said, then returned to his cell phone conversation. "Calleigh, listen, I have a situation…"

"What's goin' on?"

"Call just came in – there's an officer down at Bayfront Park. I'm headin' over there to check it out."

"I'll back you up," Calleigh said quickly. "See you in 10." She hung up before Horatio could say no. Horatio smirked at Calleigh's slyness, then turned serious, putting on his sirens and heading toward the scene.

-------------------------------------------

Horatio drove the Hummer slowly around the grounds, headlights and fog lights on full blast, looking for signs of a struggle. 'This could just be a prank,' he thought to himself, but something in his gut was telling him that wasn't the case.

Seeing headlights approaching, Horatio stopped his vehicle and got out. He watched as Calleigh pulled up next to him and vacated her Hummer.

"You find anything?" she asked.

"No," he said quietly.

"Could just be a false report," Calleigh said, still looking around suspiciously.

"Could be," Horatio replied, but she could hear the skepticism in his voice. Suddenly, they heard a rustling sound coming from their left. They both drew their weapons.

"Well, lieutenant, think that was just Bambi?" Calleigh whispered.

"Only one way to find out, detective. Cover me."

"Always," she said, smiling slightly. He nodded at her, giving her a slight grin, but she could see his brows furrowed with concern as he took out his flashlight. They moved through the darkness toward the sound, and heard it again, along with a low moan this time.

"Miami-Dade Police!" Horatio shouted. "Identify yourself!" The only response they received was another low grunt. Calleigh noticed Horatio's flashlight illuminate something.

"Horatio, look," she said, pointing to a blood trail.

"Let's see where this leads," he said in a low tone. Guns still drawn, they followed the blood for a few yards, when Calleigh suddenly saw a figure lying on the ground just a few feet away. "Horatio —"

"Let's go," he said urgently as they both began to sprint toward the body. Horatio arrived first and knelt down. "Oh no," he said in a low, panicked voice that Calleigh had never heard before. "Eric?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"God," Calleigh rasped, kneeling next to Horatio. "There's more blood … Horatio … his head …"

"Eric," Horatio called again, getting a moan in response. "Eric, can you hear me?"

Calleigh quickly took out her cell phone. "This is CSI Calleigh Duquesne. I need rescue at the northeastern corner of Bayfront Park immediately. We have an injured officer in need of medical attention."

Putting down her cell phone, Calleigh touched the back of Eric's head in an attempt to stop the bleeding. She took out her flashlight, trying to see the extent of the wound. "It doesn't look too deep, I think he just might've reopened his stitches," she said.

"Or someone reopened them for him," Horatio said angrily.

"Damn it," Calleigh hissed, tears stinging her eyes.

Horatio moved closer and gripped Eric's hand. "Hey, pal," he said softly. "Can you hear me?"

"H?" Eric replied in a small voice.

"Hey," Horatio rasped, fighting the flashbacks that were playing through his mind. "Hey, you're gonna be fine, Eric. Just hang in there."

"We're right here," Calleigh reassured him. "Just stay with us."

Eric nodded, swallowing. "Guys … I think …"

"Do you know who did this, Eric?" Horatio asked.

"I – I can't remember," Eric mumbled. "I feel … OK." He motioned to get up, but they both held him back gently.

"Hey, partner, not so fast," Horatio said. "Let's get you checked out first. There's some blood here…"

"My head," he whispered, his hand moving to the back of his skull. Feeling wetness, he pulled his hand in front of him. "Oh man …"

"It's OK," Calleigh said quickly, trying to reassure him. But her own voice was faltering. "Eric, I don't think it's deep. Rescue's on the way, just stay with us."

"Yea, I'll be fine," he said in his own attempt to be strong. "So, uh … Wolfe decided to cut out on this one?"

Horatio and Calleigh glanced at each other, confused. "Eric?" Horatio asked.

"Wolfe — he decide to take the day off or somethin'?"

"Eric, I think you're … just relax," Calleigh said cautiously.

"Oh … I get it," Eric replied slowly. "It's night … Wolfe hates workin' double shifts … Slacker…" Eric said with a small smirk that was soon replaced with a grimace.

Calleigh gave Horatio another glance, and he returned it with a concerned look of his own. When the ambulance finally arrived, Horatio informed them of Eric's previous injury.

"I'll meet you at the hospital," Horatio told one of the EMS workers. As the ambulance pulled away, Horatio and Calleigh walked swiftly back to their vehicles. Horatio went to grab the handle on the driver's side door, but stopped suddenly, staring at his hands. There was blood all over them.

"Hey, you want me to drive?" Calleigh asked gently, noting that Horatio looked slightly shaken up.

"I think," he started, "I'll take you up on that offer."

Calleigh moved into the driver's seat, and Horatio slowly made his way onto the passenger's side. They drove to the hospital, an awkward silence falling between them. It soon became too much for Calleigh to bear.

"Do you think he's forgotten?" she asked.

"What?" Horatio looked up suddenly, her voice dragging him from his thoughts.

"I mean, do you think he's forgotten about what happened today?" she said more pointedly.

"I don't know …"

"I just mean, the way he was talking about Ryan, it sounded like he didn't remember what happened," Calleigh said. "It's just – I can't believe this is happening … again."

"I know," Horatio said quietly. "We have to find out who did this."

"First, I want to make sure Eric's alright," Calleigh said. "Whoever did that to him had to leave something behind, the way they walloped him."

"The night crew's working on it right now," Horatio said.

"Jake will probably be on the case …" Calleigh said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, probably," Horatio said, arching an eyebrow. "Have you two …"

"I haven't told him about us," she said quickly. "I'm not sure what to say. I don't really know … if I can trust him."

"I agree," Horatio said coolly. Another awkward silence fell over them. "So … um, how long were you two together?" Horatio asked, nearly stumbling over his words.

"Let's not get into this right now," Calleigh sighed.

"Do you think it's going to be a problem if you two —"

"It's not going to be a problem," she snapped. "We're professionals, and we've worked together before."

"Yes," Horatio said, an edge in his voice. "I remember that … I believe you got shot."

"Listen, it's fine," she said curtly, pulling quickly into a parking spot at the hospital.

"Is it?" Horatio asked.

"Well, you have your secrets, and I have mine, I suppose," she said, a bit more harshly than she had intended. Sighing, she closed her eyes, a tear escaping. "I'm sorry," she apologized, looking at him. "I just … I hope Eric's OK."

"I understand," Horatio said, grasping her hand. "Let's see how he's doing, OK?"

"Yea," she said, fighting tears. They both got out of the Hummer and headed toward the ER.

-------------------------------

"Talk to me," Horatio said to the doctor as both he and Calleigh stood outside just outside Eric's room.

"I think he's going to be fine, but what you said about the possible memory loss concerns me," Dr. Brian Tullo replied, flipping through Eric's chart. He was slim, and looked to be about 50 years old, with thinning gray hair. "It seems Detective Delko was initially diagnosed with retrograde amnesia back in February, which can happen with an injury that penetrates the skull and damages the brain itself," Dr. Tullo continued. "With this incident, it's not the stitches I'm worried about – we've taken care of those. What I am concerned about is the blow he took to that area of his brain."

Horatio and Calleigh looked at each other. "What are you saying?" Calleigh asked hesitantly.

"I'm not worried about any major damage, detective. The jolt didn't seem to affect the bullet still lodged in his brain," he explained, pointing to the MRI, "but it might've complicated his condition. There's another form of amnesia — anterograde amnesia — where the patient finds it difficult to recall ongoing events — day-to-day things — after suffering a head injury."

"Are you sure about that?" Calleigh questioned. "I mean, he's a CSI and —"

"I understand that this kind of diagnosis could seriously impair his ability to do his job," Dr. Tullo continued. "I'm not convinced of this, it may just be a one-time event. But I want to see him in a week to check his progress."

"That shouldn't be a problem, doctor," Horatio said. "Can we see him now?"

"I don't see any reason why not. He was actually asking for you, lieutenant."

"Thank you," Horatio replied, walking toward Eric's bedside. When Calleigh followed, he stopped. "Just give a minute with him, OK?" he asked, his eyes imploring her to understand.

She raised an eyebrow, looking at him. She knew he wanted to talk to Eric alone, to see how much he remembered. "OK," she said quietly. "I'll be outside."

"Thank you," Horatio nodded, taking her hand and giving it a quick squeeze before releasing it just as suddenly. She watched as he pulled up a chair next to Eric's bedside, then left the two to give them some privacy.

"Hey H," Eric rasped, a smile on his face.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I have the worst hang-over headache in the world," he said, chuckling.

Horatio gave him a small smile. "Do you remember what happened, Eric?"

He shook his head, looking dazed and confused. "No, I … I tried to think … Last thing I remember is bein' at the crime scene … and Calleigh …"

"Wait, what crime scene, Eric?"

"The house – the arson," he said, flashing to the moment he had with Calleigh. A sudden panic grew in his eyes. "H – H that guy was lyin'. There was no smoke residue on the glass." Eric began to sit up.

"Easy, easy, partner," Horatio said, putting his hands on Eric's shoulders and gently guiding him back down. "It's alright – You told me that — we wrapped up that case today."

"That's weird," Eric said, a puzzled look on his face.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"Calleigh," he said, blushing slightly. "She cut her finger on the glass, and I was removing it when I noticed how clean it was …"

"OK, OK that's not bad," Horatio reassured him.

"So what? I'm only missing half the day? Just great," Eric said, worry beginning to creep in. "The judge is gonna have a field day with this one."

"I don't think so," Calleigh replied, entering the room with a blond woman about her height. "I believe we may've found who did this."

"I told you, I didn't do it, I just called it in," the woman said. She was a little banged up herself.

"Who's this?" Horatio asked, standing up.

"This," Calleigh said, looking down at her pad, "is Alicia Bender. Says she took her brother into the hospital after smashing him over the head with tree branch."

"What's the connection?" Eric asked, still looking confused. "Do I know her?"

"Apparently, you met her for an … intimate … rendezvous," Calleigh said, a hint of frustration in her voice.

"I went to a hooker?" Eric said, panicking again.

"Hey, bud, I ain't no street walker — you were toothing! You texted me!" she shouted. "This is what I get for savin' your life."

"Saving it from who?" Horatio said, putting his hands on his hips.

"My brother," she replied quietly. "He's always buttin' in — always tryin' to _protect_ me …"

"So you knocked him out as he was attacking Eric," Horatio said, beginning to put the pieces together. "Then what?"

"They were both unconscious. I was afraid I just killed my brother, you know? So I panicked — brought my car over to Tobby —"

"That's your brother?" Horatio said.

"Yea," she replied. "I got the car to him and dragged him into the passenger's side…"

"He's a big guy, how'd you manage that?" Calleigh asked, skeptical.

"I don't know … adrenaline I guess," she said. "I just dragged him into the car and took him to the hospital."

"Leaving my officer to die," Horatio said grimly, his stare piercing through her.

"I – I didn't know what to do," Alicia stammered. "He said he was a cop, and it didn't look good for me — two guys down and me the last one standin'… I called it in, didn't I?"

"Yes you did," Calleigh said, "from a phone right here in the ER, no less. One of the nurses' aides ID'd you."

Alicia looked away, biting her lip. "Is he gonna be alright?" she asked, looking up at Horatio.

"I hope so … for your brother's sake," Horatio said.

"Hey, I'm right here, guys," Eric interrupted. "And I'm gonna be fine. I feel fine. The doctor even said I could be released tonight."

"That's great!" Alicia said. "So my brother's off the hook?"

"Not exactly," Horatio said grimly. "Here's what I want to do," he continued, looking at Calleigh. "Let's go question Tobby and find out exactly went on."

"That won't be necessary, lieutenant," a man's voice said from the doorway.

"Jake?" Calleigh said.

"At your service," he said, smiling. He made his way over to Calleigh, and before she had the opportunity to say anything else, he embraced her, kissing her on the cheek.

Eric looked up, and suddenly saw a memory flash before him.

'_Why him and not me?'_

Eric shook his head as another memory hit him.

'_You two got somethin' goin' on, Calleigh?'_

'_Eric, I – I don't know what to say…'_

"Eric?" Calleigh asked, concerned. Eric looked up, shaking his head. Seeing Jake holding her intimately, Eric instantly became jealous, and attempted to put the flashes of memory together.

"I, uh … I think I'm starting to see everything very clearly," Eric replied, a sharp tone etched in his voice.

Calleigh glanced at Horatio, who looked down at Eric. But he could tell the CSI's gaze was fixed elsewhere.

"Hey man," Jake said, easing his hold on Calleigh. "Glad to see you're still among the livin'."

"You bet I am," Eric said, his brows furrowed.

While Horatio was concerned with Eric, he was becoming distracted by the view of Jake with his arms around Calleigh. His own face began mirror Eric's jealous gaze as he turned sideways, hands on hips, staring at the homicide detective intently.

"How about we keep this professional, gentlemen," Horatio said, nodding toward Jake.

"Oh, sorry lieutenant," he said, releasing Calleigh from his grasp. "You know me and Cal go way back, right?"

"Jake," Calleigh hissed, pushing him back a bit.

"So I've heard," Horatio said, his gaze turning to Eric. "So, what do we have, Detective Berkeley?"

"Well, funny you should ask," he said. "Just interviewed the Incredible Hulk over there in 5C — he definitely is on some sort of narcotic. Might be junkie."

"Takes one to know one," Eric said sharply.

"Eric," Horatio whispered in a warning tone, wondering what had gotten into his CSI. "Just relax, OK?"

"Yea, sure, H. I'm relaxed." He continued to stare at Jake, who was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"So uh … what's with him?"

"He's having some … trouble," Calleigh started, not wanting to give Jake anything that might put Eric's career in jeopardy.

"Trouble? Does he have another screw lose up there or somethin'? Heard about that court case a few days ago …"

"Hey, screw you, man!" Eric shouted, bolting up. Horatio held him back.

"Easy, easy," Horatio said, calming him down. He turned to Jake. "Jake, all I want you to worry about is Mr. Bender in 5C, OK?"

"Whatever you say, lieutenant," Jake replied. "See you later, Cal?"

"Sure," she said tersely, watching as he smirked at her before leaving. She heaved a sigh relief, then turned back to Horatio. "You want me to go back to the scene?"

"No," Horatio said. "I think you should follow up with Mr. Berkeley, make sure he dots the I's and crosses the T's."

"Horatio —"

"I thought you said this wasn't going to a problem," he said, looking at her intently. She was surprised to see a flash of jealousy in his gaze.

"It won't be," she sighed. "Eric, listen, just rest. You're gonna be fine, OK?"

"Thanks Cal," he said sadly.

Calleigh looked at Horatio again, arching an eyebrow before heading after Jake. Horatio turned back toward Eric, sitting down.

"Now what was that all about?" he asked.

"I don't know H … I think I'm … remembering…"

"Oh?" he said, concern growing on his face.

"Yea … when I saw Jake with Calleigh … I don't know. Somethin' hit me, somethin' clicked. I went up to Cal today, I think, to ask her … to ask her something …"

"OK," Horatio said, urging him to continue.

"I think she was tellin' me about this guy she's been seeing …" he said slowly. "I can't … I don't remember names … but when I saw Jake — I knew it was him."

Looking down, Horatio tried to hide the pained expression on his face. He knew he had to explain everything – he couldn't let Eric believe a lie.

"H, I'm sorry, it's just — I think I'm really startin' to fall for Calleigh, you know?"

He laughed in response, still looking down. "I think I do, Eric," he said, looking up, tears in his eyes. But Eric's gaze was still focused on the doorway.

"I mean … that guy … he's a low-life. I don't like him, and he's definitely no good for her, H."

"I couldn't agree more," Horatio cautiously. "Listen, Eric…"

"H … I just, can I just be alone?"

"Eric I —"

"No, it's fine. I'm gonna work this out. Just … I just need to be alone, OK?"

"Eric, you don't understand —"

"Ahem," a deep voice interrupted.

"Doctor?" Horatio said suddenly.

"I think you should listen to the young man, lieutenant. If he wants to be alone, let him be."

"But —"Horatio started.

"Can I get outta here, doc?" Eric interrupted.

"I don't see why not," Dr. Tullo said.

Eric quickly bolted up and gathered his clothes. "Listen H, thanks for havin' my back, but I gotta work this thing out for myself, OK?" Eric walked out the door, and Horatio moved to go after him, but Dr. Tullo blocked his path.

"Lieutenant, I think you should take his advice, let him be."

"But I can't," Horatio said in a pained voice. "I can't let him go on believing a lie…"

"Whatever he's remembered – or hasn't remembered — it may be critical to allow his body to work itself through this. It could even be dangerous to reveal things to him too quickly, especially if they impacted him emotionally."

"Doctor's orders?" Horatio asked, his brows furrowed.

"You could say that," Dr. Tullo replied. "Give him a week or so, and we'll see where we are. That OK, lieutenant?"

"For now," he said, walking out the door


	4. Chapter 4

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part IV: "The Green-Eyed Monster"**

**NOTE: Major spoilers for Season 5's "Burned" be here. I'm still trying to set things up so that this story can remain "Canon" – it's still a big challenge. I took some liberties with the episode "Burned" – changed the order of some scenes, but I think these "missing scenes" work … at least for DuCaine fans, anway ******

'Just do your best to avoid him,' Calleigh thought as she made her way to the lab. The "him" was Eric Delko, and the why … well, that was a place she could not go right now. Ever since the run-in that put Eric in the hospital — and affected his short-term memory — she had been walking on eggshells with him. She knew he had forgotten what she had told him about her and Horatio, but she was afraid that it would come back to him eventually. And when it did, she feared Eric would act just as recklessly as he did the last time.

"What's the rush, Cal?" a familiar voice called from the corridor of the lab.

"Oh, hey, Jake," she replied, turning around and breathing a sigh of relief. "I was just headin' out to the beach with Nat to look for those missing drugs …"

"Yea, heard 'bout that," Jake said, putting his hands in his pockets. "Heard Wolfe really botched that case up for you guys. What a jackass."

Calleigh's brows furrowed. She didn't approve of what Ryan had done, and told him so this morning – gave him a piece of her mind, as a matter of fact — but she didn't like other people bringing him down. She was mad at Ryan because he didn't listen to her — just like Tim Speedle. That's all she could focus on as she told Ryan to think about the pieces that would have to be picked up by everyone left behind — just like they had to do with Speedle. In reality, she was afraid for Ryan – that if he had continued going the way he was, he would end up like Tim. Dead. She couldn't go through that again.

"Earth to Calleigh," Jake said, waving a hand.

"Wha — sorry," she said tersely, looking up at him. "So what brings you to the day shift?"

"Actually, I came to see you about that Bender case – you know, the guy that beat up Eric?"

"Yea … that was two nights ago, what's up?"

"Well," he said, handing her the file, "I got the guy to roll over, but Eric doesn't wanna hit him with the charges – wants me just to drop it. Any idea why?"

Calleigh sighed. "He's just trying to protect the lab…"

"Or his own ass," Jake said callously.

"You know what, Jake? Maybe if you actually gave a damn about anyone from the human race, you'd understand what Eric's going through."

"Maybe you're right," he replied, taking Calleigh's hand. "Maybe I'm bein' a bit hard on the guy. I mean, it's not every day you get shot in the head … lose your memory … then get it stolen all over again."

"The doctor said it's very short-term," Calleigh said, looking uncomfortable.

"And probably temporary," Jake added. "But you're wrong about one thing, Calleigh."

"What's that?" she asked, looking down at their hands. Her mind was racing. There was no denying the past between the two of them – they'd had good times, and turned up the heat on more than a few occasions —but that's all it was now, ancient history.

"I do give a damn about someone in the human race," he said simply, his lips curving.

"Jake," Calleigh started. "I don't think …"

"Ahem." Calleigh recognized the voice immediately.

"Horatio?" she said, letting go of Jake's hand quickly. "We were just … Jake was just filling me in on the Bender case …"

Horatio nodded, heading toward them. "Is this the file," he asked in a flat tone as she handed the file to him.

"Eric wants the charges dropped," Jake explained.

"Then drop them," Horatio said simply.

"You got it, lieutenant," Jake said, glancing between Calleigh and Horatio. He wasn't sure, but he felt something more was going as the two exchanged looks. Jake turned to Calleigh. "I'll uh … I'll catch you later, Cal?"

"Uh … yea, sure," she said quickly, smiling briefly.

"OK," Jake said, walking away. "Later, lieutenant."

"Thank you, Mr. Berkeley," Horatio called, moving his eyes from the file to Calleigh's gaze. Once he was satisfied that Jake was out of hearing distance, he turned to Calleigh. "What was that about?" he asked gently, trying not to let his jealousy seep through. But she could read him better than anyone.

"Horatio," she started. "I don't know what's going on with Jake … but I do know I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know," he said in a low voice, looking down.

A small smile crept onto Calleigh's features. "Why Horatio Caine, do I detect a hint of jealousy?"

He grinned shyly. "Maybe … a little," he said softly.

"Well, I'm flattered," she whispered in his ear leaning close to him. "But you know, I'm really looking forward to that home-cooked meal with a very special red-headed lieutenant tonight …"

"Mmhmm," he said, looking into her eyes. "So am I."

They shared a moment, with Calleigh reluctantly breaking their gaze. "As long as we can get this case wrapped up," she began, looking out the window. "I'm goin' to meet Natalia at the beach and see if we can dig up some buried treasure…"

"Of the illegal kind," he finished, raising his eyebrows. "Happy hunting, detective."

"And where would you be off to?"

"I," he said, putting his sunglasses on, "Am going to have a chat with a very wealthy man that may just be our prime suspect."

"You're headin' to the Gables?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You know, if this job weren't so gruesome, I'd say we have it made – me at the beach, you in the most upscale part of Miami …"

"Almost made," he replied as she looked up. "We're both headed in separate directions," he reminded her.

Calleigh looked around quickly, checking to see if anyone was coming, before embracing him. "I miss you …"

"I know," he whispered quietly. "Hopefully, we'll figure this out soon enough …"

She pulled back, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Horatio, I … I just don't know what do. We can't tell Eric … I can't tell Jake ..."

"Let's just get through this case, OK?" he replied giving her a light kiss on the forehead before pulling away. "I heard you had a chat with Mr. Wolfe this morning."

"Yea, when I was picking up that list," she started, placing her hands on her hips. "He's just so bull-headed, and he needed to hear what I had to say."

"I have no doubt, sweetheart," Horatio said, also placing his hands on his hips. "But something's troubling you."

"I'm fine," she said quickly, looking to the left.

"Calleigh?"

She sighed, knowing she couldn't hold this back from him. "I was thinking about Tim …"

"Speed?"

"Yea," she said quietly. "He didn't listen to me either, and look where ended up …"

"Calleigh, there was nothing you could've done …"

"It's not that," she said. "It's just … it seems no matter how hard I try to fix things, to make things right … I don't know why I bother…"

"I do," Horatio said, leaning closer to her as she looked up. "Because you're Calleigh Duquesne. And sweetheart, "he said, leaning even closer and piercing her with his eyes, "you saved me, remember?"

She smiled at that, tears coming to her eyes. "I … I better get going before Nat sends out a search party for me," she rasped.

Horatio nodded. "OK," he said. "I will see you in a few." She gave him a smile and turned to leave. "Calleigh," he started, and she stopped, turning toward him. "Be careful."

"Always am," she said, her smile growing. "Be safe, handsome."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied as he watched her walk through the corridor to the elevator.

---------------------------------------------------

"Jake, this really isn't a good time," Calleigh said into her phone as the ambulance pulled away. A cameraman had just gotten caught in a nasty booby trap, and she really wasn't up for casual conversation.

"Cal, I just … I wanted to talk to you," he started.

"Well that's a first," she replied. "Usually there's only one thing you wanna do …"

"So you remember the Hummer, huh?" he said suggestively, as she looked down, remembering. It had been so sudden. She had been shot, and it was mostly because of Jake's antics. The Kevlar saved her life, but her brush with death had left her with an adrenaline rush that wouldn't quit. And to boot, she had just gotten into a fight with Horatio, which left her feeling uneasy. Horatio wouldn't answer his cell phone, and she was about to go looking for him when Jake walked into the ballistics lab.

"How's it goin'?" he asked.

"Oh, everything's just great," she said sarcastically.

"Saw Lieutenant Caine storm outta here in a hurry – somethin' happen?"

"I'd rather not talk about it," she said, moving back to the desk to finish her report.

"Did it have somethin' to do with the bullet you took this afternoon?" He moved closer to her, leaning behind her.

"Jake," she sighed, turning around and looking at him. "I'm really not — "

He took the opportunity to pull her into him and kiss her. When he moved away, he searched her eyes, waiting for her answer.

"What the hell," she hissed, returning the kiss. She suddenly stopped, pulling back. "But not here …"

They ended up driving her Hummer to a secluded section of Bayfront Park, and doing the deed in the back seat. In the past, their relationship had mostly been based on the sex, and it seemed not much had changed.

Afterwards, Calleigh had dropped Jake off at his new place and drove around the streets of Miami, thinking about everything that happened that day. She felt a pang of guilt for giving in to Jake, and felt even worse about what had happened between herself and Horatio. After driving for about half an hour, she found herself at the beach, and noted the Hummer parked in the sand. Seeing Horatio in the distance, she thought about how lonely it must be for him. Losing his wife, his brother. It was a lonely road he was walking – she just couldn't remember when – or why – she had stopped walking it with him.

Looking back, Calleigh realized that confessing her feelings to Horatio on that beach had been one of the smartest things she'd ever done. If she hadn't, who knows where she would've ended up …

"Hey, Cal, you still there?" Jake said over his cell phone, jolting Calleigh from her thoughts.

"Listen, I have to go —"

"Just hear me out," he pleaded. "I know things … haven't been great between us. Especially the way we left things. But I admit – I screwed up, and I just … I just want to see if we can start over … as friends?"

"Friends?" she asked, somewhat surprised.

"Well … maybe more than that … but I care about you, Cal, and I think you still care about me, too, and I don't wanna lose that again."

She sighed. Calleigh knew Jake still had a bit of a hold on her – and they also had some unfinished business to attend to. "Well, since you're being such a gentleman about it, maybe I'll call you later … see if we can get together for lunch or somethin' – talk things over."

"I'd like that," he said.

"OK … listen, I gotta go check out this new crime scene of ours … I think the cameraman may have uncovered our buried treasure."

"Good luck, Cal," Jake said. "I'll be waitin' for that phone call."

"We'll be in touch," Calleigh said, hanging up and heading toward Natalia, who seemed to be involved in a deep conversation with Ryan. Calleigh gave a slight smile, flashing back to last year at this time, when she thought those two would never be able to work together – mostly because of Ryan's animosity toward Natalia because she was the mole. But Calleigh was surprised by Nat's tenacity, as well as her apparent easy way of forgiving and forgetting.

Before Calleigh could get to them, her cell phone rang again. It was Horatio.

"Hey babe," she said, answering.

"How are we doing?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.

"Cameraman's lost a lot of blood. It's gonna be close, but I think he'll make it."

"And you?"

"I'm OK, Horatio – no harm done." She could hear him sigh, and was touched by his concern.

"How's Mr. Wolfe holding up?" he asked

"He's pretty shaken up, but he'll be fine." There was an awkward pause.

"Calleigh?" 

"Sorry," she began. "This is all really strange … with Ryan."

"I know," Horatio said quietly. "Listen, call me when you get back to the lab."

"Horatio, I'm fine."

"I know, sweetheart, it's not that," he said. "I think I have suspect I may need you to put the squeeze on."

"You got it," Calleigh said sweetly.

"And Calleigh," he added. "Hang in there."

"You know it," she said, closing her phone and heading toward Nat and Ryan. It was going to be a long day.

---------------------------------------------

"Yea, I remember, Jake … oh my gosh, Trevor was hilarious – he was completely plastered," Calleigh laughed, talking to Jake on her cell phone in the lab. She promised she would call him to set up a time for them to have lunch. Their conversation turned quickly to their time in the Academy, and some of the more … ridiculous moments they had experienced together.

Smiling at the memories, Calleigh looked up to see Eric approaching. She quickly ended the conversation as he entered the lab.

"Good to see that smile again," Eric said as he approached her. "Was that Jake?"

She could sense a hint of jealousy in his voice, and remembered his reaction back at the hospital. "Yea," she said. "We were just saying how we'd like to get together for lunch if people would just stop killing each other."

She quickly changed the conversation to business, trying to keep things professional. From what she could tell, he still didn't remember about the relationship between her and Horatio, and a part of her wanted to keep it that way. The other part wanted to be honest with him about everything, but both the doctor and Horatio thought that would be unwise at this point, so she did the only thing she could – avoid any personal conversation with Eric at all costs. 

-------------------------------------------------

"You helped us, Mr. Wolfe," Horatio said in a low tone.

"It was the least I could do," Ryan replied.

By the steps to the lab, Calleigh leaned against the building and watched the scene unfold, trying to catch some of what they were saying.

"I'm not gonna abandon this team," Ryan said, slightly choked up, but with determination.

"And we, Mr. Wolfe," Horatio said, putting on his sunglasses, "are not going to abandon you."

Horatio walked past the former CSI, lightly brushing his shoulder. Ryan looked back, then, seeing Calleigh on the steps, looked down at the ground. When he looked up again, he saw Horatio approach her and they began talking. Calleigh nodded to Horatio, then caught Ryan's glance and smiled slightly. Still feeling awkward about the situation, Ryan nodded back to her, then turned to leave.

"That was … a good thing you said to him," Calleigh told Horatio, who stood with his hands on his hips, watching Ryan get into his car.

"It was the truth," he replied, looking back at her. "So, are we on for tonight, ma'am?"

"Of course," she smiled. "I would never stand up my LT."

"Are you sure you don't want to go out?" he asked, catching her somewhat by surprise. They hadn't gone to any formal restaurant, or even diner, since they'd been seeing each other, for fear of others – particularly the higher-ups — catching on to their relationship.

"I think a home-cooked meal would do us both good," she finally replied. "I think that would be best right now."

"Understood," Horatio said, but she could tell he was slightly hurt.

"Horatio, with this whole situation with Ryan, and after everything Eric, I just don't think now's the best time to be announcing our …" She wasn't quite sure what to call their relationship, and she knew that not being able to define that made Horatio uneasy. She sighed, frustrated by the situation they were in. "I'm sorry," she said. "I want this to work … you and me …"

"So do I," he rasped, taking off his sunglasses.

"It's just, we both have a lot of things goin' on right now … and it makes things difficult."

"I know," he said, looking down. "We'll get through this."

"I don't like hiding this either, Horatio," she whispered, "but I can't tell Eric right now … and you know the real kicker?" He looked up at her, eyebrows raised. "He thinks I'm seeing Jake," she laughed nervously.

"Well," Horatio started, looking down and fiddling with his sunglasses, "I suppose that works to our advantage right now."

"Horatio," she said seriously, "you know there's nothing goin' on between us – Jake and I – right? I would never do that to you."

He nodded his head but remained quiet, refusing to meet her gaze. He knew what it was like to have the past come back to haunt you. His recent brush with Yelina had stirred up old feelings.

"Horatio," she said again, bringing him to a corner by the door. Too many eyes were on them, which was making this conversation difficult. "Look at me." He did, and melted under her gaze. "Do you trust me?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Then believe me when I say there's nothing going on with Jake. I'm just catching up with an old friend."

"Old ex-boyfriend, if I recall," he started.

"Yes," she said harsher than she wanted. "Yes, we dated, we … did a lot of things I'm not necessarily proud of … but that was a long time ago. Horatio, we have to trust each other, or else this isn't gonna work. I trusted you when I saw you with Yelina last week …"

"And I appreciate that," Horatio replied. "And I … I understand about wanting to reconcile with past. "

"I know," she said, softening. "Listen, we're OK, Horatio, alright? Now, how about 7 o'clock at my place? I make a mean southern chili."

He grinned, looking up at her. "7 o'clock it is," he replied. "I'll bring dessert?"

"Just bring yourself," she said with a mischievous grin. "That should be good enough."

"Yes, ma'am," he said smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

"Mixed Feelings" – Part V: "Digging Deeper"   
Title: "Mixed Feelings"   
Author: ducainefan   
Rating: M (to be safe)   
Subject: H/C relationship   
NOTE: This part of the story takes place between the Season 5 episodes "Burned" and "Born to Kill." Here's some fluff for those of you (Hcrazy;)) who've been asking.   
PS: Sorry about the formatting – I don't know why it's not putting breaks between paragraphs – I've tried multiple times to fix it, and even copied and pasted the file, so I'm not sure what's going on. Never had this problem before. If anyone has any clue as to how I can insert paragraph breaks, that would be much appreciated   
Part V   
Horatio held onto Calleigh tightly under the blankets, his body still trembling. He was always amazed with how intense their lovemaking could get, and tonight was no exception.   
"Hey, beautiful," he whispered into her ear as he spooned against her. "You OK?"   
"Mmhmm," she replied in a sleepy voice. "Much better than OK, actually." Calleigh wondered what had gotten into him this evening. Horatio had been even more passionate — and possessive — than usual, and he had wiped her out. She supposed it could have something to do with the fact that Jake was trying to edge his way back into her life.   
"What are you thinking about?" he asked in almost boyish tone. Calleigh was amazed at how different Horatio was away from work — how childlike and sensitive.   
"Well," she started, her words slightly slurred, "I suppose I was just thinkin' 'bout how incredible that just was." She felt Horatio smile against her cheek, and she turned over, so that they were face to face.   
"Yea," he whispered, searching her eyes. While he always looked forward to making love to her, it was moments like this, where they spoke silently through each other's eyes, that he cherished the most. "You're my sanity, you know that?" he rasped, stroking her cheek.   
She smiled, taking his hand in hers. "Well," she started, looking down at their hands, "thank you, kindly, but I don't know if I did such a good job tonight – you seemed a bit more … crazy than usual."   
"I, uh … I'm sorry," he said, looking away, a hint of shame creeping into his features.   
"Shhh," Calleigh whispered, bringing a finger to his lips and looking back at him. "I didn't say that was a bad thing. I just want to make sure everything's OK."   
"Yea," he said in a slightly high-pitched tone that she had come to recognize. He was nervous, and she was determined to find out why.   
"C'mon, Horatio, what's goin' on?" she asked, gently urging him to open up to her. It was always awkward and even frustrating at times like this. She could get into his head easy enough – 12 years of working with him had allowed her to practically finish his sentences. It was getting into his heart that was the problem. He held so many secrets inside, and she knew he wasn't comfortable sharing them with her yet.   
"I, uh, I just wanted you to know how much you mean to me, Calleigh," he replied, meeting her gaze.   
"I do," she said, entwining their fingers. "But I need you to tell me what's goin' on. Something was different tonight …"   
"I'm sorry," he said again, shaking his head and rolling to the side, breaking their embrace. He was shutting down, Calleigh thought. She had pushed him too much.   
"Hey," she whispered into his ear, rubbing his back. "I didn't mean to pry …"   
"I know," he rasped, propping himself up with his right hand and looking at the wall. "I just don't … want to lose you," he said in a low voice.   
"I'm right here," Calleigh replied, grasping his hand again and kissing his cheek. "And I'm not goin' anywhere."   
There was a long silence, and the air hung thick between them. Calleigh began to caress his hand, reminding them both of a time when she had done so through the barrier of latex gloves and a q-tip.   
"You know what I'm thinkin', handsome?" she whispered, tracing his fingers. "I'm thinkin' about how lucky I am." He heard him chuckle, somewhat in disbelief, as he looked down at their hands. "It's true, Horatio," she continued. "I'm lucky … no, I'm blessed because the most genuine, honest, compassionate man I know is right here beside me, and I don't deserve him."   
"Now, that is not true," Horatio said, turning to face her. "You deserve so much more than this …"   
"I don't need anything more," she replied.   
"What about … what about children," he said quickly, meeting her eyes.   
He had caught her off-guard with the question, and she looked away. "I … would love to have children," she began.   
"But?"   
"But don't you think it's a little soon for … that kind of talk?"   
"I don't know, what do you think?" he asked.   
"I think," she started carefully, "that we both need to take things one step at a time. We can't even tell anyone about … us … yet. Can you imagine me testing firearms at eight months pregnant, with Stetler breathing down my neck and the lab taking bets on who the father is?"   
"Yea … I think I could," he mused, giving her a slight grin.   
"Horatio!" she giggled as she playfully slapped his chest, pushing him back a bit. "Listen," she said, her tone turning more serious, "if you're asking me if I want to have your children with you, Horatio Caine, the answer is undoubtedly yes."   
"Well then, let's get to it," he said mischievously, raising his eyebrows and shifting to hold her.   
"Easy, lieutenant," she said, giving him a grin and placing her hand on his chest. "While I would love to have lots of mini-Horatios running around this place, the idea of it … it's just so fresh. I hadn't really thought about it, and it's just a lot for me to process."   
"OK," he said, placing his hand over hers, "then we take it slow."   
"Thank you for understanding," she said. "It's just that I think there are other things I'd like to know first before we take that leap."   
"What kind of things?" he asked, and she could see the concern etched in his face.   
"You know I trust you with everything, Horatio, but if we're both serious about this … about us … we have to be able to communicate. I can't just have you shutting down on me. I know you're trying to protect me, but I don't need it, Horatio. I'm a big girl, and you know you can be honest with me – about anything."   
Calleigh could sense the war raging inside him as he fought off the urge to close off to her once more. She brought a hand to his chin and lifted his face to hers. "Horatio," she said in a gentle but serious tone. "I need you to tell me the truth."   
Horatio met her gaze, but there was a hesitation in his eyes. He wasn't good at this. He was used to protecting the women in his life, not burdening them with his fears and doubts. That was what made Calleigh different. She was strong, independent, unafraid. If any woman could help him carry his emotional baggage, Calleigh Duquesne was a perfect fit for the job.   
"You know I, I'm not used to this," he stuttered, laughing nervously and looking down. "I was born to protect and serve … it's all I know how to do, Calleigh."   
"Tell me," she whispered insistently. "Tell me."   
"I … I'm insecure about, about your feelings for me," he said quickly, again stumbling over his words. "I know it doesn't make any sense, and I'm sorry," he continued as she watched him get a bit more animated, gesturing with his hand. "It's just … I think of Jake, and even Eric, and I see them … I see their youth, their strength … In many ways I, I think you'd be better off."   
"C'mon Horatio," she said, caressing his face, tears in her eyes. "You're a better detective than that." He looked at her quizzically. "I think you need to take another look at the evidence," she explained.   
"But I see it, Calleigh," he said, sounding frustrated. It was a tone she rarely heard from him. "I see how happy you are around Eric … and how you and Jake seem to have this … connection."   
"But you're not looking at the big picture," she replied. "Sometimes the evidence can be misleading, but I never meant to mislead you, Horatio. There've been … some things that have happened, before we got together, that I'm not proud of, relationship-wise, but that's over now."   
"What kind of things?" he asked.   
"Trapping me with my own bait, huh?" she sighed. "OK … Before you and I … before we started seeing each other, I had a … physical encounter with Jake."   
Horatio's eyebrows went up. "Did he hurt you?" he asked, concerned.   
"No, no, not like that," she said. "I mean, we … we had sex." There was a long pause. Finally Calleigh decided to break the silence. "Horatio, it was crazy … it was right after that argument you and I had … when I got shot at the pier…"Horatio looked down, remembering, and she saw a pang of guilt flash across his eyes. "Jake, uh … Jake was there, and … and we'd had this history and …"   
"It's OK," Horatio cut in, caressing her arm. "I'm glad you told me, sweetheart, but I don't want you to worry about it anymore, OK? It's over and we're here now."   
"And I don't want you to worry anymore about Jake … or Eric … or anyone else, for that matter," she replied. "Just because you're … mature … doesn't mean you're not attractive. On the contrary," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close, "I happen to find you extremely … appealing." She grinned, leaning into him, and he groaned. "And maturity can certainly have its … advantages," she added, smiling widely.   
"Point taken," he said, giving her a quick kiss. "So … can I tell you something else?" he asked with grin.   
"Why Horatio Caine, opening up to me three times in one night, I think I might faint," Calleigh replied in a heavy southern accent, which she knew he loved.   
"Well," he started, "I was thinking that maybe we could spend next weekend in the Keys … get away from things for awhile."   
"Hmm, sounds like a plan," she said, smiling brightly.   
"Good, then the Keys it is," he said simply, pulling her close. "Hey," he rasped, "I love you."   
"Are you trying to make me swoon?" she asked playfully, her eyes welling with unshed tears.   
"Who me?" he replied innocently.   
"Yea, you, lieutenant," she laughed, pressing her forehead against his and closing her eyes.   
"Tired?" Horatio asked, his voice betraying his own sleepiness.   
"A little," she sighed, snuggling closer to him.   
"Just relax, Cal," he said, caressing her face. "I'll be here when you wake up."   
"Thank you," she rasped, hugging him tighter, and he heard her sniffle.   
"Shhh," he whispered. "We're OK. Things are gonna be OK, I promise." He felt her nod, then felt wetness on his chest. She was crying. "Calleigh?"   
"I'm alright," she mumbled, sounding like a small child. "Just a bit … overwhelmed." Her hand was on his chest, and she could feel his heart beating.   
"I feel it, too," Horatio rasped, kissing her forehead. "You wanna talk about it?"   
"Just hold me," Calleigh said as more tears escaped her eyes. She cried quietly, trying to hold some of her emotions back.   
"OK," he whispered, feeling her body shudder slightly. "OK, sweetheart. Whatever you want. I'm here for you, no matter what, do you hear me? No matter what."   
"I know," she said in a small voice he wasn't used to hearing. "I just … God, I love you."   
"Hey, it's alright," he said, rubbing her back. "I'm here."   
"Don't ever leave me," she whispered.   
"I won't," Horatio replied with determination. He could tell she was thinking about something awful … he wondered if it had to do with her previous relationships. He knew she had had her heart broken an unfair share of times. But he didn't dare ask, he didn't want to push her.   
Soon her crying subsided, and her breathing became deep and even. She was asleep. Horatio looked down at her, finally letting the unshed tears that were clouding his blue eyes fall. "Sleep, sweetheart, sleep well," he whispered, closing his eyes and holding her tight until he finally drifted off. 


	6. Chapter 6

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part VI: "Superficial Wounds?"**

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship

NOTE: This part of the story takes place between the Season 5 episodes "Burned" and "Born to Kill." Here's even more fluff – since you guys seemed to like it so much 

'Maybe she's in there,' Eric said to Horatio as he watched the young CSI head toward another car. Suddenly shots rang out. Following protocol, Horatio ducked behind a car, discharging his weapon, once, twice. Eric was still out in the open, firing his own gun when Horatio watched him collapse to the ground, screaming.

'Eric!' Horatio yelled, running over and dragging Eric behind another car while firing his weapon for cover. Horatio's heart was racing as he watched Eric stare at the car in front of him. At first, he thought his CSI was going into shock, the bullet having pierced his upper thigh, but then he saw it ­— the sniper. One quick shot was all it took, and Horatio sighed in relief, looking back at Eric.

'I'm fine,' Eric breathed, grasping his wound. 'I'm gonna be fine.' If this had happened two years ago, Horatio would've been kneeling next to him, putting pressure on the wound, but instead, he stood in shock, the whole scene playing out for him in slow motion. He couldn't believe it. It all seemed like a bad dream. All he could think was, 'Not again.'

Just when he was about to get his wits together and go to Eric's aid, Horatio heard another shot ring out. What he didn't see was the blood that spurted from the back of Eric's head as the second sniper hit his mark. Horatio turned quickly, shooting off a few rounds until he heard the assailant fleeing.

When he looked back, Eric was down again — this time the gunman had struck a fatal blow. Trying to process the image before him, Horatio stared at Eric's eerily open eyes, watching the blood pool around his head.

'Eric?' he called quietly, his voice cracking. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity — as if willing himself to wake up from this nightmare. When he realized it wasn't a dream, his instincts took over.

'Eric!' he cried more forcefully, kneeling beside his brother-in-law. 'Oh no, no,' he rasped, feeling his neck for a pulse. 'Eric, talk to me! Keep breathing, brother …'

Horatio had lost so much over the past year, and the prospect of losing not only a good friend, but also someone who had become family to him haunted his thoughts as he shook his head in disbelief. 'No, oh no,' he whispered again, grasping Eric's hand, checking his palm for a pulse.

He didn't hear the sirens, didn't feel the tears sliding down his face as the paramedics pulled him away, asking him what had happened. All he could think of was that Eric was dead. Just like Ray, just like Marisol.

At the thought of her name, Horatio looked up and could've sworn he saw his wife standing before him, looking more concerned than angry. 'You promised me, Horatio,' she said softly. 'You promised me you'd look after my little brother … don't you remember?"

'I … I … Marisol?" he whispered, shocked and ashamed.

'You can't let this happen, Horatio," he heard her say. 'You can't let him die the way I did. You promised me. You promised me.'

Those words echoed continuously through Horatio's mind until an EMT snapped him out of his torment.

'Lieutenant,' the young EMT called rather loudly, and Horatio looked up, meeting his gaze. 'What happened, sir?'

'I … Sniper hit … Clavo Cruz,' he said in a low voice. 'Eric …'

'He's gone, lieutenant.'

Horatio looked up in disbelief, watching as the EMTs slowed their actions. 'Hey!' Horatio shouted. 'Let's go, let's load him!'

'I can't get a pulse, lieutenant,' said one of the EMT who was working on Eric. The name on his shirt read "Gonzalez" 'You see all this blood?' he continued. 'He'd be lucky if he made it to the hospital alive. I don't think we're gonna win this one.'

'I'm not giving up on him, Gonzalez, you understand me?' Horatio said, eyes blazing. 'I'm not giving up, and neither are you. So keep working.'

The EMT looked at Horatio. The half-crazed look in his eyes was enough to get Gonzalez back to finding a pulse. Horatio watched as three people worked on his young CSI in a desperate attempt to resurrect him.

'C'mon Eric,' he said loudly, hoping his CSI would hear him. 'Don't you leave me, pal.'

'Hey! I got a pulse, let's load him!' Gonzalez called, and Horatio looked up, a flash of hope rising inside him.

'That's it, Eric, hang in there,' Horatio called, following the CSI into the emergency vehicle.

'Sorry lieutenant,' Gonzalez said, stopping him from going into the back. He could see rage in Horatio's gaze, and took a step back. 'Listen, we gotta get as many of our guys in there as possible to keep him stable.'

'OK, OK,' Horatio replied, his jaw clenched. 'I'll meet you there.'

--------------------------------

Calleigh was stirred from her sleep as she felt Horatio tossing and turning in the bed. She'd only seen him have nightmares like this twice before — and both times he had gotten up and slept on the couch afterwards, avoiding any attempt she made at finding out what had happened. She turned on her side, facing him, not sure if she should wake him. He was soaked in sweat, but she was pretty sure it was tears that were running down his cheeks.

"Eric," he cried in desperation, and she knew right away what this dream was about. "No … Marisol …"

Calleigh's eyebrows went up at the mention of Marisol's name. They'd never discussed her — it was a sore subject for the both of them — so they carefully tap-danced around it.

"I'm … no, I'm sorry…" he mumbled. Calleigh's eyes began to well up with unwanted tears as she watched in horror. She hated time like this — even though they were few and far between. She felt so helpless. She had to do something.

"Horatio," she whispered, caressing his back gently.

"No … Eric … Marisol," he moaned, his brows furrowed in concern. "I can't … I can't …"

Calleigh placed two fingers on Horatio's neck and felt his pulse. It was racing, and she knew she had to wake him up before he had a heart attack in his sleep.

"Horatio!" she called loudly.

"NO!" he screamed, jetting up in the bed, accidentally knocking Calleigh away and onto the floor. "I … what …" he was breathing heavy, trying to take in his surroundings.

"Horatio," Calleigh whispered, one hand on the bed and the other holding her arm. Horatio looked to his left to see Calleigh, kneeling on the floor, trying to get back onto the bed.

"Calleigh what … what's goin' on?" he asked groggily, leaning over to help her back into bed.

"You had a bad dream," she said, groaning as she lay down on her back, still clutching her left shoulder, which was bleeding.

"I … oh God … are you hurt? Did I hurt you," he asked, panicked, shifting over quickly and reaching for her arm.

"It's fine," she said, trying to give him a smile, but it came out as a grimace when he touched her shoulder.

"It doesn't look fine," he said with concern. "Oh God, Cal … I'm …"

"Horatio, it's OK. I must've knocked into the corner of the dresser on my way down.

I just need to ice it," she said, getting up from the bed.

Horatio shook his head as he watched her get up and head to the bathroom, his stomach churning. "Calleigh …"

"It's superficial," she called, running the water and cleaning the cut. She went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed the peroxide. When she didn't hear him reply, she sighed, trying to lighten the mood. "C'mon Horatio, you know I've had much worse. Don't you remember that time with the harpoon?"

The silence hung over both of them, and Calleigh shook her head as she placed a bandage over the wound and walked back into the bedroom.

"Horatio, stop blaming — " she stopped midway through her sentence as she looked up, realizing he was no longer in bed. "Horatio?" she said, concerned. She threw on her bathrobe and made her way to the living room. It was dark, and she was tempted to turn on a light, until she heard his voice coming from the corner of the room.

"I should go," Horatio said in a low tone. He was staring out her window, one arm leaning against the wall, clad only in his boxers.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she insisted, moving behind him and wrapping her arms around him. She was struck by the height difference – she usually was eye-to-eye with him, but in her bare feet it was hard to reach him. She kissed his shoulder gently, holding him tighter.

"I think I should go," he said again, his voice cracking. He turned, breaking the embrace, but she stepped in front of him.

"Don't hide from me," she said, her voice strong but filled with emotion.

Horatio sighed and looked down, his eyes wandering to her arm. "Can I see?" he asked.

She nodded silently, and went to pull the cloth from her shoulders, but he stopped her. "May I?" he asked quietly, placing his hand on the top of her robe. She nodded again, and he pushed the material away from her shoulder. She watched his eyes, which were clearly visible due to the reflection of the streetlights through the window. She desperately wanted to read him.

The first emotion she thought she saw in Horatio's eyes was confusion, followed by a flash of anger, and then a flood of regret. His hand smoothed over her shoulder, removing the bandage. He leaned down, planting a soft kiss on her wound.

"Horatio," she rasped, watching as a tear trickled down his face. He continued to stare at her shoulder. "Horatio?"

"I swore I'd never be like him," he said in a dark voice she had never heard before.

"Like who?" she asked softly, her hand moving to his face to wipe the tear away.

"Like my father," he sighed, looking down and moving toward the couch. He sat down with a sigh, placing his head in his hands. Calleigh followed, silently taking a seat next to him. Horatio rubbed his face, then leaned forward, folding his hands. "I'm sorry Calleigh," he said, finally breaking the silence.

"You were dreaming," she whispered, taking his hands and entwining them in hers. "Do you remember?"

He looked away, but grasped her fingers tightly. It was so hard for him to share these things with her. "All I want is to protect the people I love, but all I seem to do is get them hurt," he rasped, ducking his head.

"Was it about Eric?" she asked hesitantly. He looked up, staring at the wall.

"Yea," he whispered. "The shooting again. It's always the same …"

"But Eric didn't die, Horatio — you saved him."

"It should've been me," he said, shaking his head.

"God … Don't think like that, Horatio," she rasped, grasping his hands tighter.

"I promised her I'd protect him," he choked out, his emotions overpowering him. "I promised her …"

"Marisol," Calleigh said simply.

"Yes," Horatio replied, looking down. There was an awkward silence — they tried never to broach this subject.

"Horatio," Calleigh sighed, looking at their hands. "Come back to bed with me." He looked up at her, unsure. "It's OK," she encouraged. "Let's get some sleep. We'll talk in the morning, OK?" Horatio nodded, slowly letting go of her hands. He pushed himself up off the couch, then reached for her.

"Ma'am?" he said, holding his hand out to her.

"Lieutenant," she replied, stealing back tears as she grasped his hand and stood up, facing him. He pulled her close, searching her eyes.

"Come here," he rasped, pulling her into his embrace. "I am so sorry, Calleigh …" he whispered in her ear, holding her tight.

"It's OK," she choked out. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I wish I could believe that," he whispered, still holding her.

"Then believe it," she said, breaking the embrace and pulling him down for a kiss. Surprised, he was tentative at first, but soon returned the kiss fiercely, pulling her even closer. When they finally broke apart, he looked down, a grin creeping onto his face.

"Now there's my LT," Calleigh drawled, flashing him a broad smile.

"Well," he sighed, "we better get some rest. It's almost 3 a.m.," he noted, nodding toward the clock.

"Promise me you won't drop this," she said seriously, in that no-nonsense tone that he had come to admire over the years.

"OK," he sighed. "I surrender. I'm not hiding anymore."

"Smart move, lieutenant," she said playfully. "You know how persuasive I can be if I have to get into interrogation mode."

"Simple, but effective, ma'am," he smirked. "We'll talk later. I promise."

"Good," she said, planting a soft kiss on his lips.

"Keep that up, sweetheart, and we won't get any sleep," he whispered, gesturing toward the bedroom door.

"Just giving you something to look forward to, handsome," she smiled, following him into the bedroom.


	7. Chapter 7

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part VII: "The Past Is Present"**

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters on CSI:MIAMI, nor am I making any money off this - as a matter of fact I don't make much, so please don't sue!

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during the Season 5 finale, "Born to Kill." Some fluff, but this is mostly about filling in the blanks, DuCaine style For the record, I've used quotes from the episode, which was written by Ann Donahue and Sunil Nayer, just to put things into context. The direct quotes from the episodes are in italics. I have to say, it was a challenge to make this work, but hopefully I did it justice. I'm not sure about the direction of this story, as I really want to keep it true to what's going on in the show, and from some of the spoilers I've seen, that's gonna get even tougher. I did include a minor spoiler for the season premiere at the end – which I got from the previews. Anyhow, let me know what you think!

The sound of buzzing woke Horatio up from his somewhat restless sleep. He rolled over as Calleigh groaned, feeling the loss of his arm around her.

"Damn," he whispered, looking at the page.

"What is it?" Calleigh asked, her question muffled by the pillow.

"We got a DB," he said groggily, running a hand through his hair and glancing at the clock, which read 5:35 a.m. He sighed, rolling out of bed and heading toward the bathroom.

"Hey handsome," Calleigh called as he looked back. "Don't use up all the hot water, OK?" she grinned.

"Never," he replied in a mock serious tone, followed by a grin of his own. Calleigh giggled and closed her eyes, fighting off the tiredness of a long night. She finally got up as she heard the water from shower turn on, and headed toward the bathroom.

"We really need to take that vacation in the Keys," she sighed, washing her face and grabbing her toothbrush. While some may think it was silly, Calleigh thought leaving a toothbrush at a man's place was a sign of intimacy beyond the bedroom.

"I didn't think it was a half-bad idea myself," Horatio said, popping his head out of the shower curtain. His red hair was covered with shampoo, sticking out in all directions, and Calleigh couldn't help but laugh. "What?" he asked innocently. "I like the thought of having you all to myself," he added, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Down, lieutenant," she said, her words muffled by the toothpaste in her mouth. "We've got a crime scene to investigate."

"And everyone thinks I'm the serious one," he smiled. "And if you'll allow me, you look beautiful this morning."

"Are you serious, Horatio?" she laughed. "I've got circles my eyes, I haven't even showered yet, and I'm wearing an old Ramones T-shirt. I look terrible."

"I beg to differ," he grinned, moving back behind the shower curtain.

"Well, flattery will get you nowhere this morning, handsome," she drawled. "But if you're this blown away by me right now, morning breath and all, I guess it must be true love after all."

"The best kind," he replied, turning off the water and grabbing a towel and drying off a bit before walking out of the shower. "So," he said, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Why don't you meet me at the crime scene in half an hour? We'll get this case wrapped up – and give the victim's family some closure – so we can talk about the Keys to your heart's content."

"Sounds like a plan," she said, leaning into him.

"That's my bullet girl," he replied, kissing the top of her head before breaking the embrace and moving to the bedroom.

"I wonder what kind of car Frank has today," Calleigh called, jumping into the shower. "Ever since that water heater annihilated his new ride, Tripp's been trading in cars like baseball cards. Been real grouchy, lately, too."

"Well, Francis has never been one to get caught up in materialism, but that was his first big purchase since the divorce," Horatio noted, buttoning his shirt.

"I would've paid cold hard cash to see how he explained that one to the insurance company," Calleigh said.

"Yep poor Frank," he replied, pulling on his trousers. "But on the flipside, our own Mr. Wolfe will be gracing us with his presence today."

"Going over his old cases?" Calleigh asked as she turned off the water and stepped out of the shower.

"Yep," he said, buckling his belt and grabbing his suit jacket. Calleigh exited the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, drying her hair.

"Do you think he's gonna get his job back?" she asked, her voice faltering a bit. Even though Calleigh was angry with Ryan Wolfe for what he did, Horatio knew she missed working with him — she'd taken Ryan under her wing, at Horatio's urging, and trained him, after all.

"I think," he said carefully, "that he has a shot, if he plays cards right, so to speak."

"Oh, bad choice of words," she said, shaking her head and throwing the towel she was drying her hair with at him.

"I couldn't agree more," he sighed, catching the towel and tossing it to the side before walking up to her. "I'll see you in a bit."

"You bet," she said, smiling. "And don't think for one second that I'm letting you off the hook about last night."

Horatio's brows furrowed as he remembered. "Oh Cal, I'm so sorry, how's your shoulder …"

"It's fine, and that's not what I meant," she said gently. "What I mean," she began, taking his hands in hers, "is that we really need to talk … about things. You know?"

"OK," Horatio replied. "You know I'm a man of my word."

"One of your best qualities, babe," she said sweetly, and gave him a quick kiss before going back into the bathroom to put on her makeup. "We'll catch the bad guys. We always do – and in record time lately."

Horatio looked back, thinking about how lucky he was to have her supporting him. He'd been so lonely – so alone – for so long that he was almost afraid to get too comfortable with someone – to feel this way. Almost, he thought. With a sigh, he grabbed his cell phone and sunglasses as he headed out toward his Hummer to try and get some justice for the woman who was now lying dead in her own apartment.

--------------------------------------

Arriving at the crime scene, Horatio lifted the yellow tape and entered the house, searching for Frank Tripp.

"_Detective Berkeley,"_ Horatio said in surprise, hands on hips.

"Bet ya didn't expect to find me out so early in the day," Jake Berkeley grinned.

"Where's Frank?"

"Oh, he had a court date or somethin', so they called me in," Jake explained.

"Alright," Horatio said, looking back down at the body. _"Dispatch said we have stabbing."_

"_I'd say multiple," Jake replied._

From the moment he saw the dead body, Horatio got a sinking feeling in his gut – a feeling that this wasn't an ordinary, run-of-the-mill murder. The incision on Shelly Seaver's chest chilled him to the bone. There were no signs of a murder weapon, and the place looked pretty clean.

"_Her clothes indicate a sexual assault," Horatio noted._

"_She's got biological fluid on her thighs," Jake said as Horatio gave him a look that made him feel uncomfortable. "I didn't touch the body," he said defensively, holding up his hands. "I used a mirror. I'll have Dr. Woods collect kit."_

As Jake filled him in on the particulars — including the fact that they were still searching for the murder weapon — the sick feeling in the pit of Horatio's stomach grew. _"That means our guy brought a killing kit," Horatio said._

"_Now that's hardcore,"_ Jake replied, and Horatio shot him another look.

Jake's tone bothered Horatio. He didn't like the hot-shot way Jake handled himself, or the way he seemed to be almost happy about the fact that they may have a serial killer on their hands. 'Anything to further your career, huh, Jake?' Horatio thought to himself.

"Jake?" Calleigh drawled, snapping Horatio from his thoughts. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh hey, Cal," Jake replied, walking toward her. "Guess even if people won't stop killin' each other, we still can find some quality time, huh?"

Horatio arched an eyebrow, trying to keep his jealousy in check. He knew these two had a history, but this wasn't the time or place to be thinking about personal relationships.

"Let's keep this professional, OK?" Calleigh said tersely.

"Well, good to see you too, sunshine" Jake grumbled. "You're here pretty early."

"So are you apparently," she replied.

"Tripp's in court, so I'm in," he said curtly. "I thought you'd be happy we could work a case together – maybe it'll be like old times."

"Jake," she started, glancing at Horatio, "let's stick to the case, OK?"

"Oh, right, not in front of the boss," he whispered sarcastically, and Horatio shot him yet another stern look.

"Detective Berkeley," Horatio said, moving toward them. "Why don't you and Calleigh question the victim's friend over there while I find our M.E., OK?"

"Sure thing, lieutenant," he said with a smile. Calleigh looked back at Horatio as he walked out, giving him a 'You can't be serious' look before turning back to the dead body. A young blond, she noted, a chill running down her spine. There was something odd about this case that gave her the willies.

"Is that … is that a signature?" Calleigh asked, pointing to the 'Y'-shaped incision on the victim's chest.

"Could be," Jake said. "Maybe her friend will know more about that."

------------------------------------------

"Hey," Calleigh called to Horatio in the halls of the crime lab. "Heard you and Tripp picked up a suspect at Mosquito Island."

"We did," Horatio said.

"You think this Lucas Wade is our guy?"

"I think so," he said carefully. "All the evidence seems to line up, and there's something else…"

"What is it?" Calleigh asked, crossing her arms.

"It's just a feeling. I guess after 20 plus years on the force you get a certain sixth sense for these kinds of killers."

"I'll bet," Calleigh replied. "This whole case gives me the creeps. You think we have another David Berkewitz on our hands?"

"If we do," Horatio said, "he's not going anywhere but county lock-up, then maybe back to Boston for trial on those old cases."

"Yea, they probably have dibs on that, huh?"

"Well, as long as these victims' families know the truth, and this guy gets what's coming to him, I'd say we've done our job."

Calleigh nodded and moved toward the wall, with Horatio following suit. She spoke in a low voice, "So, does that mean we have a plan for tonight?"

"Most definitely," he said, grinning.

"Well, I'll see you later, Horatio – I'm heading out to do a little research."

"About what, if I may ask?"

"This whole Y chromosome thing's got my interest peaked. I wanted to find out more about this so-called 'killer' gene."

"It's an interesting theory," Horatio started.

"You think Lucas Wade was born to kill?"

"Honestly? I don't think so," he said. "I've already looked into some of the studies myself, for background on the killer, and it seems the notion had been debunked several years ago. Besides, from my experience, monsters like him aren't born that way – they're created."

"Boggles the mind," she said shaking her head. "Well," she perked up, putting on her best smile for him, "guess I'll actually take a lunch break for a change then. Wanna come with?"

"Well, I still have some paperwork to finish up," he replied, a look of disappointment on his face. "Have to make sure all the 'I's' are dotted and 'T's' are crossed."

"Alright," she sighed. "I'll catch ya later, then."

"I'll be on the cell if you need anything," he replied, watching her walk off.

--------------------------------------------

Walking down the steps of the Miami-Dade crime lab, Calleigh heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"_Hey," Jake called._

"_Hey,"_ she said, smiling, trying to mask her uneasiness. Calleigh was trying to be careful not to let on that she was in a relationship – not trusting Jake with any information about her personal life. She was particularly concerned that he wouldn't give up until he found out who her new "boyfriend" was – and that was something she couldn't let get out, for both her and Horatio's sakes.

"_With Lucas Wade in custody, looks like we can finally have that dinner," Jake said._ Calleigh's stomach tightened. She wanted to have dinner with Jake, but when she was ready – and definitely not for the same reasons he did. Still wanting to be friends, she didn't want to lead him on – he obviously had ideas of his own about their relationship.

"_Those are famous last words," she started sweetly, hoping to let him down gently. "You know every time we try something happens. Shouldn't we just say it's a sign?"_

"_Nah," Jake replied, "I just gotta work harder, finish earlier," he said, smiling._ Calleigh knew she was in deep trouble, and was still somewhat tongue-tied when a woman approached them.

"_Excuse me, I was wondering if one of you might help me. Do you know where I go to post bail?"_

"_For whom would you like to post bail?" Calleigh asked._

"_Lucas Wade. He's my brother."_

Calleigh and Jake both looked at each other, and upon further conversation convinced Lindsay Wade to come inside the crime lab. 'Maybe she could shed some light on her brother,' Calleigh thought as they walked back inside.

-----------------------------------------------------

In an interrogation room, Calleigh carefully studied Lindsay Wade. Something about her made her feel uneasy.

"_They told my parents he had the criminal gene, that he was prone to violence," _Lindsay explainedabout her brother, who had been part of a study during the 1970s up in Boston.

"_How did your parents react to that?" Calleigh asked._

"_My dad called him a freak, a mistake," Lindsay said sadly. "I tried to be there for him, but he just became unreachable."_

Calleigh briefly flashed back to her childhood in Louisiana with her two younger brothers — Denny and Gabe. They were playing by a creek as Calleigh sat on the shore, cleaning her new rifle that her father had gotten her for her 14th birthday.

Snapping herself out of the scene with a blink of her eyes, Calleigh continued, _"So even though that theory had been debunked, the damage had been done. Your brother thought he was born to kill. And that's when the killings started," _Calleigh continued, referring the Boston murders.

"_I never thought that that could be him," Lindsay said. "Call me crazy, but I still don't."_

Again, a moment from her past flashed before Calleigh, a scene of her brother Denny sitting on the porch of their home, her mother and father yelling at each other in the background. 'This was hitting too close to home,' Calleigh thought as she collected herself.

"_He's your brother. I understand,"_ Calleigh replied empathetically. 'I understand more than you know,' she thought to herself. _"But Ms. Wade, I think it's entirely possible that you may have to face that as a reality."_

Lindsay nodded sadly as Calleigh looked at her notes. 'Something is off,' she thought. 'Maybe Horatio isn't the only one with a sixth sense.'

"Can I see my brother now?" Lindsay asked.

"I don't know if that's possible right now," Calleigh said carefully.

"Alright, well then please call me if you hear anything … anything that might clear all this up," she said, a bit nervously.

"Absolutely," Calleigh replied.

"OK, well, you have my card. I'll be going."

"Take care," Calleigh said as she watched the woman walk out. 'Something's off,' she thought again. It wasn't every day that she was reminded of her childhood, but this case, it seemed to bring back memories that she'd rather put behind her …

--------------------------------------------

Horatio sped down the highway in his hummer, lights flashing. 'Another murder,' he thought, his stomach feeling queasy. It worried him to think his instincts may have been wrong about Lucas Wade, but he quickly dismissed those fears, telling himself it was probably a copy-cat or an accomplice.

The thing that worried him most was the fact that these monsters were prowling the streets, going after innocent women. Innocent women like Calleigh. Now, he knew she could hold her own if anything ever happened, but the thought of her getting attacked by one of these creeps made his stomach turn even more.

'Why now?' he thought as he drove up to the crime scene and parked the Hummer. They'd worked plenty of cases involving cold-blooded killers, and he'd never had this concern for Calleigh before. But this seemed different somehow.

"_Eric?"_ he said, shaking away his thoughts and entering the crime scene.

"_The 'Y' marking is consistent with this morning's killing," Eric explained. "We're still looking for the murder weapon."_

"_Who called it in?"_

"_Her son, Arthur," Eric said sadly, and Horatio's heart dropped. "He came home from school and found her like this."_

Closing his eyes briefly, Horatio fought the image that played in his mind – an image of himself, as a teenager, kneeling over the body of his own mother.

"_He won't talk to anyone," Eric said._

"_He'll talk to me," Horatio replied with conviction, heading out to the dock._

Making his way to the boy, Horatio could tell he was still in shock. He sat down next to the boy, his feet dangling over the dock, trying to get on Arthur's level – to let him know that he understood what the boy was feeling.

"_Arthur, my name's Horatio Caine. Can you tell me what happened?"_ He found that just talking plainly to children – instead of talking down to them — was one of the best ways to get them to open up. Inside himself, he still felt like a frightened child in many ways – working to make up for his own sins, but more so to give his own mother's death meaning.

As the young boy explained what he heard and saw, Horatio listened intently, trying to reassure him that he was safe. He never would lie to a child – tell them that everything was just dandy and that life would go back to normal in no time. He knew better than that, and believed children could see that in him.

"_Is he coming back?" the boy asked fearfully._

"_Arthur, I don't want you to worry about him, you're safe now."_

"_Is he coming back for it," the boy insisted, and Horatio was perplexed._

"_Son, what are you talking about?"_

Reaching into his backpack, the boy brought out a knife – the murder weapon. Horatio's breath caught in his throat. Seeing the boy with the knife in his hand – blood all over it – sent Horatio back more than 30 years ago, when he had taken a knife out of his own mother – and used to kill his father, who was aiming to murder his brother Raymond next.

"_I took it out of my mom," Arthur explained fearfully, hoping he wasn't in trouble. "I didn't want it to hurt her anymore."_

Horatio swallowed at the boy's words, pushing back his own bad memories. "Arthur, you're very brave," he said, his voice a bit raspy.

Taking the murder weapon, Horatio stood up, urging the boy to come with him, and he did.

-------------------------------------

Despite the second killing, Lucas Wade was still on the hook for Shelly Seaver's murder. What no one counted on was Lucas's ability to wiggle out of a jam – he'd done it so often in Boston.

"_I've got an officer down. Request medical assistance immediately, immediately!"_ Horatio shouted into his cell as he ran toward the overturned van that had been carrying Lucas Wade to prison. He saw Jake, bloody and hanging out of the van, and for a second Horatio's heart stopped. Even though he didn't particularly care for Jake, they were still on the same side – and he knew Jake still meant something to Calleigh. He never wanted to see any officer down, especially one he knew – no matter how he felt about them personally.

"_Jake?" he called, approaching his form. "Jake?"_

"_I'm OK," he replied groggily. "Sorry, I didn't see that coming."_

"_Neither will he, brother, neither will he."_ In that moment, Horatio was brought back to memories of his own brother, Raymond. Ray and Jake were a lot alike, Horatio thought. Horatio's unconscious choice of words spoke volumes in terms of his true feelings about Jake.

"Do you see him?" Jake rasped, wincing as he tried to get up.

"Jake, I don't want you to move, OK?" Horatio said, leaning over him. "Where does it hurt?"

"I'm fine," he insisted, but doubled over in pain as he attempted to move again.

"You're going to the hospital," Horatio said. "Now just relax. Help's on the way. We'll catch Lucas. I promise."

Jake nodded, coughing. "Hey, lieutenant?"

"Yea," Horatio said, still kneeling over him.

"Tell Calleigh she might be right," he said.

"About what?"

"Just tell her," he rasped, coughing again.

"You can tell her yourself in a little while," Horatio replied, looking toward the front of the van at the driver. He walked over checking for a pulse.

"Hosselman?" Jake asked, looking to see if the officer was OK.

"No," Horatio said sadly.

"Damn it," Jake hissed, rolling onto his back. They both heard the sirens of the emergency vehicles as Horatio went back over to Jake.

"Here's the ambulance – now you hang in there, OK?"

"Yea … and thanks," Jake said as a group of medics rushed toward the scene.

------------------------------------------------------

Navigating through the cop cars and hummers, Calleigh made her way to the crime scene, the blue and white police lights flashing in the background.

"Horatio!" Calleigh called, approaching the van. "Where's Jake? I can't find out anything."

"I sent him to the hospital, but I think he's going to be fine," Horatio said softly, trying to reassure her. "Are you OK?"

"Yea, of course, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Calleigh, I understand that you two were close – you don't have to hide from me."

"I'm not hiding," she started, but then stopped, turning and running her hands through her hair. "God, Horatio, I just … how many hits can we take?"

"I understand," he replied, reaching out and grasping her hand.

"Horatio," she whispered, glancing around.

"I know, I know," he sighed, giving her hand a squeeze before releasing it.

"I hate hiding this," she said in a low tone.

"I know, believe me, I feel the same. We'll figure this out, but right now we've got a dead officer and a serial killer on the loose." They both stood together for a second in silence, surveying the scene.

"We've gotta catch this guy before someone else dies," Calleigh said urgently.

"Yea," Horatio rasped. "Listen, Eric's in the field looking for evidence. Why don't you join him?"

"I'm on it," she said, and turned to walk towards the woods.

"And Calleigh?" Horatio called, watching her turn around. "Be careful."

"Always am," she said, giving him a small smile before walking away.

-------------------------------------------

Snapping her cell phone shut, Calleigh breathed a sigh of relief. The ER attendant told her Jake was going to be just fine, which made Calleigh feel more at ease with getting back to the case. She really did want to straighten things out with Jake, and the thought of losing him — well, they'd been close and she knew it wouldn't be easy to deal with that kind of grief again.

Approaching Eric, Calleigh realized she was walking into another tenuous situation. Eric was still suffering from some memory loss from the Tobby Bender altercation a week or so ago, and, as far as he was concerned, Calleigh was currently seeing was Jake. She sighed, thinking of the best way to approach this situation.

"_I spoke to the ER," she started, "Jake's gonna be alright."_

"_Oh, I'm sure he would love for you to go visit him in the hospital,"_ Eric said in a somewhat sarcastic tone.

'This is great - As if things weren't confused enough already,' Calleigh thought to herself, trying to think of what to tell Eric.

"_Hey, you know what? I came to see you in the hospital too,"_ she contended, trying to make the parallel.

"_Yea … that was different," he replied._

Collecting herself, Calleigh decided against telling him the truth in this situation. She'd already tried that, and it had backfired – big time. This time, she was going to tell Eric what he expected to hear.

"_It is different because you and I work together,"_ she said, hoping he would back off.

"_You work with Jake, too,"_ he said begrudgingly. Calleigh sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be easy.

"_He's in homicide. You and I are in the lab day and night,"_ she said quickly. Wanting him to know that she was still there for him, that she still cared for him, she added, _"You know I trust you with my life. I don't even know how I feel about Jake yet."_

Everything in that last statement was true – she did trust Eric, and she wasn't sure what was going on between her and Jake. She just left out the small detail about her falling in love with someone else – someone she trusted even more than Eric – someone who he had once called a brother-in-law. 'A little white lie,' she told herself, hoping he would drop the issue now.

"_Alright," Eric sighed. "Maybe we should get back to work."_

Calleigh breathed a sigh of relief and they both got back to the matter at hand. She hoped this conversation would be enough for now, but she knew Eric – he was persistent. 'Now that I'm finally happy with someone, both Jake and Eric are on my tail,' she thought, nearly laughing at the absurdity of it all.

------------------------------------------------

Once the CSIs had caught Wade's accomplice, things began to piece together fast. Calleigh knew her own instincts, and was not surprised to learn that Lindsay Wade was responsible for the murder of Jennifer Royce. But in a twist neither Calleigh nor Horatio could foresee, Lindsay's little girl was now in the hands of Lucas – and they were now racing against the clock.

"Calleigh," Horatio called from his Hummer, which was parked just outside Lindsay's house. She had already been taken into custody.

"I heard what happened," Calleigh said, meeting him as they both walked toward the front door. "Lucas has her daughter?"

"Unfortunately, that seems to be the case," he sighed, taking off his sunglasses, his eyes searching around the room.

"That doesn't add up," Calleigh sighed. "He's a rapist and a murderer – but his own six-year-old niece? And then there's Lindsay. How could she just get up one morning and murder someone so easily, just to cover for her brother? It just doesn't make sense."

"I've been thinking the same thing," Horatio replied, shaking his head and looking down.

"Horatio? Are you OK?"

"Yea," he said quickly, looking up, his eyes meeting hers.

"Yea?" Calleigh said softly, crossing her arms.

"It's just … I was just thinking of Jennifer Royce … of her little boy … and I, uh…" he trailed off, looking away.

"Listen," she began, touching his arm gently, "I know this case must've dredged up some pretty bad memories … believe me, I know … it has for me too."

He looked back at her, eyebrow arched. "Calleigh? Are _you_ alright?"

"I'm fi-"she stopped herself, sighing. "I'm gonna be OK, and so are you. We caught Jennifer Royce's murderer. Now we just need to catch this creep."

"My thoughts exactly," he side, placing his hands on his hips. "Listen, we'll talk later."

"Hey H!" Eric called from the street, approaching with his kit. Calleigh quickly let go of Horatio's arm and backed away, giving Horatio a 'That was close' glance. "Where do you want me, H?"

"Eric," he said, putting his sunglasses back on, "you and Calleigh search the house and see what you can find, OK?"

"You got it, H," Eric replied.

"I'll be on the cell," he said, walking back to his Hummer.

"Hey, is H alright?" Eric asked as they both went into the house.

"I don't know," Calleigh said sadly, placing her kit down by the doorway. "I hope so."

As they began processing the scene, Calleigh could feel the tension in the room. She was agitated at this whole case, and at the fact that she couldn't help Horatio right now, when he obviously seemed to need her. She was angry at Lindsay Wade for lying to her, and angry at herself for not seeing it sooner. When Eric tried to insist on the urgency of finding Lindsay Wade's daughter, Calleigh felt an odd apathy fall over her – something she hadn't felt in years.

"_I have a hard time feeling sorry for her since she killed Jennifer Royce and she's probably covering for him,"_ she said of Lindsay Wade.

"_He has her little girl, Calleigh," Eric insisted._

"_Yea, but still, she's a murderer."_ It was that cut-and-dry to Calleigh right now. Lindsay Wade had ruined the life of a little boy – a little boy who reminded her very much of Horatio and his past, or what little he told her of it. She was angry at the situation, and she was taking it out on Eric.

"_Family psychologies run deep," Eric responded. "They make you do things you never thought you were capable of."_

Even though she knew Eric would have no way of knowing anything about her own past, Calleigh couldn't help but take that statement personally. She thought of her brothers, of her father and mother, of that day in September … until finally something dawned her – not about her own life, but about the case.

"_Yea, you're right," she said. "Do you mind finishing up here? I'm gonna go check on something."_

Getting into her Hummer, Calleigh raced back to the lab. 'Horatio isn't the only one with dark family secrets,' she thought grimly. 'And I have feeling neither is Lindsay Wade.'

----------------------------------------------------

Sitting across from Lindsay Wade, Calleigh felt a mixture of emotions washing over her. She knew she was wrong to be so callous about the little girl, but a part of her felt Lindsay had it coming to her. She was responsible for ruining that little boy's life – and Horatio was placing the blame on himself for that one. She hated Lindsay Wade for that, but she knew that didn't have to transcend to the woman's little girl, who deserved better.

"_You know, I kept thinking about Jennifer Royce," _Calleigh said to Lindsay as they both sat in an interrogation room_. "And then I was wondering about you, and how could a 30-year-old woman kill so easily on the spur of the moment, and then I realized your brother was the only one who knew you killed before."_

"_It was an accident," she replied defensively._

"_But it was not his, it was yours, wasn't it?" Calleigh responded._

During the interrogation, the word accident kept ringing in Calleigh's mind. 'It was an accident.' That's what she had told her father about her baby brother Gabe – and it was true, as true as the fact that Lindsay Wade accidentally pushed her little sister to hard down the stairs – her baby sister.

As the confession came spilling out of Lindsay's mouth, Calleigh listened intently, but could feel the knot growing in the pit of her stomach. They were just playing, she said. Their mother was asleep. It was an accident.

In the back of her mind, Calleigh could see her own family tragedy unfolding – the tragedy that had led to her father's alcoholism, her mother's depression and drug abuse, and the divorce of her parents. She couldn't save her little brother. She hadn't meant for it to happen, and she told herself that she did all she could to save him. But as Lindsay finished her confession, Calleigh realized she had never truly forgiven herself for what happened to Gabe all those years ago.

"_What about my baby?" _Lindsay's words forced Calleigh to swallow and respond. She wasn't sure if she believed what she was going to say, but she wanted to make a point.

"Don't worry, Ms. Wade," she rasped. "We actually do know how to save people." And they did – Horatio's team, together, did know how to save people. What Calleigh wasn't sure about, and what she didn't want anyone else to know, was how unsure she was of her own ability to save people.

Standing up, she nodded to the officer in the room, who took Lindsay Wade away in handcuffs. Calleigh sighed, putting the pen down on the table and running her fingers through her hair. She had to collect herself before calling Horatio and letting him know what had happened.

-----------------------------------------------------

"That's gonna helpful, Calleigh. Good work," Horatio said into his cell phone. As he listened to Calleigh retell Lindsay Wade's confession, Horatio could hear the emotion in her voice. It wasn't like her to let a case affect her like this.

"Go get that little girl back," Calleigh rasped into the phone.

"We're close, we'll get her," he replied. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but Eric was in the car, and he wasn't sure how far he should push things. "OK … well … Eric and I are on his tail. I'll let you know what happens, alright?"

"Be careful, Horatio."

"Always," he said. "And Calleigh … take care."

Shutting his cell phone, Horatio arched an eyebrow as he concentrated on the road. "Anything, Eric?"

"We're getting close to the spot where Ryan pulled him over," Eric replied.

"_That means we need to be good to go."_

--------------------------------------------------------------------

In the end, the take down had gone much better than Horatio thought it would. Fortunately, Lucas Wade got on the ground. He didn't want to have to shoot him – especially in front of his niece. He'd been doing too much of that lately anyway – killing people. It never sat well with him, and he never wanted it to.

"Hey H, you OK?" Eric asked, walking back from the patrol car that just drove away with Lucas Wade in it.

"Yea," Horatio rasped, hands on hips, looking out at the horizon. "Yea, I'm OK."

Watching Eric holding that little girl – he couldn't help but think of what could've been with Marisol. 'And what still could be with Calleigh,' Horatio thought, trying to snap himself out of his own sadness. In time, he hoped Eric would understand about his relationship with Calleigh, but for now all his good intentions would have to wait.

"OK," Eric said, but he was clearly not convinced. "I'm gonna go back to the lab and process the items we collected from the crime scene, just to sure up this case, OK, H?"

"Sounds like a plan," Horatio replied putting on his sunglasses. "I think I'll make sure our friend Lucas doesn't have another mishap. I'd hate to see him miss his flight back to Boston."

"You gonna see him off?"

"I'll have a front-row seat."

-----------------------------------------------------------

The elevator doors couldn't close fast enough for Calleigh Duquesne, as she tried to avoid Eric Delko's jealous stare. 'What the hell just happened,' she thought, looking straight ahead, avoiding Jake Berkeley's gaze. One second she was warmly talking to Jake, acting as any concerned friend would, when all of a sudden he leaned in and …

"Earth to Calleigh," Jake teased as she looked at him quickly. "Guess I rendered you speechless, huh?" His tone was less arrogant and more unsure, as if he was trying to read her, but couldn't. Calleigh just shook her head and looked down. "What?" he asked. "Was I outta line back there, because you sure didn't react like I was, Cal."

"Jake, it's just … it's complicated, OK. Can we just leave it at that, please?" She looked back up at him, imploring him to back off, but it only drove him to move closer.

"You sure that's what you want?" he asked, his hand touching her face as he leaned in for another kiss. He was more bold behind closed doors, and for a moment Calleigh felt as if she were back 17 years ago. She was remembering the chemistry they had, the effect he had on her, the way she had cared for him …

"Damn it," she rasped, breaking from the kiss and pushing him back. "Wait, just … hang on."

"C'mon, Cal, just because he's your boss, doesn't mean he can tell you what do with your social life," Jake whispered. She looked at him, perplexed, wondering if he'd figured out that she and Horatio were seeing each other – a fact she had forgotten for a split second thanks to Jake's actions. Jake still had a hold on her, and that troubled her to no end.

But those concerns soon took a back seat when Jake gestured toward the now-opened doors. Looking up, Calleigh's heart dropped into her stomach.

"Horatio," she gasped, and he looked back, hands on hips, eyes hidden behind his sunglasses.

"Lieutenant," Jake smirked as they both awkwardly stepped out of the elevator.

"Glad to see your feeling better, Detective Berkeley," Horatio said flatly.

"Alive and well," he responded.

"I can see that," Horatio replied, and Calleigh looked down.

"Now I know Calleigh happens to be your top CSI," Jake started, "but I'd really appreciate it if you could part with her for a week or two."

"Jake what—"Calleigh started, but Jake cut her off.

"I was thinking Antigua," he said, turning to her and smiling mischievously. "Now that I have a new lease on life, maybe I'd like someone to share it with."

"Jake I … Listen, Horatio, it's not what it looks like," she started nervously, turning to Horatio.

Jake turned to her, smiling. "And what does it look like, Cal?" he asked in a teasing voice.

"You know what Jake," she said sharply, turning toward him, "why don't you take a walk, OK?"

"Take a walk?" he half-laughed, stunned by her response. "I thought we were—"

"I don't think that's gonna work out," she said sternly.

"I know you still have feelings for me Calleigh," he insisted. "I don't know what's goin' on, but I'm not givin' up on you."

Calleigh sighed, running her fingers through her hair, and looking back toward Horatio. She stopped her motion abruptly when she noticed he was no longer there.

"Damn it," she hissed, slapping her hand against the closed elevator door.

"Calleigh what's—"

"I have to go," she said quickly, walking away.

"Cal, wait!" Jake called. "C'mon I—" He sighed, exasperated, as she turned the corner and left him there. "What the hell," he whispered, rubbing his chin. "What the hell."

-------------------------------------

"Horatio," Calleigh called, her voice filled with both relief and tension. "I've been looking all over for you."

She came up next to him, and turned toward what he was staring at — the horizon. She knew he always went to the beach to clear his head. It's where they'd first expressed their feelings for each other. She thought she might find him here. But the sound of the waves only accentuated the gravity of the silence that hung over them.

"Are you gonna stay mad at forever?" she asked finally.

"Why would you think I was mad?" he asked, returning her question with a question. He always did that when he didn't want to address the issue.

"Oh, I don't know," she rasped. "Maybe the fact that you left without letting me explain things … or that you didn't answer your cell phone."

"I was just … thinking," he said in a flat tone.

"About?" she asked hesitantly. He shook his head and pursed his lips, sighing as he continued to watch the waves. "Damn it, Horatio, I didn't mean for this – I didn't ask him to … He just kissed me, all right?"

Calleigh turned, her arms flopping to her side in exasperation. She moved closer to him, looking at him, but he was still watching the horizon. She chose to continue anyway.

"He came out of the elevator," she started, "and I was just checking on him, to see how he was doing … and he kissed me."

"So he kissed you more than once?" Horatio said as he turned toward her, arching an eyebrow.

"What, I—"

"You were inside the elevator when I saw you."

"I know, I know," she said quickly. "It's … complicated. I just … I have no idea what happened. He caught me off-guard."

"Twice?" Horatio asked, a hint of jealousy in his tone. "Since when does Calleigh Duquesne get had twice?"

"When the man is an ex-boyfriend who almost got killed today, I guess," she snapped, turning away. "God, Horatio, I don't know what else to tell you, what else to say. You know I'd never lie to you, and I'm not lying now. I didn't want him to kiss me."

"But you didn't mind it either," he replied sadly.

"Of all people, I thought you would understand," she implored, folding her arms across her chest. "Isn't that what it's like with you and Yelina? You don't really want to, but there's a small part of you that does. Isn't that the truth?"

"The truth is," he started, taking off his sunglasses, "it seems we've hit our first bump in the road, as it were."

"I know, I know, it's my fault, I should've never gotten in that elevator with him, it was a mistake and I should've known, I should've—"

"Shh," Horatio whispered, cutting off her ramblings. "It's OK. I do understand."

"Just tell me you believe me," she said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"You've never given me a reason not to," he replied, reaching out to wipe the tear away. She smiled up at him, and drew closer, gently taking his hand in hers.

"So … what now?" she rasped.

"Well … maybe you should take some time to talk to Jake about things."

"You mean tell him about us? Horatio, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Then go with him," Horatio said, pulling her close even though his words seemed to push her away. "Go with him to Antigua."

"Why would I do that?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. He pulled her tighter, embracing her.

"Because," he whispered, "when you love someone, you let them go."

"And if they don't come back, they were never yours to begin with," she finished in a monotone voice, knowing the cliché. "Horatio, I'm not going anywhere. Not without you."

"I think you need to work this out with Jake," he said.

"Before things get out of hand," she added, finishing his thought. "I know, I know … I, I'm sorry. I don't know where all this is coming from. He's just dredging up old memories …"

"I know the feeling," Horatio said, resting his forehead on hers. "Just go. It'll be all right."

"But what if I don't want to?" she rasped, leaning into him.

"Go," he whispered again. Shaking her head, she sighed, looking down.

"Anything for my LT," she smiled, bringing her gaze back up at him. He grinned back, but she could see the sadness in his eyes. "I love you," she said firmly, pulling him down for a kiss. He returned it fiercely, his hand cupping her cheek as he drew her close. When they broke apart, they both had tears in their eyes.

"You deserve a vacation," he said finally, kissing her forehead.

"I wanted it to be with you," she replied, her voice filled with regret.

"If you don't do this now, you'll always be looking back."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience. Do you intend on finishing up some unfinished business yourself while I'm away?"

"The thought's crossed my mind," he said, looking at her, his expression pained. "I think if we don't face our pasts, sweetheart, we're never going to have a future."

They stood there silently for a long while, holding the embrace, watching the sun go down. Calleigh swallowed, fighting back her emotions. She knew Horatio was letting her make a choice she never wanted to make – never thought she would have to make. But he was forcing her to face those demons that crept out in that kiss today. And she would face them. For Horatio, she would face anything.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mixed Feelings" – Part VIII: "Big Girls Don't Cry" 

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during the Season 6 premier, "Dangerous Son." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans. I use some dialogue from the episode, which was written by Marc Dube and Krystal Houghton, but not as much as the last chapter, so I didn't denote it. I'm trying to keep it as "Canon" as possible while still being DuCaine – which, as most of you know, is a big challenge. This chapter was semi-inspired by Fergi's song, "Big Girls Don't Cry" — hence the title. Anyhow, let me know what you think!

Part VIII

"Detective Berkeley," Horatio said in a low voice, picking up his sunglasses. He was on the roof of their latest crime scene – a parole officer had been gunned down — one of their own. Horatio always took those cases to heart. He was also glad to have Calleigh back to work this case, although he hadn't spoken to her since …

"Lieutenant?" Jake asked.

"What have you got," he responded, coming back to the present.

As Jake filled him in, Horatio began pondering the case. At the same time, he tried to push thoughts of Jake and Calleigh on the sunny sands of Antigua out of his mind. He had told Calleigh to go, but he hadn't been able to follow his own advice and settle his own past. Now he had no idea where he stood with Calleigh, and it was beginning to eat at him.

"He had a heavy workload," Jake said of Andrew Bennett, the dead parole officer. "2,000 probies."

"2,000 probies, 2,000 suspects," Horatio remarked as Jake nodded, looking at the street below. They both perked up a bit as they saw Calleigh's car pull up to the scene.

"How was Antigua?" Horatio asked with as little emotion as he could muster.

"It was nice," Jake replied, raising an eyebrow. "Thanks for lettin' Calleigh take the time. Not like she didn't have it coming to her, but thanks all the same."

"She deserved it," Horatio swallowed, hiding his emotions behind his sunglasses.

"Well, uh, let me call Bennett's office, see what they can tell me about these 2,000 suspects, or at least some 'em," Jake said.

"Sounds like a plan, Detective Berkeley."

"OK, right … I'll see ya later."

"Keep me posted."

As Jake walked away, Horatio headed to view the body. After Alexx filled him in, he walked toward the Hummer, ready to head back to the lab, when he saw Calleigh approaching – approaching not him, but Jake, who was on his cell phone. "Officer pretty?" Horatio half-laughed, watching the scene from a safe distance away behind his Hummer. "That's not gonna get you far, pal." Shaking off his jealous, he refocused on the case, chastising himself for getting so distracted at a crime scene.

----------------------------------------- 

"Nice tan," Eric said to Calleigh as she entered the house.

"First vacation in a long time," she replied with a smile, trying to keep things civil. It was bad enough she hadn't spoken to Horatio yet. Now Eric was getting on her case right away.

"I see Jake has the same tan," he said matter-of-factly, extracting a bullet from the wall. She sighed in exasperation. She didn't know if she had the energy to deal with two jealous men.

"What've you got?" she asked, changing the subject, and, thankfully, he complied.

---------------------------------------

Something was definitely wrong, Calleigh thought. Horatio almost always answered the phone when she called. Leaving two messages already on his voice mail, she shut her phone and looked toward his office.

"You sure know how to screw things up, Calleigh," she sighed, moving into the lab. She decided to focus on work, like she always did when she was upset about something. Taking Bennett's palm pilot, she began to sort through the list of convicts.

---------------------------------------

Horatio's mind was reeling. He'd always wanted children – a child – son or daughter, it didn't matter. And now to learn that his own flesh and blood had been walking this for 16 years – 16 years without him ever knowing it — it floored him. The fact that the boy was a suspect in a murder investigation made it that much worse. Horatio wanted to talk to someone – someone he trusted, to confirm his suspicions, and was about to dial Calleigh's number when he stopped himself.

Calleigh had left voice messages on his cell phone, but he hadn't had the guts to listen to them. From the way Eric was muttering to himself, he figured she and Jake had a terrific time in Antigua – maybe too terrific for him to stomach right now. And the kicker was, Horatio asked her to go. He wanted her to be happy. But he didn't take into account the pain that could come along with all this if she chose to stay with Jake.

"Have to let them go to get them back," he whispered, shaking his head. He contacted the only other person he could think of. He'd meant to see her while Calleigh had been away – to do the same kind of soul searching. However, with Calleigh gone, the workload had been more hectic than usual – he'd really taken for granted how much Calleigh did for the team, and wanted to make a point to thank her. But now all bets were off where his affections for Calleigh were concerned.

Swallowing, he hit the 'dial' button. "Horatio?" the woman answered. "What's up?"

"Can you meet me by Biscayne Bay? It's important."

"Of course. You wanna tell me what this is about?"

"I'll let you know when I see you, Yelina."

"Fair enough," she said, used to his vagueness.

He closed his phone and headed toward the rendezvous.

-----------------------------------------------

John Walden. Horatio hadn't heard that name in years, but it confirmed his deepest suspicions – that he was Kyle Harmon's father. His mind raced as he wondered why Julia had given their son up for adoption – had something happened to her? The papers found with Kyle's things were vague and didn't explain how he got into the foster system, and that frustrated Horatio all the more.

Now Kyle was on the run after kidnapping the wife an officer whose hands were filthy. Horatio was chasing Kyle just like he'd chased Ray, Jr. last year, and like he'd chased his little brother Raymond all his life. Trying to pull his family out of trouble, trying to bring some sort of dignity to the Caine name that just kept getting tarnished. Trying to keep the people he loved out of harm's way.

As he drove to the location of Kyle's GPS monitor, he could hear Yelina's words echoing in his head. "Not a lot of love there," she had said. Tossing his sunglasses onto the dashboard, Horatio prayed this whole situation wouldn't end badly, for Kyle's sake.

----------------------------------------------

After interrogating Rick Bates and getting him to confess — with a little surprise help from former CSI Ryan Wolfe — Calleigh was trying to catch up with Horatio. She'd gotten word over the wire that they located Kyle Harmon – and that he was running from the Coast Guard.

"Valera, have you seen Horatio?" Calleigh asked, but Valera was just staring at a piece of paper. "Valera?" she asked again, more urgently.

"Huh?" she responded, somewhat dazed.

"You look like someone just asked you to transfer to trace."

"Here, look at this," Valera said, not cracking a smile, handing her the sheet.

"What is it?" Calleigh asked, taking it from her and examining it.

"It's a DNA test," Valera sighed. "From that suspect – Kyle Harmon."

"Kyle?" Calleigh said, looking up. "I need to find Horatio about him – the kid's decided to take another boating trip – but this time he's trying to out-race the Coast Guard."

"Oh my God," Valera said looking down. "You've gotta tell him – right now."

"I know … where is he?"

"I don't know, but Calleigh … look at the DNA comparison."

"What are you — why was this done?"

"Horatio asked me to – just look at it, closely."

"OK," Calleigh said hesitantly, looking back at the sheet. Her eyes widened as she scanned the page. "Oh my Lord … Does this say what I think it does?"

"Well, if you're thinking that Horatio is Kyle's father, then I'd have to say yes," Valera replied.

"Oh my Lord … I have to find him." Calleigh raced out of the DNA lab before Valera could comment further. 'What mess have you gotten into, Horatio?' she wondered as she made her way through the halls of the crime lab. When she turned the corner toward the windowed hallway, she found who she was looking for – and someone she didn't expect. Horatio was talking to Yelina about Kyle. Neither of them had noticed her, obviously preoccupied with the most recent discovery that Calleigh still held in her hand.

"So you're sure he's your son?" Calleigh heard Yelina ask him. Calleigh moved to the side of the wall, leaning against it and crossing her arms. She didn't like eavesdrop, but she didn't want to interrupt either.

"I'm sure," Horatio replied.

Calleigh felt tears stinging her eyes at the sound of Horatio's voice, realizing that he wasn't confiding in her, but Yelina. She wanted to be there for him on this, to support him, to help him, to love him through this. But she couldn't, not now. As she learned about Julia Eberle and her disappearance, it broke Calleigh's heart all the more.

"You'd make a good father," Yelina told him. The look of pain on Horatio's face was too much for Calleigh to bear and she walked swiftly down the hallway, away from the pair, taking out her cell phone. She dialed Horatio's number and waited.

Hearing the phone ring snapped Horatio from his thoughts. When Yelina had made that last statement to him, he flashed back to a time not that long ago, when he and Calleigh were discussing their future – a future that would include children.

"Yea," he said, quickly answering his phone without looking at who was calling. He was surprised to hear Calleigh's voice on the other end, but the information she conveyed to him made his heart lurch. He quickly got off the phone, and took a moment to process what Calleigh had just told him.

"Did they find Kyle?" Yelina asked.

"Mmhmm," he said.

"Is he hurt?"

"He's running from the Coast Guard," Horatio said, walking away. He had to get to the Coast Guard before they did something drastic – something that would push Horatio over the edge.

------------------------------------------------

After Calleigh made the call, she decided to lay low. Horatio would have to do this on his own – Kyle was his son, and he'd probably have it no other way. She sighed as a tear fell down her cheek as she made her way to the locker room. She'd never meant to hurt Horatio, but there was no way of knowing what would happen between them now – now that he had larger concerns to think about.

"He always wanted children," she whispered to herself, remembering their conversation a couple of weeks ago on the subject. As she packed up her things for the day, she got a call from Eric that Kyle had turned himself in. Sighing in relief, she knew she was going to have to find Horatio and hash things out.

---------------------------------------------

Calleigh found Horatio still sitting on the dock where the Coast Guard had brought Kyle in. He sat alone, watching the sunset.

"Hey," she called softly, sitting down next to him. Horatio turned quickly, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Hey," he replied, swallowing.

"Tough day?" she asked with a half-smile.

"Guess you could say that," he said in a low voice, giving her a half-laugh.

"Yea, well…" Calleigh licked her lips and looked around nervously. "I um … I'm glad Kyle's OK."

"Back in juvenile detention, facing criminal kidnapping charges … I'd say he's far from OK."

"That's true, I'm sorry," she said, looking away, focusing on the horizon. Horatio looked back at her, realizing he'd been harsh.

"Hey," he said softly. "I'm the one who should be sorry."

"For what?" she asked, still not looking at him.

"I didn't mean to avoid you today," he started. "It's just … this whole thing … I wanted to come to you but I wasn't sure, I wasn't sure where we stand, you know?"

"You want me to tell you what happened in Antigua?" Calleigh asked, looking back at him.

"Not if you don't want to."

Calleigh laughed, shaking her head. "Yea, maybe we should just stay like this … it's working out so well," she said sarcastically.

"Calleigh…"

"Listen, Horatio, Jake and I … we went to Antigua and I let the heat and the alcohol get the better of me for a few days."

"And?"

"And I hope you can forgive me for that," she said. "And for what I'm about to tell you."

Horatio braced himself. "I'm listening."

"I think we still need some more time," she said sadly. "The both of us."

"Is this about Kyle?" 

"No I – I know you didn't know about him. I saw you and Yelina talking."

"Calleigh, that wasn't—"

"It's OK," she interjected, waving a hand. "I wasn't there for you, and I wanted to be, but everything is … everything is so messed up, and it's my fault." She started to tear up, and looked away.

"Hey," Horatio said softly, "come here." He opened his arms and she leaned into him. "It's OK, we're gonna get through this, Calleigh."

"I know," she said. "I'm sorry. Antigua wasn't the answer. If anything, it's confused me even more. It's just … it's personal … it' not about you. I've just got to figure things out." She moved back, placing a hand on his face. "I love you … and I don't know what to do about that right now."

In response, he leaned in, kissing her gently. She returned it passionately, but soon stopped herself. "Wait a minute," she said, placing a finger on his lips. "This is not going to get us anywhere."

"I beg to differ," he said, arching an eyebrow, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"Horatio," she said, shaking her head and giving him a small chuckle. "I just … we need more time. You need to sort out this … new development … with Kyle, and I'll be there for you, any time you need to talk or want my help."

"Thank you," he said, looking down shyly.

"Hey," she said softly, rubbing her hand on his back. "You look like you could a hug," she smiled. "C'mon." She reached out to embrace him and he accepted, closing his eyes and letting her cradle him.

"My son, Calleigh … my son …"he rasped, tears stinging his eyes. "I didn't even tell him."

"You'll find a way, Horatio," she whispered into his ear, kissing his temple. "You always do. You're strong, and you'll find a way to get you both through this, alright?" Horatio just sighed, leaning into her more and letting the tears come. "Shhh … it's alright," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "It's all going to be OK."

They stayed that way until the sun was completely down and the only thing left in view was their reflection in the water.


	9. Chapter 9

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part 9: "Actions Speak Louder Than Words"**

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during "Cyberlebrity." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans, since we have no scenes of our favorite duo on-screen  . I'm trying to keep it as "Canon" as possible while still being DuCaine – which, as most of you know, is a big challenge. This next part gets a little "hot", so be forwarned! Feedback is much appreciated – Let me know what you think!

Part 9

Calleigh was making her final tabulations after test-firing the bows from Robert Whitten's high school archery team when she heard a familiar voice from the hall.

"Knock, knock," Horatio said, knocking on the door to the firearms lab, entering slowly.

"Hey," she said cheerfully, turning briefly to give him one of her trademark smiles. "I just sent Nat out to bring a sample to the DNA lab – I think we might have a lead on our suspect."

"Good to hear," he replied.

"Yea, my money's still on the coach. Something was definitely off with him – and all those pictures of Candice in his office? A little creepy if you ask me."

"Can't argue with that," Horatio said, but cautioned, "Let's just see where the evidence leads us on this, though OK?"

"You sound skeptical. What's up? Got a hunch of your own?" she asked lightly. Even though they had stopped seeing each other recently, the banter and rapport that had grown between them was still heavily present.

"Well," he started slowly, "not at present, but it seems Candice has a very large following. Big pool to sort through."

"Well, thankfully, that DNA I found only belongs to one person," she smiled.

"Uh huh," he said, nodding his head. "So … how are things?"

She looked up suddenly, surprised. "They're uh … they're good, thanks," she said quickly, a hint of nervousness in her voice. Tension filled the air. Horatio looked down as Calleigh tapped her pen against the notebook, pressing her lips together like she did when she was nervous. She knew he was wondering if she was ready … ready to go back to him. The truth was, Calleigh wanted nothing more than to tell Horatio she loved him and escape in his embrace – but she still didn't think that would be fair to either of them. She needed more time, and he hoped he could give it to her.

"So, uh, I guess I'll see you later?" Horatio asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh, oh yea," she perked up, smiling again. "Of course."

She watched him walk out of the lab, giving her a quick look back before leaving. "Damn," Calleigh whispered once he was gone. "Good goin', Calleigh." Shaking her head, she went back to her work.

---------------------------------------------------

In the corridor of the crime lab, Horatio was consumed with what new lab tech Sam Barrish had told him when he nearly ran into Calleigh, who was sprinting to DNA with a sample in her hand.

"Oh hey," Calleigh said, moving to the side, just avoiding him.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Horatio said, eyebrows up in surprise. "I just … I was coming from AV."

"Well, I was just headed to DNA – seems Ryan was able to get a piece of the would-be kidnapper."

"How is Mr. Wolfe?" Horatio asked, concerned.

"Oh, he's fine, Horatio," she said with a smile, waving her hand. "No worse for the wear. That was a good thing you did, getting him that bodyguard job. He sure does appreciate it, even if though it got a little physical."

"Hopefully, he'll be back in the lab sooner rather than later," Horatio said.

"Yea," Calleigh sighed. Looking up at Horatio, she noticed for the first time the concerned expression on his face. "Horatio, is everything all right?"

"Yea," he said quickly, and she could tell something was up.

"Horatio," she began, an edge to her voice, "what's going on? Ryan mentioned something about bloggers starting to obsess over you on the Internet, digging into your past. I didn't think it was serious … Is it serious, Horatio?"

He met her gaze, a vulnerable look in his eyes. "It could be," he said carefully.

"Are you in danger?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing I can't handle," he replied with a small smile.

Calleigh furrowed her eyebrows in concern and frustration. She hated it when he acted like this. When he acted untouchable. "Well, if you need anything, you call me, OK?" she said, a slight tremor in her voice.

"I'll be fine, but thank you," he responded, turning to walk away.

"Hey," she said, stopping him and grasping his hand. "Be careful, OK?"

"Always," he said, giving her a smile as he squeezed her hand. Calleigh nodded and let him go, watching him walk away for the second time that day.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Horatio Caine dies today."

Reading the words on the screen, Calleigh bit her lip, swallowing her fear. "When did you see this?" Calleigh asked Sam Barrish. She was a newbie, but seemed to know her way around the AV lab well enough.

"About an hour ago," Sam replied. "Is he always like that?"

"What?" Calleigh asked, shaken from her thoughts. With the help of Nat, she had just cracked the case – getting Miranda Harton to confess to Luke Selyan's murder. She was hoping to catch up with Horatio when Sam had stopped her and dragged her into the AV lab.

"It's Lieutenant Caine," Sam continued, explaining herself. "I mean, he seemed so … confident that nothing would happen to him, but in an odd way. He smiled at me when I showed him that webpage, almost as if he didn't care what happened to him. He was kind of distant, too. Is that how is normally … like, all the time?"

"Cool, calm and collected," Calleigh replied, her concern for Horatio growing at Sam's words. "That's Horatio in a nutshell, Sam. You'll get used to it."

Sam nodded. "You've been here for awhile, right?"

"Going on 12 years," Calleigh said.

"So you've known the lieutenant for a long time."

"I have … is there something else, Sam?"

"I'm sorry, it's just … he seemed so different from what I'd heard a few years ago … when I was in the academy."

"How so?"

"Well," Sam started, "I was told being on his team was like being on family. Almost everyone wanted to be on the day shift for the Miami-Dade crime lab. But now that I'm here, it just feels kind of … weird."

"Sam," Calleigh said, sitting on a stool, "it's a long story, but I think I know what you mean."

"Just tell me, was he always like this?"

"No," Calleigh rasped, "no, not always." She shook her head, forcing herself to get back into work mode. "Listen, I have to get back, Sam, but thanks for you help. And welcome to the day shift."

"Any time, Detective Duquesne," she replied.

"Oh, you can call me Calleigh," she smiled, walking out of the AV lab. That smile quickly turned into a frown of worry as she contemplated the words on the computer screen. 'Horatio Caine dies today.'

"Over my dead body," Calleigh whispered, pulling out her cell phone. "Yea, Frank? Hey, it's Calleigh. Listen, can you just make sure to keep an eye on Horatio until I can get out to the field. I'm worried about him … Yes, I know he's a big boy, Frank and … Tires slashed? When did that — never mind. Listen, just make sure he doesn't go all John Wayne on us, OK? You know how much trouble he gets into with these 'showdowns.' Just humor me, all right? Thanks, Frank, you're terrific."

Closing her cell phone, Calleigh headed toward the elevator.

"Wait! Detective Du — I mean, Calleigh," Sam called, sprinting toward her.

"What's up?" Calleigh asked, concerned.

"It's Lieutenant Caine. He just asked me to do something … odd."

"What? What is it?"

"He told me to post his location on the Internet. Why would he do that?"

Calleigh sighed in defeat. "John Wayne," she whispered.

"What? I don't—"

"I'll explain later – what was the location?"

--------------------------------------------------------

Calleigh arrived at the pier at the same time as two other police cars, one of them carrying Frank Tripp. Jumping out of her Hummer, gun drawn, she met Tripp near the entrance. She turned to ask him what was going on when she heard the shots fired. Bile rose in her throat as she stared at the source of the gunshots in disbelief.

"We have to get in there," she said, running toward the entrance.

"Calleigh," Tripp half-yelled, half-whispered, going after her. "Wait!"

Ignoring Tripp's call, Calleigh pressed on, pushing down the fear and panic that set her heart racing. 'No, he can't be … he's not dead, he's not dead,' she kept repeating to herself. Tears stung her eyes as she gripped her gun tighter. God help the culprit if Horatio was hurt … or worse.

As she turned the corner she saw Horatio – alive and well – arresting a young man. She stopped in her tracks, relief flooding her system, followed by a growing anger. 'He shouldn't have put himself in danger like that,' she thought sternly, suddenly turning and walking away from the scene quickly, before Horatio could see her.

The uniformed officers ran toward the scene, speeding past Calleigh, who holstered her gun and was walking in the opposite direction — headed back to her Hummer. "Calleigh!" Tripp called. "Where are you goin'?"

"Back to the lab," she said flatly, getting into her Hummer.

"What about Horatio?"

"Like you said, Frank, he's a big boy. He can take care of himself." She slammed the car door. Tripp shook his head, heading toward the warehouse.

"Frank?" Horatio said, walking out to the pier just in time to see the Hummer peeling out of the area. "What was that about?"

"That," Frank said, "was a pissed off Calleigh Duquesne."

Horatio's eyebrows went up in surprise. "She was here?"

"Oh yea," Frank said. "None too happy either. What the hell happened in there, Horatio?"

"Damen Argento just made a bad choice," Horatio said, eyes focused on the dust Calleigh's Hummer had left in its wake.

"We heard shots, you all right?"

"I'm fine, Frank," he replied, his eyes narrowing. "Where did Calleigh say she was going?"

"Back to the lab."

"Then that's where I'll be, Frank," Horatio said, putting on his sunglasses and walking toward his own Hummer.

"Hey, Horatio," Tripp called, "if you're thinkin' about confrontin' Calleigh, I think that might be one thing you can't handle!"

Horatio turned back, pursing his lips. "Maybe so, Frank, but I've got to try."

"Good luck, cowboy," Tripp said, thinking to himself, 'What the hell is goin' on between those two.'

---------------------------------------------------

"Ms. Barrish," Horatio said, hands on his hips. On his hunt for Calleigh, he had been to every station but the AV lab. Eric and Natalia hadn't seen Calleigh since they nailed Harton, and Alexx hadn't seen her since the morning. This was his last shot before he took desperate measures – like picking up his cell phone and calling her himself.

"Lieutenant," she said, turning around in surprise. "How can I help you?"

"Well, Ms. Barrish, I was wondering if you'd seen Calleigh Duquesne pass by recently."

"Well, not here," Sam said, "but I did see her in the locker room. She seemed pretty upset actually and—" she stopped, saying the next words more to herself than to her boss. "Oh wait, I shouldn't have said that. Oh man, I'm blowing it, I'm blowing it."

"Ms. Barrish," Horatio said, arching an eyebrow.

Sam was beginning to learn that Horatio could be very intimidating, even if it was coated in gentlemanly charm, and she had no desire to be interrogated by her new boss. "Listen," she sighed, "I just saw her in the locker room, OK? She was upset, and I asked her what was up. I thought maybe something had happened to you, because of the whole blogger thing, but she said you were fine. Then she said something about going to the gun range to blow off steam. Does that help?"

"It does," he said. "Thank you."

"Any time," she sighed, watching him walk out. Then to herself she muttered, "Any time I can rat out a colleague. Jeez, nice goin' '_Ms. Barrish_.'"

----------------------------------------------

Several dozen casings were strewn on the ground as Calleigh fired off round after round from her weapon, hitting her target every time. She was in the zone. The loud noise of gunfire was a safe haven for her – a place where she could drown out the world and be by herself, to contemplate things. With each pull of the trigger, she could feel the emotional pain more sharply, tears stinging her eyes. She thought about the last few months – about her time with Jake, her time with Horatio and all the unfinished business in between. She was unaware of the set of eyes that were watching.

Horatio leaned against a wall nearby, arms folded. He knew she needed this time to herself, but he couldn't help it – he wanted to be near her, to know that she was OK, that they were OK. But the truth was, their relationship was anything but OK. It was falling apart, and he felt like he had no control over that – it scared him to death.

His own eyes grew moist as he watched a tear fall down her face while she continued to fire off the rounds. He reached a hand up to wipe his eye quickly, swallowing the guilt he felt for putting her through all this. She had been concerned about him today, but he had turned away.

Finally, the shooting stopped, and Calleigh slowly took off the earpiece and goggles, laying them on the table in front of her. She put down the gun and pressed both palms on the table, exhaling slowly, trying to pull herself together.

"They were blanks," Horatio said, startling her. She turned toward him, shooting him a look of shock and anger. Horatio tilted his head, giving her a remorseful look in return. "I knew they were blanks," he said, reiterating his point, hoping she could forgive him.

"Horatio what … I don't care," she replied, turning away and picking up the gun, reloading it.

"I don't believe that," Horatio said softly, uncrossing his arms and approaching her.

"Well, you're right," Calleigh rasped, closing her eyes and blinking back tears. She refused to look at him. "Damn you, you're right. I do care. I care more than you'll ever know." She slammed the clip into place, taking the opportunity to look up, giving him an angry stare, which stopped him in his tracks. "You could've been killed today," she said matter-of-factly, finally breaking eye contact and turning her gaze back to the gun.

Horatio swallowed. 'She really is pissed,' he thought to himself, his own words from several years ago echoing in his mind: 'Rule number one: Never mess with Calleigh Duquesne.'

"Umm … I …"

"You what, Horatio?" she snapped back, turning toward him, folding her arms. "You're sorry?"

"I, if you'd just let me—"

"Explain?" Calleigh retorted, stepping uncomfortably close to him, going toe to toe with her LT and former lover. "Sure, go ahead. I'm all ears."

"I … OK, I …" he looked down sheepishly, shaking his head. He could get a hardened criminal to break; he could manage to hit his target in the toughest situations, but when it came to Calleigh Duquesne, all the fight left him. She had him, and he knew it.

"Horatio," she urged, an edge in her voice, becoming more aware of their closeness. She knew she had the upper hand. He looked up, and her instincts took over – shocking both Horatio and herself. She slapped him. Hard.

"Oh my God," Calleigh rasped, bringing a hand to her mouth, staring in disbelief at what she'd just done. Horatio stood there, a hurt and confused look on his face, taken aback by her actions. He turned, about to walk away, when she grabbed his right arm, pulling him back and into her for a kiss. Stunned by the turn of events, Horatio responded, moving closer, the kiss deepening. Just as things were beginning to heat up, Calleigh pulled away. Horatio groaned in frustration. He was a patient man, but this was beginning to wear on him. He had to start being more assertive — before their relationship fell apart completely.

"Calleigh," he said sternly, forcing himself to confront her. "I came here to talk to you. If you want me to go, I'll go, but I won't stand for anymore of this … confusion. It's not getting us anywhere."

"I agree," she said, quickly wiping a tear from her face. "Let's … sit down."

"OK then," he said slowly. "But not here."

"I know …"

---------------------------------------

Although they had good intentions, both of them knew going to Horatio's place wouldn't exactly lend itself to talking. They'd been apart for more than a month, and they were both going crazy. It had started innocently enough, in the Hummer. Horatio explained what had happened, telling her how he set up Damen Argento by placing blanks in his gun. Calleigh listened, telling him how scared she'd been of losing him. As he listened to Calleigh again confess her love for him, Horatio was overcome with emotion, and leaned in, kissing her hard and pinning her against the seat.

They barely made it to his condo, where the action continued. In the end, they both ended up on the couch, letting out the tension that had been growing between them over the past month. After they were spent, they sprawled on the floor, leaning against the couch. As they both struggled to catch their breath, Horatio began to laugh.

"What?" Calleigh asked, still somewhat out of breath.

"I think I'm a bit old to be doing this on the couch, don't you?" he said with a smile.

"Well, that wasn't my idea," she replied with a smirk, playfully hitting his chest. "Besides, I think you did pretty good, considering the circumstances."

"Pretty good?" Horatio asked, shifting to embrace her.

"OK, really good," she smiled, giving him a light kiss.

"Well, you were quite the trooper yourself, _officer pretty_," he teased.

"Officer Pretty?" she repeated, rolling her eyes. "Gosh, don't remind me of that."

"I didn't think you liked that comment," Horatio said, narrowing his eyes.

"Jake's a lot of things, but he's not a smooth talker, that's for sure," she chuckled.

"Yea … Jake …" Horatio sighed, looking down.

"Oh, hey … You know, we really do need to talk, Horatio."

"Then let's," he said, perking up.

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"Horatio, we're sitting naked on your living room floor. I really don't think we're going to get much accomplished this way."

"Oh, I beg to —"

"Differ, yea I know. And I know this has all been really great, and I'm feeling good right now … but we need to really talk. I mean really talk, Horatio. About everything."

"I know," he said in a low voice. "But I've always believed actions speak louder than words."

"You'll get no argument from me on that score," Calleigh replied, grabbing her shirt and slacks. "Now come on, before we both get stuck in this position."

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

"You know, Horatio," she said, smiling, "when I used to think about us … together … I never thought you'd be so … forward about the whole thing."

"You had thoughts, Calleigh?" he asked innocently, a grin forming.

"Oh yea," she said, raising her eyebrows, leaning closer. "And you didn't?"

"Still do," he replied, giving her a mischievous look.

"OK, handsome, let's go," she said, pulling herself up and reaching out her hand.

"Yes ma'am," he said, taking her hand, but instead of rising he pulled her back down on top of him.

"Hey!" she said.

"Woops," he replied playfully, running his fingers through her hair. "I really missed you," he said seriously.

"I know … missed you too, babe," she swallowed, kissing him softly.

"Then why can't we just be like this … be this way?" he asked. Calleigh sighed, rolling off him, looking at the ceiling. "Calleigh … what's going on between us?"

"I'm afraid," she said, tears stinging her eyes. "I'm afraid of making the wrong decision. Like my parents did."

"Hey," he whispered, leaning on his side, facing her. "It's OK."

"No," she rasped. "It's not fair to you. And it's not fair to Jake. Or Eric, for that matter."

"Don't tell me you're shaking up with him, too," Horatio said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Calleigh cracked a small smile, shaking her head, but he could see she was still troubled.

"Did you tell Kyle he's your son?" she asked suddenly, catching him off guard with the change in conversation.

"I … uh … I didn't," Horatio admitted.

"He deserves to know, Horatio."

"I'll take care of it," Horatio said. Calleigh groaned in frustration.

"You know, I hate it when you do that," she said.

"Do what?"

"When you try to do things by yourself – without accepting help from anyone. Like you did today."

"I – it's my responsibility."

"I understand Horatio, believe me. I act the same way with my family – my father. But when I see you doing it, I just … are we a team or aren't we?"

"Of course we are."

"Well then let's act like a team, OK? Sometimes it's like pulling teeth to get you to let me help you. Even before we were together … do you remember the time Stetler tried to nail that police brutality charge on you?"

"Sure."

"And do you remember that conversation we had in the lab?"

"You kept pushing me," Horatio recalled, "pushing me until I couldn't say no."

"That's how I feel all the time with you – like I always have to push you. Well, I'm tired, Horatio, and I don't want to have to push you anymore."

"I'm sorry," he said, ducking his head. "I just … I love that about you. You know I fell in love with you that day."

"I … what?"

"That conversation in the lab. You wouldn't back down. The look in your eyes – I was so proud of you, the way you handled yourself … and the way you cared for me, looked out for me. You knew how to get me to cave in, even back then. When I saw you walk away, it was on the tip of my tongue to tell you I loved you, but I said 'thank you,' instead."

"Dare I ask why you didn't tell me how you felt?"

"I was seeing someone else at the time," Horatio sighed.

"Not Yelina?"

"No. Rebecca Nevins."

"Oh, the prosecutor? My dad says she's a real hard-ass."

"The man's not lying, Calleigh."

"I'm assuming you don't mean that in a good way."

"No," he chuckled. "No, I … she did help me through a rough time, but looking back … I wish I would've come to you first."

"You know, Horatio, that's exactly what I'm saying," she said, resting her head on her hand. "You can come to me no matter what."

"Thank you," he smiled. "So, where does leave us?"

"To be continued?" she said, arching her eyebrow and doing her best impersonation of him that she could muster.

"Hey, that's my line," he chuckled, holding her close.

"I know," she replied, looking down. "I just wish I wasn't so afraid of all this …"

"Of what?"

"Of commitment. Of making a choice."

"I can wait for you, Cal," he said, "but I don't wanna wait alone. I need you."

"And I need you," she rasped, "but you've got to promise me you'll deal with your issues, too, OK?"

"You mean Kyle?"

"I mean Kyle, I mean Yelina, I mean Marisol, I mean Julia Eberle. I mean anything and everything that can get between us. And I'll be here, every step of the way. Just like I've always been."

"Well, that's a tall order," Horatio said. "But with you by my side, I'll take my chances."

"Glad to hear it," she smiled, pulling herself up off the floor and taking him by the hand. "Now c'mon — up. Let's go, lieutenant. I'm starting to get hungry."

"Me too," he grinned, looking at her.

"Horatio," she warned, "don't make me push you."

"I don't think I could handle that right now," he smirked, finally pulling himself up. They both started to collect their clothing, getting dressed.

"So … you and Rebecca Nevins," Calleigh mused, putting on her shirt. "Really?"

"Uh, yea," he said sheepishly, pulling his boxers on. "Why?"

"Oh, nothin' … just didn't think she was your type, that's all."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, it's nothing," Calleigh smirked, pulling on her pants.

"C'mon," he urged, buttoning his shirt.

"Well … she always struck me as kind of … bitchy."

"Umm … no comment," Horatio said carefully.

Calleigh chuckled, moving close to him. "I mean, I know I have my moments," she said, pulling up the zipper of his pants, causing him to groan, "but I'm not that bad, right?"

"Never," he rasped as she buttoned his slacks. He looked down, watching as she finished buckling his belt. "Thank you," he swallowed.

"Anything for my LT," she grinned. "Now c'mon. Let's go out to eat. I'm buyin'."

"Well, I guess that's an offer I can't refuse," he laughed as they both walked out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part 10: "Complications"**

Title: "Mixed Feelings"

Author: ducainefan

Rating: M (to be safe)

Subject: H/C relationship

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during "Inside Out." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans, since we have no scenes of our favorite duo on-screen  . I'm trying to keep it as "Canon" as possible while still being DuCaine – which, as most of you know, is a big challenge. Feedback is much appreciated – Please let me know what you think!

**Part 10**

Horatio glanced at the clock that read 4:13 a.m. Rolling over, he turned toward Calleigh, who was still sleeping contently. Things had been better between them since the "cyberlebrity" case, although Calleigh normally didn't stay over his place anymore – since he suggested she do a little soul searching a couple months. But she stayed tonight, and he was grateful.

He allowed himself a few more seconds to study her beauty, to take in the woman he hoped he could call his own again soon. Sighing he straightened up and got out of bed slowly — not wanting to wake her — and made his way to the bathroom.

Even in her sleep, Calleigh could sense Horatio's absence, rolling over and searching for him. She groaned, waking up to the sound of water running. Her eyes narrowed, gazing clock.

"Horatio?" she said in a sleepy voice. When she got no reply, she lethargically made her way out of bed — dressed in an old t-shirt that came down to about mid-thigh — walking toward the bathroom. Leaning against the doorway and folding her arms, she smiled as she spotted him shaving. He was wearing a towel, and still wet from his shower. "You missed a spot," she said, smirking at him.

"Calleigh?" he said in surprise, thankful that she waited for him to wash off his razor before sneaking up on him like that.

"What're you doing up so early, babe?"

"Couldn't sleep … you know…" His voice trailed off as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. Calleigh gave him a sympathetic look and made her way toward him.

"Here, let me help you with that," she said gently, taking the razor.

"You don't have to—"

"I want to," she insisted. "Besides, there's not much more to go." Calleigh put her hand on Horatio's face and turned his head gently, moving his gaze from the mirror to her face. "Hello handsome," she smiled, kissing him softly. "Now, let's finish up here, shall we?"

"Yes, ma'am," he rasped.

Carefully, Calleigh moved the blade over his left cheek, then over his lip, making sure to get any stray whiskers that might've formed in the last 24 hours. Her left hand was on his other cheek, thoughtlessly caressing it. Horatio's eyes never left her face as she slowly finished.

"There ya go," she said, grabbing a towel and wiping his face gently.

"Thank you," he replied, taking the towel from her. Calleigh grabbed a comb and began running it, along with her fingers, through his wet hair. "Calleigh …" he started, his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

"You look great," she swallowed, putting the comb down.

"Calleigh … I … thank you for being here," he choked out, overcome with emotion. He was feeling very vulnerable right now, and it wasn't because of the lack of sleep.

"You're gonna be fine," she whispered reassuringly, running her hands over his face. "You're gonna be fine, and Kyle's gonna be fine."

"I wish I could believe that," Horatio sighed, turning back to his reflection. Calleigh looked at him through the mirror, pursing her lips, trying to come up with something to say to ease his mind.

"I love you," she said softly, grasping his hand. He squeezed back, looking down. "I don't know what else to say, Horatio. I mean, the court has to take his age into consideration – he's only a boy."

"I'm not so sure that's going to happen," he replied, his voice wavering.

"Well, no matter what, at least he's got you now, right?" Horatio looked up at her, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Horatio, you're going to be a great father," she said in a strong voice, trying to reassure him. "You've just got to find a way to tell him."

"And that's the rub isn't it?" he said, squeezing her hand before letting go and walking back into the bedroom. He sat on the bed and gave a heavy sigh.

"Horatio," Calleigh started, following him and sitting next to him on the bed. "You and I … we've been through a lot together. And I know you – I know you could never give up on Kyle. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Maybe he's more like you than you think."

"And that would be a good thing?" he asked with a sad smile.

"Horatio," she began, but he stopped her.

"I know, I know what you mean. It's just … I just wish I'd known," he sighed, leaning forward and folding his hands.

"I understand," she said softly. "But you can't dwell on that, babe. You've got to focus on what you have right here and now."

"And what do I have?" he asked, gazing into the darkness. "A son who will probably hate me once he finds out that I'm his father, and I can't say that I'd blame him."

"Or," Calleigh said, entwining her hand with his, "a son who is desperate for someone to love him, no matter what happened in the past. That kid is starving for love, Horatio, and I think he's got a good chance at turning his life around with you by his side."

Horatio nodded, letting a tear fall down his cheek. Embarrassed by his emotions, he turned away, but Calleigh gently touched his face, turning him back to her gaze. "Hey, look at me," she whispered softly. "When I first came to the crime lab, I remember a lot of people second-guessing me, or teasing me about my expertise. But there was my LT, confident in me, encouraging me to do my best, to do better than my best."

Swallowing, Horatio gave her small smile, and she returned it brightly. "You know, Horatio, I never really had any strong male figures in my life growing up … my dad having his issues and all … But when I met you, for the first time I thought to myself, 'Now here's a man I can look up to, learn from, imitate.' You weren't just my LT – you became family to me, almost like a father-figure, odd as that sounds now." They both chuckled at that, and she continued, "Point is, you basically brought me up through the ranks, like a good father would, and I didn't turn out half bad, did I?"

"Second to none, sweetheart," he said fondly, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. "Thank you. For everything."

"Any time," she replied. "Do you want me to come with you to the courthouse?"

"While I would appreciate that, I'd actually like you to hold down the fort for me, if you wouldn't mind."

"I think I can handle that," she smiled.

"Hopefully it will be a quiet morning," Horatio said, getting up and picking out his suit. He knew it was going to be a long day.

--------------------------------------

Horatio walked away from Rebecca Nevins, giving her a quick "Good to see you" as he made his way back to the Hummer. He almost laughed at the irony — almost. Taking out his cell phone he dialed Calleigh's number and waited.

"Horatio?" Calleigh said, a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Hey," Horatio replied. "Just wanted to see how things were going."

"All's quiet on the western front – what about Kyle?"

"Well," Horatio started slowly, "the prosecution is moving to try him as an adult, and the judge seems to agree."

"What?" Calleigh said in shock. "He's a minor! They're going to lock up a 16-year-old boy with hardened criminals? That makes no sense."

"I know," Horatio said, a tremor in his voice, "but it seems that isn't a big concern to the court."

"You know, my dad has ties out there, maybe he can talk to the prosecutor. Who is it?"

"Well … it's uh…"

"Horatio?"

"It's Rebecca Nevins, actually," he swallowed.

"Oh God," she said, putting a hand to her forehead. "Does she know Kyle's your son?"

"No, not yet."

"Good. This whole thing could turn ugly real fast."

"You're telling me," he said. "Our conversation was tense at best."

"OK, OK," Calleigh said, trying to calm both Horatio and herself down. "How did Kyle do?"

"He pleaded not guilty and got on a bus with Julio Rentoria and his posse."

"I saw that on the news. Looked like a mob scene out there."

"It wasn't pretty," Horatio replied. "I sent Frank along for the ride, just to make sure things don't get out of hand."

"Good," Calleigh sighed. "Did you tell Kyle?"

"Not yet."

"Maybe … maybe that's best for now," Calleigh said carefully. "I mean, if this gets out, and he's in jail with the guys we're nailing and taking off the streets, he could be in for some rough times."

"I know," he swallowed. "I've thought about that. It's why I've been holding off, especially now." Horatio was sitting in his Hummer, ready to make his way back to the crime lab. "Listen, I'm on my way back and —" He stopped mid-sentence as he heard a familiar voice over the radio. It was Tripp.

"Horatio? Are you there?"

"Just hand a second, something's coming over the radio." He put the phone down and turned up the volume. His heart jumped into his throat when he heard the report. He tossed his sunglasses onto the dashboard and started up his Hummer.

"Horatio?" Calleigh said, more urgently. He had almost forgotten she was on the line.

"Calleigh, listen, I have to go, something happened to that bus."

"What? Horatio, what's going on?"

"I don't know yet," he replied, his voice cracking. "But I will." He hung up quickly, focusing his attention on the road, making his way to the crash. If anything happened to Kyle, he knew he'd never forgive himself.

Meanwhile, Calleigh stared at her phone, running a hand through her hair. She knew it had to be bad news, the way Horatio ended the conversation. She was headed to the front desk to see what was going on when she caught a glimpse of one of the lab's TVs.

"Moments ago, shots were fired after an apparent break-out attempt involving Julio Renteria," stated a young news reporter on the scene. Behind him was the Miami-Dade jail bus, which had apparently suffered a head-on collision with a small pick-up. Calleigh's jaw dropped. "One person is dead, and the four prisoners are still at large, including Renteria and his alleged associates Oscar Monahan and Trevor Hayes, along with 16-year-old Kyle Harmon, who is charged, in a separate incident, with kidnapping."

"Oh my God," Calleigh gasped, turning and quickly heading out of the lab and to her Hummer. She had a bad feeling about this.

---------------------------------

Driving to what was now a crime scene, Calleigh nervously tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. She'd left two messages with Horatio, but hadn't heard back from him yet. Pulling up to the scene, Calleigh got out of her Hummer, kit in hand, surveying the site. She suddenly spotted Horatio, who was quickly walking to his Hummer, parked a few feet away.

"Horatio!" she called, running toward him. He turned, the panic on his face apparent. "Horatio," she said again as she caught up with him, "any word on Kyle yet?"

"Nothing," he growled in exasperation. It was a tone she rarely heard – he was on edge, and she knew it.

"Well, they can't have gotten far," Calleigh said. "We'll figure this out."

"We have to," Horatio rasped, giving her a sad look.

"I know, I know," she whispered, stealing back tears. "Listen, I heard Frank is in a bit of trouble himself, is that true?"

"Could be," Horatio said, shaking his head. "He believes he may have shot an innocent woman in the commotion."

"Oh Lord," Calleigh sighed, looking to the crime scene, where Tripp was sitting on the hood of one of the police vehicles. "What do you want me to do?" she asked looking back at Horatio.

"Let's process this scene as quickly as we can, and if you find anything – I mean anything – let me know."

"You got it," she said. "What are you gonna to do?"

"Find my son, Calleigh," he rasped, putting on his sunglasses and getting into the Hummer.

"Horatio," she said, putting a hand on his arm, "be careful, OK?" He simply nodded in return, holding back tears of his own. "Horatio," she continued, "where are you gonna go?"

"I … I guess I'm just gonna drive around and look for him for awhile."

"He can't have gotten far," Calleigh replied, trying to reassure him. "But you know what, Horatio? You may want to check back at the lab first. He's a smart kid, and you've gained his trust. Maybe he'll turn himself in."

"OK, you know that sounds like a plan, Calleigh, thank you," he said. "I'll check around, and if I don't find him, I'll be at the lab, OK?"

Calleigh nodded, pursing her lips. "If you need anything, call me, babe, all right?"

"Thank you," he rasped, looking down.

"We'll find him," she said in a strong voice, squeezing his arm. He gave her a small smile, thankful for her support. "I'll talk to Frank, see what's going on," she said, patting his arm before letting go.

"I'd appreciate that," he replied. "We'll be in touch." Shutting the door, Horatio pulled away, and Calleigh made a bee-line for Tripp. 'So much for a quiet morning,' she thought sadly.

-----------------------------------------

Sitting in his Hummer at the crime lab, Horatio was just about to get out of his vehicle when his cell phone rang. He recognized the number immediately.

"Calleigh? You got something?"

"I might," she said. "We found some red paint on the bus. Witnesses said they saw a red SUV pull away with Rentoria and Hayes."

"Nice work," he said, but she could tell he was still frustrated.

"Still no sign Kyle?" she asked hesitantly.

"Nope," he said sadly. A silence fell over them, as they both searched for something to say.

"How you holding up?" Calleigh asked gently, breaking the silence.

"I'm OK," Horatio replied, swallowing. "How's Frank?"

"IAB's circling," Calleigh said bitterly. "I just – I don't know. He said it was the fog of war …"

"The fog of war," Horatio repeated with a sigh.

"Yea, well Alexx is about to do the autopsy, so we'll know more once she's done. I really want to get that bullet before IAB closes in on him."

"Yea," Horatio said, his voice distant. She knew his mind was still on Kyle.

"Listen, Horatio, we'll find Kyle. He's probably on his way back to turn himself in right now."

"He's in the wind Calleigh," he said, frustrated. "It's not looking good for him."

"Well let's just try and stay positive until we know one way or the other, OK? Can you do that for me?"

"I'll try," Horatio said, his voice cracking. "It's just—" He stopped mid-sentence, catching a glimpse of blond hair from the corner of his, followed by a glint of light. "Calleigh, I think you may be right after all," he said.

"You found Kyle?"

"It's seems he's found me, actually," he replied.

"Thank God," she sighed.

"I'll call you later."

"I'll be at the lab in a few. Good luck."

"Thanks, I think I'm gonna need it," he said, ending the conversation as he watched Kyle come up to his Hummer.

"Lieutenant Caine!" Kyle called, and Horatio felt a rush of relief at the sound of his voice.

------------------------------

The case was moving at a rapid pace. Calleigh had already cleared Tripp — with the help of the bullet from the deaf woman's skull — and arrested the man with the getaway vehicle. There'd been a glitch while apprehending Oscar Monahan, thanks to the defense's "expert witness" — Ryan Wolfe — but he was still going back to jail for a long time. Meanwhile Horatio was headed to the potential hideout of Julio and his pal Trevor.

Calleigh sat on the couch of the break room, eyes closed, trying to catch a five-minute respite. It'd been an exhausting and draining day, and it wasn't even 2 p.m. yet. But she could never completely give in to exhaustion – the cases never left her mind.

"Hey Calleigh!" Delko called, his tone urgent.

"Eric?" she said in surprise, quickly getting up off the couch.

"H just called — that guy Trevor, he just said Kyle's marked."

"Marked? What are you talking about?"

"The inmates know he's H's son. Trevor said they're gonna kill him."

"Oh my God," Calleigh said, exhaling an unsteady breath. "Where's Horatio now?"

"He's at the jail, but Kyle's missing. I'm headed up there now to check out the surveillance tapes."

"I'm coming with you," Calleigh said, the concern on her face obvious.

"OK, then, let's roll."

------------------------------------------------

Eric and Calleigh met Horatio just outside the jail facility, by barbed-wired fence. The place was in lock-down, but a number of inmates were being questioned outside. The three CSIs glanced at the scene while trying to regroup.

"With all this high-tech security," Calleigh said, pointing to the surveillance cameras, "how does a 16-year-old boy slip through the cracks?"

"That is what we're gonna find out," Horatio said. "Eric please find the sergeant so we can get that surveillance tape on screen, OK?"

"You got it H, I'll be back," Delko said, half-jogging to the main gate. The prisoners continued to file by the barbed wire, officers checking their ID bracelets and patting them down.

"I'm … I'm so sorry Horatio," Calleigh started, looking around the facility. He simply nodded, taking off his sunglasses. "We're going to find him," she continued in a strong voice.

"I hope so," Horatio rasped. "I'm more concerned about how we're gonna find him."

"Horatio," she whispered, grasping his hand and leaning in close. "Listen to me, babe. This prison is only so big. Kyle can't have gotten far."

"I just don't know what I'm gonna do if … if something's happened, Calleigh…"

"Shhh," she said softly, touching his cheek. "Don't think like that, OK?"

"I'm trying …"

"I'm right here," she said, squeezing his hand. He nodded silently, swallowing the pain. "I'm here," she repeated, and he looked up at her, tears in his eyes. Overcome with emotion, and forgetting where he was, Horatio leaned in, giving her a quick kiss. Stunned, Calleigh arched an eyebrow.

"And what was that for?" she asked, giving him a small smile.

"For being you, sweetheart" he replied, touching her cheek and moving in to kiss her again.

"Woohooo!" one of the inmates yelled from the barbed wire. The catcalls caused Horatio and Calleigh to part and create distance between them immediately.

"That's probably the most action these guys have seen in some time," Calleigh half-laughed, looking embarrassed.

"I don't doubt it," Horatio sighed, upset with himself for putting her in this situation. "I'm sorry, I don't know—"

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she said, stopping him. "Now why don't you let me do some digging here. I'll start talking to the prison guards, see if they saw anything."

"OK, that sounds like a plan," Horatio said, nodding.

"Hey, H!" Delko called, laptop in hand.

"Looks like that's my cue," Calleigh said. "Call me if you get a lead."

"Will do," Horatio replied, watching her walk to the prison guard and begin asking questions. "What've we got Eric?"

"The surveillance video you wanted — got the phone logs here."

"OK, let's have a look, shall we?"

--------------------------------------------------------

Meeting Delko just outside the prison, Calleigh braced herself — she hoped he had good news.

"So did LeBrock give?" she asked.

"Did he ever," Eric replied. "You should've seen H in there … I haven't seen him like that since …"

"Since Rio?" Calleigh said, finishing his thought.

"Yea," Eric rasped. "He told the guy that if the scratch marks were from his son, LeBrock was gonna be leavin' that room in a bag … I think he meant it, Calleigh."

"I know he did," Calleigh said. "Did they find Kyle yet?"

"That's what I was comin' out to tell you. H found him in a tunnel by one of the cell blocks."

"Is he all right?" she asked urgently.

"A little beaten up and dehydrated, but pretty good considering," Eric said.

"Thank God," she sighed. "Is Horatio with him now."

"Yea, I think he's explaining things to him. You know."

"Suppose he has to now," Calleigh said. "I just hope there's a way to keep this from happening again. I mean, now everyone knows – and Horatio a lot of enemies in here, Eric."

"Yea, I know, we thought of that," Eric said. "But I think H has a good plan."

"What's that?"

"He's gonna kick back Oscar Monahan's third strike."

"In exchange for protection?" Calleigh asked. "Do you think he's gonna be able to protect Kyle by himself."

"He's got some cred in here, Cal. He is on his third strike. I think he'll be able to do it."

"I hope so, for Horatio's sake."

"Yea," Eric said. "I'm headed back to the lab, you comin'?"

"Nah, I think I'll stick around here, wait for Horatio…"

"Could be awhile," Eric commented.

"I know … it's fine. I have some unfinished business with the sergeant, anyway. Might as well take his statement."

"Suit yourself. I'll see you later."

"See ya, Eric," she called, then walked toward the prison.

------------------------------

Horatio sat in an interrogation room inside the jail, his son still staring at him in disbelief. This was going to be harder than Horatio thought.

"So what? So I'm just supposed to believe you?" Kyle said, eyes brimming with tears. He was upset, understandably so, but his anger was only now beginning to surface. Horatio wanted to curb that anger before it got to the point where Kyle would stop listening to him all together.

"I understand that this is difficult," Horatio started carefully. "Believe me, if I'd known … I would never let anything happen to you, Kyle."

"All that time, I thought you cared, but you were just doing it because you felt bad? Because of some mistake you made?"

"No, no, son, I—"

"Just stop, OK? I don't wanna talk about it anymore, all right?"

"Kyle I think we should—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," Kyle shouted standing up. This got the attention of the guard, as well as Calleigh, who was standing close by.

"Take it easy," Horatio said, gesturing for him to sit down.

"I'm done with this, OK? I don't need you."

Calleigh walked over to the interrogation room, leaning against the door, which was propped open. Watching Kyle, she couldn't help but notice the striking resemblance, especially the eyes. Turning toward Horatio, she saw something she rarely witnessed — a defeated look on his face. While she was hesitant to intrude, she could see the conversation was going nowhere fast. Shaking her head, an idea came to her, and she walked back to the sergeant.

"Has anyone processed Kyle or his things?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he was kidnapped, and just to nail this case down I think we should check him out, don't you?"

"I'll agree to that, Detective Duquesne," he said nodding his head. "Kind of ironic — kid's in here for kidnapping someone and he ends up on the other end of his crime. Looks like the lieutenant's got a real winner there, huh?" Calleigh gave him a sharp look that made him take a step back. "Hey, I didn't mean it like that."

"You might wanna watch your tone around Lieutenant Caine, Sergeant Wybolt," she warned

"Point taken," he replied.

Calleigh turned her gaze back to the interrogation room, where she could see Horatio was upset. Standing up, he turned, glancing back at his son, but Kyle refused to look at him. Bowing his head, Horatio headed out of the room, looking up in time to see Calleigh, kit in hand, walking in.

"Calleigh what—"

"I'm processing the evidence," she said quickly, hoping he would let her do this.

"Calleigh, I don't think—"

"Just let me do this for you," she insisted.

"Do what, Calleigh?" he asked sadly.

"You know what I'm talking about, Horatio. Let me talk to him."

"He won't listen."

"Maybe not to you, but why don't you let me give it try?"

"Calleigh, you don't have to—"

"I want to," she said.

"As much as I'd appreciate that, I don't think—"

"What if other inmates were involved, Horatio? Shouldn't we check him out, take a look at the evidence just to be sure?"

"OK," Horatio conceded. "OK, take a look." She smiled, heading toward the doorway, but he stopped her, adding, "Calleigh, take a look, but tread lightly, OK?"

"You got it," she said, then turned to enter the room. Horatio stood just outside the glass, watching the scene unfold.

"Who are you?" Kyle asked bitterly, obviously still upset from the conversation with Horatio.

"I'm Detective Calleigh Duquesne," she said, smiling brightly. "I'm with the crime lab."

"I already told the cops everything. I've said everything I'm gonna say.." 

"Oh, I'm not here to interrogate you, Kyle," Calleigh smiled, placing the kit on the table. "I'm just here to collect evidence."

"Evidence?" he asked, raising his eyebrow. Calleigh paused, recognizing that look – the same one Horatio would give her when he was skeptical.

"Well," she started, grabbing a Q-tip from her kit, "evidence is a funny thing. Sometimes it can be where we least expect it. You said you were blindfolded before you were taken into the tunnel?"

"Yea, a guy grabbed me, put me there and left me tied up."

"But he took off the blindfold?"

"Yea, said he wanted me to see his face, know who was gonna … you know…"

"OK," Calleigh said, "Well I just wanna be sure no one else was involved in all this, OK?"

"Yea," Kyle said, his gaze looking distant, as if he were remembering something. "You know I … I heard two voices while I was struggling – after I was blindfolded."

"Really?" Calleigh said. "Heard you put up quite a fight."

"Not good enough," he sighed.

"I wouldn't say that," Calleigh replied, gently taking his hand in hers.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for the bad guys," she smiled, running the Q-tip over his bloodied knuckles. Watching from the outside, Horatio gave a small smile, remembering when Calleigh had done the same for him. He could tell that Calleigh also was flashing back to that holding cell two years ago.

"I get it. You're lookin' for DNA," Kyle said, looking up at her.

"That's right," she said with a smile. "So…" she started slowly as the continued swabbing his hand, "how you doin'?."

"What? Why do you care? And please, don't tell me it's your job, OK?"

"I won't," she said simply, giving him another smile as she began to swab his other hand. "But I asked you first, remember?"

Kyle cracked small smile and looked down, shaking his head. "OK … you really want to know how I'm doin'? Well, I'm stuck in jail with a bunch of goons, even the little things I had were taken from me, and now I find out that my … father … has been takin' in the Miami sun while I was bein' shipped from foster home to foster home. So yea, I think I've hit bottom."

"Well then, things can only go up from here, right?" Calleigh replied brightly, looking at him briefly before refocusing on his hand.

"You're way too cheerful, you know that?" Kyle said with a half-laugh, shaking his head.

"I've been told that before," she said, smiling at the memory of Tim Speedle's same remark all those years ago. From behind the glass, Horatio gave a small smile, watching Calleigh work her charm. "You know, Kyle," Calleigh continued, "I know what it feels like to be abandoned."

"So, your parents left you on the doorstep of some foster home, too?"

"No," she said simply. "I lived in the same house with my parents. I ate with them, we went on trips together. No, from the outside, it seemed like my parents were present in my life. But on the inside – on the inside, Kyle — it was just as if I had no parents at all."

"I don't follow," he said, looking confused.

"Both my parents had … addiction issues, Kyle. And when someone's an addict, everything else kind of falls away. The person stops caring about most everything – including the people they love the most."

"So … so you had it rough. What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you or something?"

"No," she said empathetically, looking up at him. "What I'm trying to say is, even with all that, I still was able to care about parents – and I still do. That's because I made a choice – I knew I could either be bitter and miserable about the whole thing, or I could just pick myself up and hope that by living my life as clean and honestly as possible, that I could change the lives of those around me – including my family."

"But why not just forget about them? I mean, if they were so bad."

"Because they're family, Kyle," she said. "And while sometimes it's hard to have family, sometimes it's even harder not to."

Horatio swallowed at her words, words that he had spoken to her six years ago as she struggled to help her father out of his addiction. She had never opened to him like this, so he could appreciate how hard this was for her – telling Kyle these things.

"Yea," Kyle rasped, "well, I don't have any family."

"That's not true, either," Calleigh said, placing the Q-tip in its evidence box. "You have Lieutenant Caine."

"But he—"

"He didn't know Kyle," she said softly.

"Why should I believe him?"

"Because," she said, folding her hands and leaning forward, tears in her eyes, "he's an honest man."

"How would you know?"

"I've worked with him for 12 years," she replied, her voice raspy. "I've seen him put his life on the line for complete strangers, and I've seen him pay dearly for it."

"But all that time —"

"All I'm saying is I know your father, and I know that if he had any idea you were out there, he would've taken care of you."

"But why didn't he find my mother, if he cared about her so much? Why didn't he—" Kyle's voice cracked as he choked out a sob. He was beginning to cry, and it took everything Horatio had to stay put outside the room.

"I don't have all the answers, Kyle, I wish I did," Calleigh rasped. "All I can tell you is that I've stood by Horatio Caine's side for 12 years. Everything I know, everything I am as a criminalist, I owe to him."

"But I—" Kyle couldn't finish his sentence, bringing his hand to his face and wiping angrily at the tears that continued to fall.

"You remember what I said about family, OK Kyle?" Calleigh said, getting up. She walked over to where he was sitting. Placing a hand on his back and crouched down, leaning close. "You remember, because you're pretty much the only family Horatio Caine has left on this earth."

"What?" he asked through his tears.

"He's lost his wife, his brother, his parents," Calleigh said sadly, tears forming in her own eyes. "He's lost a lot since I've known him, and I really don't know if he could stand to lose you, Kyle. I'm worried about what that might do to him, because he loves his family that much, OK?"

Horatio's eyes welled up as he heard Calleigh speaking. He shifted uncomfortably at the truth of her words.

"You're bein' straight with me?" Kyle swallowed.

"I promise," she rasped, rubbing his back gently. "So you'll give him a shot?"

"Things can only get better, right?" he said, giving a small smile through his tears.

"Good man," she said, smiling back. "That's the spirit." Calleigh got up from her crouch and tossled his hair before moving back to her kit. "Now I am gonna get this to DNA and see what we can find."

"W-what's gonna happen to me?"

"Nothing's gonna happen to you, Kyle. We won't let it, OK?" Kyle gave her another skeptical look, mixed with concern. "It's not gonna be easy, but you'll be fine Kyle, especially with Horatio Caine in your corner."

Calleigh closed up her kit and was about to walk out. "Hey, Detective Duquesne?" Kyle called, and she stopped, turning around.

"Yea, Kyle?"

"Do you think … do you think Lieutenant Caine is still out there?" he asked.

"Well I'll tell you what — I'll look for him, and when I see him, I'll send him in here, OK?" she said, smiling.

"Thanks," he replied, looking down at his hands.

'He's so much like his father,' Calleigh thought before turning to walk out the door. She saw Horatio leaning against the wall.

"I assume you heard all that," she said tentatively.

"I did," he replied, his voice cracking just a bit.

"Listen, Horatio, I hope I didn't overstep—"

"Never," he rasped, stepping close to her. "You were great, as always."

"Well, he wants to see you," she said, smiling up at him.

"I know, I'm on my way. I just wanted to thank you first."

"I meant every word, Horatio. You know that." Horatio nodded, looking through the glass at Kyle. "Good luck in there," she added, taking his hand in hers and squeezing it gently.

"I'll need it," he sighed, squeezing back.

"You'll be fine," Calleigh said reassuringly. "I'll see you back at the lab."

"OK," he said, watching as she walked away. Looking back toward Kyle he took a deep breath and re-entered the interrogation room.

--------------------------------------------

Almost ready to call it a day Horatio was doing something he normally never did — sitting in his office. Apparently LeBrock had an accomplice — Aaron Schecter, the lawyer Horatio had put away four years ago for shooting his own client — Ricky Murdoch — in an effort to cover up the murders Ricky committed at a local bar. Horatio would deal with him tomorrow.

There were just too many enemies behind those bars, maybe too many for Oscar Monahan to defend against, Horatio thought. But he had to believe that, between Oscar and the guards, his son was going to be OK until he could get him out of there.

Horatio was still trying to process everything that had happened when he heard a knock on his door. He looked up, arching his eyebrow.

"Hello, Rick," Horatio said tersely. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, Horatio, I actually wanted to talk to you about something." He shut the door, but continued to stand, hands in his pockets.

"This another IAB stunt, Rick?"

"Actually, it concerns one of your CSIs – Calleigh Duquesne." Horatio shifted, but he continued to give Stetler a cold stare.

"What about her?" Horatio asked.

"Well, it seems there were some … reports from the prison this afternoon that you and Ms. Duquesne were, how can I say it? Sharing an intimate moment."

"What are you getting at Rick," Horatio said carefully.

"So you don't deny that you and Ms. Duquesne have a personal relationship?"

"_Detective_ Duquesne and I are partners in this lab. We work closely together."

"How close are we talkin' about, Horatio?"

"Be careful, Rick," Horatio warned, standing up.

"I need an answer."

"You know what, Rick? What I'd like to know is who exactly is making these claims."

"I have my sources," he said with a sneer.

"Yes, and we all know how credible those are, don't we?"

"What if I said it was your sister-in-law?"

Horatio swallowed, slightly stunned, wondering if Stetler was playing him.

"I'd say," Horatio began, "that you need to get your facts straight."

"I'm just trying to give you a chance," Stetler warned. "This could look really bad for _Detective_ Duquesne …"

"If I find out that you've so much as breathed near Calleigh, looking for dirt on this lab will be the least of your worries."

"More threats, Horatio? Well let me tell you something else I've heard through the grape vine." Horatio arched an eyebrow, staring him down. "Apparently," Stetler continued, "some of the inmates found out about this … _alleged_ … relationship. I have to say, these guys are none too fond of you – and they've got people on the outside, Horatio."

"Are you telling me that Calleigh's marked? Is that what you're telling me?" Horatio's tone was intense, anger bubbling to the surface.

"Well, if you two are nothing more than colleagues in this office, there should be nothing to worry about," Stetler said smugly. "I mean, who believes the rumors, right?"

"Rick," Horatio said through gritted teeth, leaning over his desk, "if anything happens to Calleigh, I'm holding you personally responsible."

"Hey," Stetler replied, holding his hands up. "You're the one who told me, 'Rule #1: Never Mess With Calleigh Duquesne,' right? Well, if she's as formidable as you say she is, she should be fine."

"I swear, Rick, don't push me—"

"How long have you been sleeping with her Horatio?" he said with a sneer.

"Do not," Horatio said, struggling to keep his anger in check, "Do not test me, Rick."

"Well, I'm just the messenger, Horatio," he replied. "Besides, I've heard she's shacking up with Jake Berkeley – did you know about that?" Horatio clenched his jaw, trying to stay in control. "Well … maybe you do know about that," Stetler said thoughtfully. "At any rate, Horatio, I'm not playing around. My suggestion – if you are sleeping with her, break it off now, before she ends up like Marisol."

Closing his eyes, Horatio took a deep breath, then opened them again. He slowly walked around his desk, pulling down the blinds quickly. Locking eyes with Stetler, Horatio moved swiftly toward him, grabbing him by the shirt collar and pushing him up against the door.

"If you ever … and I mean ever … come here with this again, I will make you wish you were never born, Rick."

"You need help," Stetler said nervously, trying to break free, but Horatio held him pinned to the door.

"If anything happens to Calleigh, you're the one who's gonna need help. Got it?"

"Yea, yea I get it Horatio," he said quickly. Horatio pushed Stetler against the door as he let go of his shirt, moving back and placing his hands on his hips. "You're crazy, Horatio," Stetler gasped, running a hand through his hair. "You belong on the rubber gun squad."

"So let me get this straight, Rick. You come in here threatening one of my CSIs and I'm just supposed to roll over and play dead?"

"Like I said, I'm just the messenger," Rick said, still somewhat nervous. "Her life is in danger, Horatio, and not by me. I'm not lying about that."

"And what about Yelina?" Horatio asked tersely.

"You know I can't reveal my sources."

"You're trying my patience, Rick."

"This goes beyond IAB," Stetle retorted. "If I wanted to nail you for banging Calleigh, I could've done it months ago."

"Then why come in here with guns blazing?"

"Because maybe another CSI's death wouldn't look that great in my jacket either, Horatio," Stetler groaned.

"If you're lying to me…" Horatio started.

"Horatio, I swear—"

"I've heard enough," Horatio said, cutting him off. "Now you listen to me. You are going to help me fix this, got it?"

"Fix what?"

"Right now, let me worry about that OK? We'll be in touch."

"But I —"

"Since you're so concerned about Detective Duquesne's safety, I think you'll hear me out on this."

"You have a plan, Horatio?"

"I'll let you know," he said, opening the door. "To be continued, Rick."

Stetler gave Horatio an odd look before walking out. Closing the door, Horatio took out his cell phone, pressing speed dial.

"Horatio, what's up?" Calleigh asked, answering the phone.

"Nothing, I … I just wanted to make sure everything was OK," he sighed, his voice going up an octave, like it always did when he was nervous.

"Horatio, what's wrong?"

"I, I'm not sure," he said carefully. "I just had a visit from our favorite IAB officer, and he informed me that you may be in danger."

"In danger? Horatio, I don't—"

"Let's not talk about this over the phone, OK? Where are you?"

"Just outside the lab, in the parking lot."

"Stay there, Calleigh, and don't move, OK? I'll be right there."

-----------------------------------------

"Horatio," Calleigh called, standing next to her car. Horatio half-jogged over, relieved. "Horatio, what's this about?"

"I'm not sure," he said, looking at her car.

"What? What is it?"

"I'm just checking something," he said, moving toward the driver's-side door. His heart jumped at the site of the wires hanging from below the dashboard. He'd seen this in his time on the bomb squad. Most drivers never noticed anything below the steering wheel, and once the key was turned, the driver would never know what hit them.

"Horatio what are you looking —"Calleigh stopped mid-sentence, eyeing the wires. "Is that what I think it is?" Horatio clenched his jaw, swallowing.

"If I made that call to you a few minutes later, we might not be having this conversation right now," he said in a low voice.

"Oh my God," Calleigh rasped. "But who would —"

"We have to call in the bomb squad and get this disconnected."

"Is it set to a timer?"

"I don't think so," Horatio said. "I think it's designed to blow when the driver puts the key in the ignition. I've seen these before…"

"But that still doesn't explain why. I mean, why my car?"

"I guess Rick wasn't bluffing after all," Horatio said, looking around and surveying the area.

"What does Stetler have to do with all this?"

"Let's ask him, OK?"

-----------------------------------

Horatio had called in a favor to a friend over at the bomb squad – he wanted to keep this as quiet as possible. To cover for what they were really doing, they made it look as though Calleigh's car was having mechanical problems.

Sitting in a booth at Café San Marco, Calleigh and Horatio leaned into Rick Stetler.

"OK, Stetler, give – who the hell is this source of yours," Calleigh said, her eyes burning into his.

"It was one of the guys at the prison," Stetler admitted. "A sergeant, actually – named Wybolt. He'd heard a couple of the prisoners talking."

"I can't believe this," Calleigh said running her fingers through her hair.

"So you two really are —"

"Here's what's gonna happen, Rick," Horatio said, cutting him off. "You're gonna drop this right now and pretend this conversation never happened."

"You can't be serious."

"You have nothing, and I don't intend to give you anything," Horatio said evenly.

"So why am I here?"

"Because you are going to help us catch the bad guys," Horatio said in a mock-cheerful tone. "Or did you forget what being a real cop entails, Rick?"

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Stetler said sarcastically.

"OK, let me lay this out for you. First, you're gonna go back to that sergeant and find out who those prisoners were. Second, you're gonna get me that bomb as quietly as possible so I can figure out the signature — and you can take the credit. You like doing that, anyway, don't you?"

"Why not just handle it yourself, Horatio?"

"Because, apparently, I'm part of the problem," Horatio said through gritted teeth.

"Horatio," Calleigh interjected softly, touching his arm.

"Oh, how sweet," Stetler said, rolling his eyes. Calleigh gave him an angry glance, causing him to swallow nervously.

"Rick, why don't you take a walk, OK?" Horatio said, half-angry, half-exasperated.

"All right," he started, standing up, "but I'm not catching any heat from this if it goes bad."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Horatio spat. "We'll be in touch."

Watching Stetler go, both Calleigh and Horatio breathed a sigh of relief, but the feeling didn't last long.

"Calleigh, I'm so sorry," Horatio began, grasping her hand. "This is all my fault."

"No," Calleigh replied, "No it's not. We're in this together." There was an awkward pause as they both began contemplating things. "So I guess we've been found out," Calleigh continued. "For once, I wish this was just another one of Stetler's witch hunts. That I could handle. But a bomb in my car, Horatio? I don't…"Calleigh gasped suddenly, the realization of what almost happened to her beginning to sink in.

"Sweetheart, it's all right," Horatio whispered.

"No, it's OK. I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, stealing back tears.

"You're not fine," Horatio said gently.

"I will be," she replied in a strong voice. "We will be."

"Calleigh I … I'm not so sure…" Horatio looked down, swallowing. She knew what he was going to say, but she didn't want to hear it.

"No, no Horatio – don't do this."

"I am not going to sit here and watch you die like everyone else I love," he rasped, grasping her hand. "I can't let this happen."

"What are you saying, Horatio?"

"I'm saying … maybe you should start thinking about moving on."

"No," she said angrily. "No way, Horatio. I don't run away from fights, and neither do you. We'll get through this."

"I can't lose you," he rasped, fighting back tears. "I can't … What you said to Kyle today was true. But if something happened to you … because of me … I just, I just don't think I could go through that hell again. I don't think I could live with it."

"So this … so this is goodbye?" Calleigh asked, trembling, a tear streaking down her face.

"Not goodbye," Horatio choked out. "Just … just putting things back to the way they were before."

"Horatio, I can't, it's too—"

"I need you on my team, Calleigh, and in my life. But I'd rather work with you as just a friend than have to bury you as your lover. I've done that once, and I still can't … I haven't been able to come to terms with it."

Bowing his head, Horatio closed his eyes, letting a few tears fall. Calleigh reached out to touch his face, wiping the tears away. "I know," she said in a low voice. "It's just … it's gonna be hard. I know I've been on the fence with a lot of things, but seeing Kyle today … I just, I finally made up my mind to be with you, and now you're saying we can't be together at all."

"I'm so sorry," Horatio said sadly, opening his eyes and meeting her gaze.

"I love you," she rasped, and leaned in, kissing him gently. "I love you." She pulled away and got up from the booth, standing up.

"Let me take you home," Horatio offered, wiping his eyes quickly.

"No, no I'll … I'll call Jake," she said flatly, and Horatio's heart sunk.

"OK, that's probably best," he rasped, swallowing. "But at least let me walk you out."

Calleigh nodded silently and they made their way to the parking lot. Calleigh called Jake, who said he was only five minutes away. They both stood there, waiting, not knowing what to say.

"You're sure about this, Horatio?" Calleigh asked, breaking the silence.

"I think it's the only way," Horatio sighed.

"It's breakin' my heart," she said, her voice wavering.

"Mine, too," he rasped, "mine too."

"Then let's work this out," she pleaded, letting the tears fall.

"You're better off without me, Calleigh," he said in a low voice.

"That is not true."

"It is true," he said, looking down. "You'll be safe and happy, and that's all I've ever wanted for you."

"And what about you, Horatio?"

"Well," he sighed, "I've gotten used to disappointment in my life before."

"Can we please just rethink this?"

"I'm bad news, Calleigh, let's face it. You'll be safe now."

"Maybe," she started, touching his face, "but I don't know if I'll ever be as happy as I was with you."

"Calleigh, don't …" he whispered.

"I'm always gonna love you, Horatio Caine," she said, gently leaning in to kiss him. He instinctively returned the kiss, deepening it.

"Wait," he said, stopping suddenly. "Just … no, no. You have to go, Calleigh."

"If that's what you want," she rasped, tears in her eyes.

"No it's not … I mean. Damn it, Calleigh, you're not making this easy."

"It shouldn't be," she said angrily. "It shouldn't be easy to let go of someone you know you want to spend the rest of your life with."

"I know," Horatio said intensely, "Believe me, I know. But I'm only letting you go so I don't have to say goodbye to you forever. Can't you see that?"

"Horatio, if I walk away now, there's no coming back … You understand that, right?"

"I do," he choked out. Just then, a motorcycle pulled into the parking lot. It was Jake.

"Well, then, I guess this is goodbye," Calleigh rasped.

"No, it's not … it'll just be … different."

"Goodbye, Horatio," she said, her lower lip trembling.

"Calleigh—"

But she was already walking toward Jake. "Hey," she called. "How are you?"

"I'm better now," Jake grinned. "So I heard you needed a ride?"

"Umm … yea," she said in a low voice, looking back at Horatio, who was still standing there.

"What's up with the boss? He couldn't drive you back?"

"He umm … no, he couldn't."

"Right," Jake said, raising an eyebrow. "Everything OK, Cal?"

"I'm fine," she said, smiling tightly. "Let's just get out of here."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"There's nothin' to talk about, it's fine. Horatio's just … going through some things right now. It'll work itself out."

"OK," he said. "Well, sorry it's a not a Hummer, but feel free to hop on. I brought a helmet for you."

"Thank you kindly," she said sweetly, putting on the helmet and getting on the back of Jake's bike. She looked back one last time as Jake started up the bike. Horatio was still watching, hands on hips, sunglasses on.

"_Here we go," Jake said, and began to pull away. Horatio watched as the bike turned onto the street, taking Calleigh away. And he wondered if he'd made the right choice._


	11. Chapter 11

**Mixed Feelings" – Part 11: "Missing You"**

**Title: "Mixed Feelings"**

Author: ducainefan 

**Rating: M (to be safe)**

**Subject: H/C relationship**

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during "Bang Bang, Your Debt." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans, since we have virtually no scenes of our favorite duo on-screen  (Oh, and I refuse to count stupid scene in "Chain Reaction" – they didn't even interact!). I'm trying to keep this story as "Canon" as possible while still being DuCaine – which continues to be a big challenge. Thanks to everyone who's been following this – I'm glad to bring some DuCaine back into CSI:Miami and make it as plausible as possible. Your comments are inspiring and help me keep goin' with this one, even when DuCaine seems hopeless on-screen. Feedback is much appreciated – Please let me know what you think!

**Part 11**

Something was going on, and Calleigh Duquesne was going to get to the bottom of it. It didn't help that Eric Delko wouldn't talk to her, no doubt still hurting over her relationship with Jake Berkeley. She almost laughed at the irony of it all.

Several months ago, she had worried about how she was going to tell Eric about her and Horatio, and when she eventually did tell him, things hit the fan fast. But that mishap when Eric went toothing again— and got a knock on the head by Tobby Bender — had made him think Jake was the one she was seeing all along. Calleigh knew it was killing Horatio, lying to Eric and keeping their relationship a secret. But neither she nor Horatio would have to worry about that now.

"Hey, Officer Pretty," Jake drawled, coming up behind Calleigh, who was standing by the front desk, and shaking her from her thoughts.

"Jake," she smiled, still somewhat distracted. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," he said. "Thanks for a nice evening last night. You seemed pretty worked up."

"I, I know … I had a lot of things on my mind lately," she said, avoiding eye contact. "So, what's up?"

"Seems Delko found the possible murder weapon, outside the crime tape" Jake said. "Wonder how he missed it the first time."

"It can happen," she said defensively.

"Hey," he replied, holding up his hands, "I wasn't implyin' anything. What's goin' on with you?"

"Nothin'."

"Nothin'? C'mon Cal, I've known you for too long – I can tell when somethin's buggin' you."

"It doesn't matter…"

"It does to me," he said, leaning in close. "You matter to me."

"Jake, not at the lab, OK? Not again."

"I know, off-limits," he whispered. "But I want you to know I meant everything I said last night. And I'm glad you're movin' in with me. I mean, this past week … I felt like we were in Antigua again. Ever since we got back from there, you'd gotten kinda distant, but now … now it feels like I've got you back again, and I'm not lettin' you go this time."

Calleigh smiled back up at him. "So are you ready to get serious, Berkeley?"

"Oh, yea," he said in a low voice. "I'm ready."

"Jake I … I just don't want this to affect our working relationship, OK?"

"It won't," he said. "We're gonna be fine. You'll have me redoin' the place before I know it, I bet."

"Well, it could use a little southern charm," she smiled.

"Oh, it's got that," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Now, what's goin' on Calleigh."

"It's just, it's just Eric," she sighed.

"He jealous?" Jake smirked.

"It's not that …" she started.

"Then what?" he asked, placing his hand on her arm gently.

"It's—" Calleigh started answer, but stopped mid-sentence when she heard a familiar voice.

"Hey Calleigh! Calleigh," Eric called, walking toward her. He stopped when he saw Jake was with her. "Oh hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I," he said, slightly annoyed.

"Not at all," Calleigh said kindly. "Whatcha got?"

"Well, I was about to head over to print this tubing, but H wanted me to find you first," he explained.

"What is it?" she asked, an edge to her voice. Horatio was sending Eric as a messenger boy, and it irritated Calleigh to no end. It was bad enough that he had ended their relationship — for her protection, he kept saying. But for him to avoid her like this just added insult to injury.

"He wanted me to ask you to check out Jessica Taylor's place, see what you find. Alexx thinks it might've been suicide."

"You don't sound so convinced," she replied.

"Well … I'm gonna wait and see what this tubing tells us. Think I'll let Coop get his feet wet on this one."

"Yea, he's been buggin' us about becomin' a CSI for a few months now," Calleigh said. "Let's see if he can cut it."

"We'll see," Eric said with a smirk.

"OK, well Jake and I are gonna head over to Jessica Taylor's place – we'll let you know what we find."

"Great," Eric said, slightly irritated. Calleigh sighed.

"Right … Listen, Eric, if you need anything, you give me a call OK?"

"I'm fine," he said defensively.

"OK," she said, turning with Jake to walk toward the elevator. "We'll be in touch."

------------------------------------

Usually, Horatio was on top of any case his team was investigating, but right now he was letting them take the lead on this one. He had other matters to attend to — particularly finding the SOB who put the bomb in Calleigh's car. And he already had a prime suspect.

"Aaron Schecter," Horatio said in a low voice, closing the blinds to the interrogation room in the prison. "It's been a long time."

"Do you want to tell me what this is all about, lieutenant, because I could have my old law professor down here faster than you could say 'gun shot residue.'"

"Oh, I met your old law professor, Aaron, as I'm sure you remember," Horatio said, giving him a grim smile. "I say I handled him fairly well, wouldn't you? I mean, you're here, aren't you?"

"Not for much longer, lieutenant," he smirked. "Haven't you heard? I'm about to get out on good behavior."

"Mmhmm, I have. Seems you've faired much better than your client, Ricky Murdoch, on that score."

"Ricky … Ricky was never very smart," Schecter replied, leaning back in his chair.

"Apparently not," Horatio said flatly, placing his hands on his hips. "He was killed not that long ago in here, if I'm not mistaken."

"That was unfortunate," Schecter said in his "professional" voice. "Random acts of violence abound in here. A man's got to know who friends are, if you know what I mean, lieutenant."

"I do," Horatio said, a bite to his tone. "Random acts of violence are all I see, Aaron."

"So I've heard," he replied, leaning over the table towards Horatio. His voice dropped to a low whisper. "You know, lieutenant, I was really sorry to hear about your wife and brother and all … and now your kid. Seems like you've got plenty of your own problems to deal with."

"So, you've been keeping tabs on me," Horatio said, restraining his anger.

"Oh, I'm a big fan," Schecter laughed. "And you know, if you really want a good defense lawyer for that little runt of yours, feel free to look me up once I get out of here."

"I wouldn't count on that," Horatio said.

"What are you talking about?" Schecter replied, giving a nervous laugh.

"Well, Aaron," Horatio began, circling the table, "it seems there's some evidence that indicates you were involved in my son's kidnapping."

"What? Another fiber, lieutenant?"

"I'm the king of fibers," Horatio whispered, leaning into his ear. "But … I'm also the king of DNA, Aaron, and yours was on my son's fist after the attack, so why don't you come clean with me before I put you in here for the rest of your life."

Schecter swallowed, looking down and to his right, away from Horatio. "You know, lieutenant, I think maybe your boy just up and attacked me. Maybe it was self defense."

"Defending yourself against a 16-year-old boy?" Horatio asked in a low tone. "I'm sure, what with your Ivy League education, you can come up with a better defense than that."

"You can't prove anything," Schecter said defiantly, shaking his head.

"That's what you said four years ago, Aaron," Horatio reminded him. "But I got you then, and I'm going to get you for this, too."

"I think I'm going to need to call my lawyer," Schecter replied, looking back at Horatio.

"Oh, I would agree," Horatio said.

"Terrific," Aaron spat. "Now is there anything else I can do for you, lieutenant?"

"There is actually," Horatio said, clenching his jaw and leaning in close. "I want to know who put the bomb in my CSI's car last week."

"You mean your girlfriend's car?" Schecter replied, looking at Horatio with an evil grin.

"Who did it?" Horatio asked, leaning into him.

"Now why would I know anything about that, lieutenant? There's hundreds of guys in here who don't necessarily like you. Why don't you go ask Memmo Fierro, or Joe LeBrock."

"Because I'm asking you," Horatio whispered in a tone that sent a chill down Schecter's spine. "And I'm not gonna ask you again. Who is after my CSI?"

"Well, I wish I could help," Schecter swallowed, "but I've got a phone call to make."

"I hope your old law professor fairs better this time, because the way I see it, with the evidence against you, you won't be getting out for quite some time. And that could bode pretty badly for a man who betrays someone like Joe LeBrock."

"Turn on LeBrock? I never … Are you threatening me lieutenant?"

"Word travels fast in prison, Aaron. Think about it."

"OK, lieutenant, I'll tell you this – I had nothing to do with that bomb."

"But you started the rumor right?"

"About you and that blond? Hell, that wasn't rumor, and you know it."

"Well, you're gonna fix this for me, Aaron. Right now."

"What do you want from me?"

"I want you to spread the word that Calleigh Duquesne is no longer seeing me. Got it?"

Schecter laughed again. "Lieutenant, in all honesty, whoever did this, they have eyes and ears on the outside. They'll know I'm lying."

"You won't be lying," Horatio said, unable to hide the regret in his voice.

"You're telling me you two are done?"

"I'm telling you you don't have to worry about it."

"Well, I'm gonna need more reassurance than that," Schecter said, giving a nervous chuckle.

"Then here," Horatio said, handing him a folder. "See for yourself."

Schecter opened the folder, raising his eyebrows. "You've been stalking her?" he asked, slightly surprised.

"No," Horatio said flatly. "But I think that should tell you enough."

"All I see is pictures of your cop holdin' hands with some greaseball outside an apartment complex."

"And that's all you're gonna see," Horatio said. "I just want everyone to know that she's moved on."

"On one condition," Schecter replied. "You lessen the kidnapping charge, and I'll let everyone know your favorite CSI ditched you. Maybe I'll even jazz it up a bit, you know? Just to convince them."

Horatio gave him a warning look. "Aaron, do not push me right now."

"Oh, hey, I just wanna help," Schecter said, holding up his hands. "I mean, maybe you couldn't get it up enough for her? That'd be a good enough story for the guys in here. And I'm sure I'd be able to convince them of that. I mean, just look at you. You're not exactly a young buck, are you, lieutenant?"

Horatio looked to the side, clenching his jaw. When he looked back, Schecter had a full-blown smile on his face. He wanted to wipe it right off.

"Yea," Aaron said, laughing in Horatio's face. "Yea, and that detective, she is quite a beauty. I don't know what she ever saw in you, but she looks like she could use a real man, you know? To take care of her needs, if you know what mean. I'm sure she's a hell of a —"

"HEY!" Horatio yelled, slamming his hand down on the table, barely restraining himself. Giving Schecter a death stare, Horatio continued in a low voice, "That's enough. Now you know what you have to do, so do it. And if anything happens to Calleigh, I'll make sure you never leave these walls, you understand me?"

"Loud and clear, lieutenant," Schecter swallowed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd still like to make that phone call."

"Nothing would make me happier," Horatio said angrily, putting on his sunglasses and walking out of the room.

--------------------------------------------------

Driving back from the prison, Horatio was about to call Calleigh for an update on the Jessica Taylor case when he hesitated. They hadn't spoken much since Horatio broke off their relationship, and it was killing him. He wanted to see her happy, but it was like watching Yelina go off with Rick Stetler all over again.

'No, no not Rick,' Horatio thought to himself. 'More like Raymond.'

Horatio shook his head, angry that he so jealous. And he still felt guilty about those photographs. He had asked Yelina to shadow Jake and Calleigh one evening – just to get a few pictures of them together, but nothing intrusive. When she asked him why, he felt he had no other choice but to come clean with her about everything.

"I can't lose her," he told Yelina. "And I need to make sure she's safe. If I can just circulate those pictures … maybe they'll be convinced, and maybe they'll back off."

"Horatio," Yelina began, tears in her eyes, feeling betrayed, "why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Well … umm … it, uh, it hasn't been easy," he sighed. "I wasn't really sure how to tell you."

"So is that why you haven't been coming around, at least not to see me?"

"That's a big part of it," Horatio admitted. "But it's over now."

"You say that, but I know you, Horatio. I can see it in your eyes, it's not over for you."

"I don't have a choice," he swallowed.

The ringing of his cell phone brought Horatio out of his memories. "Caine," he said, not looking at the number.

"It's me," Calleigh said in her familiar southern drawl. He hated to admit how much he missed the sound of her voice. "Just wanted to bring you up to speed on the case," she continued.

"What's goin' on?" he asked.

"I just had to inform Brandon Fox that his girlfriend is dead."

"He's awake?"

"Yea, Eric and I got back from the hospital. We're about to head out to question that guy Reynolds, the one you and Tripp talked to at Liberty Coast."

"That's interesting. I had a feeling about him …"

"The old Caine instinct, huh?" she said with an awkward chuckle.

"We'll see," Horatio replied in a light tone. It amazed him that, even though they weren't together anymore, she still could make him smile despite himself.

"Umm… Horatio," she started hesitantly, her voice dropping to a whisper.

"Yea?" he said, his voice cracking slightly out of nervousness.

"There's something else."

"What is it, Calleigh?"

"It's Eric," she said sadly. "I think something's going on."

"What happened?"

"He's been acting strange …"

"And?"

"And I think he's been … seeing things. I think it might have something to do with Speedle."

Horatio's heart skipped a beat at the sound of his former CSI's name. A memory of Speed hitting the ground, covered in blood, flashed before his eyes. He squeezed them shut, willing the painful memory away.

"Horatio? Horatio are you there?"

"I'm here," he rasped. "Why do you think this has anything to do with Speed?"

"Well," she started, "I'd seen him looking out on the beach today. He looked like he saw a ghost, and then in the Hummer …"

"What?" he asked, urging her to continue.

"I found Tim's credit card between the seats," she sighed, swallowing.

"His credit card?"

"Yea, I … I gave to Eric. I don't know, I don't know, Horatio. You and I … we saw him. He was … he was dead. But I don't think Eric believes that."

"He never saw the body," Horatio said, remembering how hard it had been when he thought Raymond died, how he hadn't viewed the body. And although it turned out that Ray was alive and well all that time, Horatio knew, unfortunately, that was not the same fate for Speed. But Eric didn't know that – he couldn't have. He'd never let himself view Speed's body.

"What do you want to do?" Calleigh asked.

"Stick with Eric, keep an eye on him, please," Horatio said. "Let's get through this case."

"OK … I'll keep you posted."

"Thank you," he rasped. "I'll be at the lab if you need me."

Hanging up, Horatio pulled over to the side of the road. Staring at the horizon, he flashed back to the jewelry store, to Speed coughing up blood.

'I can't … feel anything …'

Tears stung Horatio's eyes as he let the memories play.

'I know, just keep breathing, partner.' One last breath, then a convulsion … and then nothing.

"Speed," Horatio said out loud, his voice riddled with grief. He could still remember the distinct scent of Speed's aftershave as it mixed with the smell of his blood, which pooled around his friend. He had checked one last time for a heartbeat. All he got was covered in blood. More blood on his hands.

Closing his eyes tightly, Horatio bowed his head, pushing back the tears. This time, the memories would not go away. In his mind, he heard another shot, and saw Eric lying in a pool of his blood – just like Speed.

"Eric," he said sadly, realizing what was happening. "I think you might need to get help, my friend," Horatio thought out loud, shaking his head. Opening his eyes, he gathered himself together and headed back to the lab. He'd have to have a serious conversation with Eric once this case was closed.

-------------------------------------------------

"H!" Dan Cooper called as he ran up to Horatio, who had just stepped out of the elevator.

"Woa, slow down," Horatio said. "What is it?"

"Shots were just fired at Dade University!"

"That's where Eric and Calleigh are," Horatio said, a tinge of panic in his voice.

"I know!" Cooper replied.

Horatio immediately raced to the front desk. "Turn that up, officer," he said, gesturing toward the police radio. It was Calleigh, and Horatio's heart dropped.

"This is CSI Duquesne, we have shots fired at Dade University!"

Horatio could hear commotion in the background, and then heard Eric.

"Calleigh, you alright?" Eric yelled.

Horatio swallowed, praying that they were both unharmed. He never heard the reply.

"She must've clicked off her radio," Horatio said, thinking out loud, hoping that's what it was. "Mr. Cooper, if anyone asks, I'm at Dade University, got it?"

"Yes, sir," Cooper replied, watching his boss forgo the elevator and run toward the stairs.

-------------------------------------

"Calleigh!" Horatio called, seeing her bent down on the ground. "Calleigh, are you alright?" There was an urgency in his voice, almost a panic. She looked up immediately.

"Horatio?" she said, standing up. "I … yea, I'm fine. I was just checking for shell casings." Horatio looked her up and down, unconsciously checking for injuries. "You gawkin' at me, lieutenant?" she asked in a playful tone. He looked up, confused. "Hey," she said softly, "I said I was fine."

"Sorry," he said, looking down.

"No, it's … that was sweet," she smiled. "And no, Eric's not hurt … at least not from anything that happened today."

"Is he still acting strangely?"

"He said something about Speed while we were checking out the crime scene. I don't know, Horatio. I think you ought to talk to him."

"Have you spoken to him about this?"

"Oh, I tried, a couple of times, but he's not exactly thrilled about … well, you know."

"Oh, I … I see," Horatio said awkwardly.

"Yea, so … so I'll let you know what we find."

"Any evidence that this was related to our case?"

"Well I'm assuming it is — our main suspect just ended up dead. Why wouldn't it be related?"

"You know, you're probably right. Don't worry about it."

"Horatio … are you thinking this might be connected to that bomb in my car last week?"

"No, I … I took care of that."

"You took care of it?" she asked, a hint of annoyance in her tone. "And how exactly did you do that?"

"Don't worry about it, Calleigh," he said, turning to leave. "I'm going to go back to the hospital and —"

"No, you're gonna tell me what's going on. Right now." Her eyes bore into him.

"Calleigh … I, uh—"

"Hey H," Eric called, running up to them and breaking up the conversation. "I think I might've got something."

"What is it?" Horatio asked, relieved that Eric had interrupted.

"Well it's … it's just a leaf, but I think it might have some evidence on it."

"Nice work," he said, glancing back at Calleigh, who was still staring him down. "I'm gonna touch base with our boy Brandon and see what he's hiding about all this."

"Fine," Calleigh said, trying to hide the fact that she was upset, but doing a bad job of it.

"To be continued," Horatio promised before walking away.

Eric looked at Horatio, then back at Calleigh. "What'd he say to piss you off?" Eric half-laughed.

"It's what he didn't say," she sighed, not realizing she'd spoken out loud.

"Huh?" Eric asked, confused.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine. Let's try and reconstruct this scene, OK?"

"Sounds like a plan," Eric replied.

-------------------------------------------------------

"It should be Jessica sitting here." Those words, spoken by Brandon Fox, still rung in Horatio's head. As he drove back to the lab, he thought about how many times that phrase crossed his own mind.

'It should be Speed sitting here. It should be Raymond sitting here. It should Marisol sitting here. It should be my mother sitting here.'

He thought about these things almost every day, before he went to bed at night. He also realized that the only time these painful thoughts left him was when he was Calleigh.

'I almost lost her today,' he thought to himself. Calleigh had just called Horatio to let him know that they nailed Brandon for Reynolds's murder. While it put his mind at ease knowing that it wasn't some sniper out to kill Calleigh, the thought of her caught in another crossfire made him cringe.

Horatio always knew the job was dangerous. That's why he shied away from getting involved with other cops. You never knew who would be next. Speed's death had brought that reality home to his team – and it hit them hard. None of them had really recovered from it. They'd moved on, but the memories remained.

He parked his car in his usual spot at the crime lab and sat there, processing everything. Despite his most valiant efforts, Horatio knew he could never protect Calleigh completely. Her job was to protect and serve, just like his, and she, too, would give her life if it meant saving one innocent person.

"What did I do?" he sighed out loud, pinching the bridge of his nose and shutting his eyes. "What did I do?"

-------------------------------------------

"So you want me to help you load some stuff in your Hummer tonight?" Jake asked Calleigh as they walked out of the crime lab.

"You know I don't get to take the Hummer home with me," she laughed.

"Oh, c'mon," he whined playfully. "It's only one night."

"Jake Berkeley, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were tryin' to get me fired," she smiled.

"Well you know it's not gonna all fit on my bike," he replied smartly. She gave him a look, and he laughed. "OK, OK," he said in defeat. "I tell you what. I'll borrow a truck from a friend of mine and we'll get this goin', OK?"

"What about my cappuccino machine?" she asked sweetly.

"Hmm … If it makes you happy, I guess I could arrange that after all."

"Well aren't you sweet," she said with a smile.

Heading toward the steps of the crime lab, Horatio stopped in his tracks as he saw the two of them, watching the conversation unfold. They were laughing, smiling. And it turned his stomach. He wanted to hide, but there was nowhere to go, and in a matter of seconds, Calleigh had noticed him.

"Horatio?" she asked, calling to him.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, walking toward them. "Detective Berkeley."

"Evenin', lieutenant," Jake replied.

"You heading home?" Horatio asked, turning to Calleigh.

"I was about to. Did you need me?"

The irony of her question was not lost on Horatio. Of course he needed her. He wanted more than anything to tell her what a big mistake he'd made, how he wanted her back. But seeing Calleigh and Jake together, and seeing her smile again … he didn't want to jeopardize her chance at happiness.

"Umm … I think we're OK," he said, nodding his head.

"OK," she replied. "You know, Jake, why don't we talk about this later, OK? I'll see you tonight."

"Alright," Jake said hesitantly, realizing she was asking him to leave. "8 o'clock OK?"

"Perfect," she said, nodding her head with a smile.

"Alright, then, Officer Pretty," he smirked. Horatio noted the cringe Calleigh tried to hide.

"Later," Calleigh called, giving a wave as Jake walked away.

"You ever gonna tell him how much you hate being called 'Officer Pretty'?" Horatio asked.

"We'll work it out," Calleigh said. "That's what people who care about each other do, you know. Work things out."

"Right," Horatio swallowed.

"Listen, Horatio, I didn't send Jake out so I could rail on you. I just wanted to tell you that you need to talk to Eric. I'm really worried about him."

"He still having problems?"

"This credit card thing … he says the card's been active. I think he's convinced that Tim's still alive."

"But we know different, don't we?" Horatio rasped. Memories of their embrace flooded both their minds as they looked down, unable to meet each other's gaze.

"We do," Calleigh said in a low voice, looking up. "But Eric doesn't."

"I'll talk to him. Where is he?"

"In the locker room," Calleigh rasped. "When I left, he was staring at Speed's locker."

"His locker …"

"You know, the one you said you didn't need help cleaning out," she replied, more harshly than she intended. "Oh, Horatio, I'm sorry, I just … this is all —"

"I know, it's OK," he said gently, reaching out to touch her cheek. She looked at him, confused, and he stopped himself. "Now I'm the one who's sorry," he said.

"No, Horatio—"

"Let me find Eric," he said. "And thank you for looking out for him."

"It's what I do," she replied.

"I know," he rasped. "I'll see you."

"Not if I see you first," she said, giving him a small smile before walking away. Horatio was left standing alone on the steps, but he knew his heart had left with Calleigh.

------------------------------------------------------------

"Son-of-a-bitch," Calleigh hissed as she walked out of the bar. Eric had driven off, fuming with rage. She'd just given Dan Cooper a piece of her mind, but she was still incredibly angry. Running her fingers through her hair, she paced the sidewalk, trying to calm herself down. The slamming of a car door caught her attention.

"Calleigh?"

"Horatio," she sighed.

"What's goin' on?"

"I can't … I can't believe this… it was Dan Cooper. He stole Speedle's credit card from his locker."

"Is he still inside?"

"I told him he had 24 hours to turn himself in before I put out a warrant for his arrest."

"You mean you left him alive?" Horatio asked, giving her a small smile.

"How can you joke about this?" she said, more exasperated than angry.

"I didn't, it wasn't meant to … I know how much hurts, Calleigh. I guess I was just thinking of what Speed might say about all this."

"You mean like, 'Only an AV tech would rip a credit card off a dead guy'?" she said, smiling through her tears. She missed Tim Speedle terribly, especially at times when they could use a good laugh.

"Something like that," Horatio said, looking around. "Where's Eric?"

"He drove off. I don't know how he didn't clobber Cooper."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"No, but I have a pretty good idea."

"Me too. Care to join me?" Horatio asked.

"I … I don't think so," she replied. "You two are close and … and I don't think he feels comfortable around me anymore."

"I don't think that's true," he said. "He knows he can trust you."

"It's Jake … you know how Eric's been …"

"I understand," Horatio replied with sigh.

"He really looks up to you, anyway … I think he'll listen to you, if you talk to him."

"Things are never easy for us, are they?"

"I doubt they ever will be," she said, shaking her head, tears stinging her eyes. "You know I … I really miss Tim."

"I know," Horatio swallowed. "I miss him, too. Every day."

"Wonder what he would've said about us, huh?"

"Us?"

"I mean … when we were, you know…"

"Yea, I um …"

"Hey, sorry, I didn't mean to make things awkward. I just, I was thinking about how Tim would probably get a kick out of it, you know? Maybe tease you about goin' to Artie's Playground or whatever." They both laughed nervously.

"So," Horatio started, "are you, I mean I just wanted to know …"

"What, Horatio?"

"Are you happy? With Jake, I mean."

"I … I'm getting there," she said carefully. "Besides, I've always had a soft spot for bad boys."

"I noticed," Horatio said, raising his eyebrows.

"I mean, I wasn't talking about you, I … oh, let's just call it a night, OK? It's been a long day and I don't even know what I'm sayin' anymore."

"Yea, I … I should get to the cemetery," Horatio said sadly.

"You'll do fine," she said reassuringly, patting his arm.

"Thank you," he smiled.

"Good night," she said softly, brushing past him and walking toward her car. As he watched her walk away, he wondered how he would ever get along without her.


	12. Chapter 12

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part 12: "In Too Deep"**

**Title: "Mixed Feelings"**

Author: ducainefan 

**Rating: M (to be safe)**

**Subject: H/C relationship**

NOTES: This part of the story takes place during "Deep Freeze." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans. Lord knows we could use some good scenes between these two! I'm still tryin' to keep the story "canon," and it's obviously still a challenge. (Tryin' to have a little fun w/this chapter too – you'll see ;) ) Your comments are inspiring and help me keep goin' with this one, even when DuCaine seems hopeless on-screen. Feedback is much appreciated – Please let me know what you think!

**Part 12**

"I can't believe you watch this stuff, Calleigh," Jake said, taking a bite from his egg roll. "I mean, who cares what's goin' on with the fat cats in Hollywood. They don't know what a real job is anyway."

"Well, I don't know, I just guess it's just fun," Calleigh replied in a girlish tone, raising up the volume of the television. They were both sitting on the couch, packed boxes surrounding them.

"So I guess my company's startin' to bore you, huh?" Jake asked in a mock-hurt tone.

"Not at all," she said, slapping him playfully. "I just like to see how the other half lives."

"Well, there's a couple of people that might not be so well off," Jake said, pointing to the screen.

Pictures of an actor and actress flashed across the screen as the host of the entertainment show described the latest gossip: "While the hot hit show Murder, Inc. might be taking viewers by storm, the two leads are generating some buzz of their own. When confronted by Inside Entertainment reporters, producers declined to comment on the fact that the two stars had not shared a scene for nearly the entire season."

"Makin' millions of dollars a year and they can't keep their egos in check on the job? Now that's a crime," Jake commented.

"They didn't say that," Calleigh chimed in defensively. "Besides, you can't believe everything you see on TV, Jake," she added, turning her attention back to the screen. "I was wondering why Lucas and Diana weren't talkin'," Calleigh said thoughtfully as she ate a forkful of her chow mien.

"Lucas and Diana? Calleigh what are you—"

"The two main characters on that show. You know it's a shame, too. I always liked them together. I hope things work out."

"Calleigh, it's a TV show…"

"Well, sure, but it's also a great way to escape sometimes."

"Escape? By watching a fictitious crime drama? Cal, they don't even know what we do."

"Well, it's true, they skip some procedures and fudge some things. But I still love it. I think it was the characters that drew me in at first …"

"Please tell me you're joking."

"What can I say? I TiVo it every week," she said with a smile.

"When exactly do you have time to watch it?"

"Oh, here and there."

"Well, now that I'm back in your life, I intend to keep you extremely busy. As a matter of fact, give me a few minutes, and I guarantee you that Lucky and Dana will be the last thing on your mind."

"Lucas and Diana," she corrected him, shutting off the TV. "But anyway, I am beat from all this packing."

"Well, I'm glad you're not takin' all those magazines with you too," Jake said, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, you're not ready for that collection yet," she drawled. They both laughed and sat in silence for a little while, finishing their makeshift dinner.

"You know, Calleigh," Jake started, "I get the funny feeling your boss doesn't like me very much."

Calleigh looked up, trying to hide her nervousness. "Now why would you say that?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know," he sighed, stretching. "He's always so … moody, you know? All I ever heard about him was what a great cop he is, or CSI, whatever. And he is good … but there's somethin' about him … I can't really put my finger on it."

"I wouldn't worry about it, Jake," she said, looking down at her food. "Horatio's just not the type of person who pats your back every time you do your job right. I guess that's what makes it so special when he does say you did a nice job."

"Well, I'm not lookin' to feel special, Cal. I just wanna feel like I belong, you know? "

"You do, Jake. I think you're gellin' just fine with the rest of the team."

"I want his respect, Calleigh," he said, looking at her. "And I want him to stop lookin' at me like I'm some carbon copy of his little brother."

Calleigh looked at him, surprised. "Why would you think that?"

"Just somethin' he said to me once," Jake explained. "Said he had a brother undercover, like me."

"Raymond," Calleigh said, nodding.

"Yea, heard he got busted for bein' a dirty cop."

"Something like that," Calleigh swallowed.

"Well anyway, he said his brother got into some bad stuff, and never got out. But I told him that wouldn't happen to me, and I know it won't. Especially not with you by my side." Jake took Calleigh's hand and squeezed it, and she smiled back at him. "I'm glad I got out when I did, Calleigh. That bust you guys made last year was a blessin' in disguise, I'll tell ya. I was dyin' on the inside."

"Well, I'm glad we could be of some help to you," she replied, leaning in closer.

"Yea," Jake rasped. "Well anyway, I just wish H would cut me a break. I mean haven't I proved myself on the job? I just don't know what do …"

"You called him H," Calleigh said with a smile.

"What?" Jake asked, confused.

"Before, when you were talking. You called him H."

"Yea, yea I guess I did. So?"

"So … only his team calls him that, and I think now that you're part of the team you should start acting like it."

"You mean call him H? You think that's gonna—"

"It's an affectionate nickname. It's a way of showin' your commitment, in a way, I guess."

"I never hear you call him H," Jake said skeptically.

"Umm … Well, truth be told, I always liked his name. It's different, unique. Besides, I always thought nicknames were a 'guy' thing."

Jake laughed, putting down his carton of Chinese food and leaning in close. "So maybe using his nickname is some sorta male bonding ritual, is that what you're tellin' me?"

"Try it and find out," she said cheerfully, placing her own bowl of food on the nearest box. "Oh, and while you're at it, stop tryin' so hard – he knows you're just lookin' to do a good job. You don't have to be hot-shot about it."

"Me? A hotshot? You wound me Calleigh," Jake replied with a grin.

"I just call 'em like I see 'em, Berkeley," she smiled, stretching and looking at her watch. "Now, I should probably be getting back. Gotta get up early tomorrow."

"Why go back? Stay tonight."

"Jake, you know, I'm … I'm just not in the mood for … you know…"

"Uhhuh," Jake nodded. "Listen, I know a lot of our relationship, at least in the past, was based on … well … sex, but I'm not the same person anymore, Cal." She blushed, looking at him, trying to read his expression. "Besides," he continued, "I'm pretty beat myself."

"So you wanna flip for the couch, detective?"

"Nah, I got the couch," he smiled, winking at her.

"All right, but no sneakin' in in the middle of the night, Berkeley," she warned, getting up.

"I wouldn't dream of it," he replied, smiling mischievously.

"Somehow, I think you would," she said, arching an eyebrow. "Sweet dreams, detective," she added, giving him a soft kiss before walking toward the bedroom.

"Sweet dreams, 'Officer Pretty,'" he called.

Stopping at the doorway, Calleigh turned. "Hey Jake," she said, and he turned around, looking at her hopefully. "I hate it when you call me that," she said in her sweetest voice.

"What?" he asked, his face dropping.

"Just keep it Calleigh, OK? Like I said, nicknames are for guys."

"Gotcha," he said. "Won't happen again."

"Alright then," she replied. "Now you remember, no skulking around the door at 3 a.m., mister."

"On my honor, Cal," he said with a smile. 

"I'm holding you to it. Goodnight, Jake."

"'Night Cal," he said as she closed the door to the room.

On the other side of the door, Calleigh sighed, flopping down on the bed. Jake had been so sweet the last few weeks, and she was starting to feel like she was in a normal relationship again. The problem was, she wasn't sure if it was the right one. She kept reminding herself that Jake had worked hard to turn his life around, that he was different. Maybe too different, she thought.

She kicked herself for thinking so negatively, but she couldn't help it. The reality was, Calleigh was still heartsick. Whatever Jake did, whatever Jake said, she was always comparing him to Horatio. She knew it wasn't fair, but she missed her LT terribly. That closeness they shared, it seemed to be hanging by a thread since he broke things off, and broke her, because deep down she knew she still loved him.

'This was his decision, and I have to respect that,' Calleigh told herself. But that thought just made her even angrier. The breakup was one of the few times Horatio hadn't treated her like an equal. Even though she knew he was just looking out for her safety, Calleigh couldn't help but feel slightly betrayed by the whole thing. But at the same time, she loved the man and wanted to be there for him.

'You have a good thing right here, right now.' That was the second thing she told herself before going to bed at night, trying to remember that she still had Jake, and that was worth something. Back at the academy, she fell in love with him, and now she keeps trying to convince herself that she could learn to love him again.

'Things will work out.' That phrase was the only one that helped her sleep at night, and this night was no different. She went to the bathroom to wash up before going to bed, but remembered that she hadn't yet brought her toothbrush over to his apartment. While that fact would be insignificant to some, Calleigh felt tears sting her eyes as she searched Jake's medicine cabinet for a spare toothbrush. That feeling of intimacy, that closeness, she just wasn't there yet with Jake, and as silly as it may sound to some, the fact that her toothbrush was still at her place confirmed that for her.

"Things will work out," she said out loud, running her hands through her hair and looking at her reflection. "They have to."

----------------------------------------------------

The case was big, and Calleigh was beginning to chomp at the bit. Bad leads and a missing murder weapon — coupled with the fact that Alexx couldn't autopsy the body — were starting to frustrate her. She was walking toward the hallway when she saw Horatio sitting on one of the benches, looking at a picture.

"Hey," she said with a half-smile. "Everything OK?"

Horatio looked up suddenly, caught off-guard. "Umm … yea, yea everything's fine," he said, standing up quickly. Seeing the pain in his eyes, she gave him a sympathetic look.

"You get anything from that photo I found at Martin Wilson's place?"

"Yea, yea I did," he said softly, swallowing.

"So what's the connection?"

"The boy is Doug McClain's son."

"You're kidding," Calleigh said in surprise. "Where is he now?"

"He's umm…" Horatio paused, looking to the side, averting Calleigh's gaze.

"Oh, Horatio," she said sadly. "What happened to him?"

"Well … he had a rare kidney disease and … he didn't make it."

Calleigh sighed, looking down at the picture. "But how does this have anything to do with our murder?"

"It appears the mother is Wendy Legassic."

"What?" she said, looking up suddenly. "Well, if McClain abandoned his son, that could certainly give her motive." Horatio didn't respond, still looking at the photograph. "Horatio?" He looked up suddenly, and she could see the pain in his eyes. "Horatio," she said softly, but he shook his head, taking a step back.

"I'm fine," he said, forcing a smile. Calleigh swallowed, looking down and nodding, but not believing him one bit. Still, she thought it best to humor him at this point. If he didn't want her help, she wouldn't force it on him.

"Did McClain know about his son?" she asked, looking back up.

"That is what I'm about to find out," Horatio said, brushing past her and walking away. Calleigh sighed, watching him walk down the hall with a heavy heart.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Horatio," Rick Stetler called, walking up the steps to the lab. "Got a minute."

"For you, Rick, always." Horatio said with a sarcastic grin.

"What? No thanks for the help this afternoon with that court order?"

"Thank you, Rick," Horatio said flatly, placing his hands on hips. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"Seems we've got a problem with one of your CSIs," Stetler said in a slightly cheerful tone. Horatio narrowed his eyes, giving him a hard look as Stetler continued. "It appears Calleigh Duquesne is breaking our new policy regarding interdepartmental relationships."

"You mean the one you just pushed through, Rick?"

"That came down from the chief, Horatio."

"And at who's urging?"

Stetler shoved his hands in his pocket, looking frustrated. "You know, Horatio, if it hadn't been for that bomb we found in Calleigh's car, I may never have seen the light on this thing. On-the-job relationships are just too dangerous, you know?"

"I do," Horatio replied, an edge to his voice. "You should know first-hand, right Rick?"

"Yea, well, that's ancient history now."

"What about my CSI?"

"Oh, yea, that. Well, it seems like her colleague Eric Delko ratted her out. She's been seeing Jake Berkeley, hasn't she?" Horatio stood silently, jaw clenched. "Horatio, if you know anything, and you're holding back on me…"

"Her private business is her private business," Horatio replied tensely.

"Not when it involves protocol," Stetler retorted. "Besides, I heard about some pictures circulating through certain channels … Maybe I should ask Yelina about all this?"

"Stay out of it, Rick," Horatio warned.

"Listen, I don't like this IAB crap any more than you do, but I'm just trying to do my job. You know how these relationships can get – if they end it could affect job performance, and that becomes my business. Besides, we all saw how well it worked out with you and Calleigh, didn't we?"

Horatio looked down in anger, then took a step forward, leaning in close. "If you have any questions about my CSI's personal life, why don't you ask her directly?"

"Funny, that's what Delko said. Maybe I'll just take it up with Jake, how about that?"

"It's your call, Rick," Horatio said, putting on his sunglasses. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a real job to attend to." With that, Horatio sped past him, walking toward his Hummer.

------------------------------------------------------------

Standing in front of her locker, Calleigh slowly put her gear away for the evening. Placing her gun on the top shelf, she paused, feeling for the picture that was there. Pulling it out, she looked at it, tears forming in her eyes.

"Damn it," she hissed, slamming her hand against her locker. "Damn it." She didn't want to break down at the lab, but she was having trouble holding back her emotions. Her world was crumbling. First Horatio had ended their relationship, and now Jake wanted to cool things down. All because of this new policy.

'Cool off - What the hell does that mean?' she thought to herself angrily. She was still mad at Eric, even though she knew it wasn't all his fault. Jake could've stepped up for once instead of backing down to Stetler's demands. Sighing, she sat down on the bench.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" she whispered, shaking her head and looking down at the picture. "I guess I'm just no good for anyone."

"That's not true," a familiar voiced called softly.

"Horatio?" she said in surprise, looking up suddenly. "I, umm … hey."

"Hey," Horatio said, walking from the doorway to her locker. "You OK?"

"Yea, I'm fine," she said, quickly wiping at the few tears that had fallen.

"You don't look fine," he replied, sitting down next to her. "You wanna talk about it?"

"If Stetler catches us in here together, he'll have your head. You know that, right?"

"I'm not afraid of him," Horatio smiled. "What's goin' on?"

"How would you feel if I switched to nights?"

"W-what? What are you talking about?" Horatio asked, caught off-guard.

"Stetler found out about me and Jake, said we were breaking some sort of new protocol," Calleigh sighed. "So basically, either one of us changes shifts so we don't have to work together, or we have to end our relationship."

"I see," Horatio said carefully. "Well, Calleigh, if that's – if that's what you want I—"

"God, I don't want this, Horatio," she snapped, turning to him. "I mean I don't … I know what I want, but I can't have it. Isn't that right?"

"Calleigh…"

"I mean, especially now," she continued, anger in her voice. "Now that this new policy has all of a sudden come out."

"Sweetheart—"

"Don't," she said sharply, tears in her eyes, "just … just don't, OK? I can't take this. You know, Jake and I, we were just starting to get to know each other again, and I was just starting to … to move on … and …" She trailed off, looking away, brushing away tears.

"I'm sorry," Horatio said in a low voice. "I'm so sorry."

"Why?" she asked, turning to him. "You didn't have anything to do with this … did you?" Horatio swallowed, looking down. "Oh my God…"

"Calleigh, it's not what you think." 

"Then what is it, Horatio? What the hell did you tell Stetler?"

"I didn't tell him anything," Horatio said gently. "But I think our relationship might've facilitated this new … policy."

"You mean our former relationship, right Horatio?" she said in disgust. "Well that's terrific. That's just great. I mean, I try to move on, I try to have a life with someone, but you keep coming back to haunt me."

"I never meant for this."

"I know," she rasped. "I know you didn't."

"Calleigh…"

"You know what the real kicker is, Horatio?" she said through tears, looking him in the eye. "I'm still in love with you."

Horatio broke eye contact, looking down and sighing. "I … um … I don't know what to say, Calleigh," he rasped.

"Look me in the eye, Horatio. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me."

Lifting his head, he gave her a vulnerable look, tears forming in his own eyes. "I … I can't," he choked out.

Calleigh shook her head, letting a tear fall. "Then maybe I really should move to nights," she said, a tremor in her voice.

"Please don't," Horatio whispered, still looking down, unable to meet her gaze.

"Why? Why are you doing this to me?" she said through tears. "If we can't be together … it's just getting too hard to see you every day." 

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just being selfish," he swallowed, looking at his hands.

"No, you're being pig-headed," she replied. "Jake and I … things were getting serious between us…"

"I won't stop you," Horatio said, finally looking up at her, "but can I ask you something?" Calleigh simply nodded. "Why isn't Jake the one considering the switch to nights?"

"I … I don't know," she sighed.

"Professionally speaking, it seems to me that you're established in your career and worked hard to get to where you are. Why would someone who cares about you ask you to turn your life upside down, especially when he's the new kid in town?"

"I can't answer that, Horatio, but what choice do I have? You made it clear that, despite our mutual feelings, we can't be together, and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life."

"You could do so much better," Horatio rasped.

"Thanks for your two cents," she half-laughed. "But you don't know Jake outside the job. He's … he's a good guy. And you should give him a chance."

"I am," Horatio replied. "I'm just concerned…"

"Concerned about what? That he's just like your brother?"

Horatio swallowed, looking down. "What … why would you say that?"

"Jake was telling me about something you said to him once …"

"I said what I did because I didn't want to see him end up like Ray … Because I knew you cared about him."

"You think he's just like Ray, Horatio?" Calleigh asked, turning toward him.

"I um … I don't know. I just, I have a gut feeling Calleigh, and I'm afraid, whatever he's into, he's going to bring you down with him."

"A leopard doesn't change his spots?" Calleigh asked. Horatio flinched, remembering Yelina speaking those same words to him in Brazil shortly before his brother died.

"I'm not saying—"

"You know what? I think you've said enough, Horatio," she said, getting up. He glanced up at her, a sad look in his eyes. "Horatio don't look at me like that," she sighed.

"Does this mean I should put through the transfer papers?" he asked sadly.

"I … no," she sighed. "I'm not going anywhere … for now. I just have to sort this out, find out where he really stands. I'm sure you can understand that."

"I do understand," he rasped, standing. "And I'm here for you."

"Horatio," she said, taking a step back, "I don't know if I want you that close right now, OK?"

Ducking his head, Horatio swallowed, and caught a glimpse of the picture in her hand. He raised his eyebrows, studying it silently.

"Horatio?" she asked, looking down at the picture.

"That's a nice photograph," he rasped. "May I see it?"

"Umm… sure," she said hesitantly, handing him the photo. Pictured was a much younger Calleigh Duquesne in an academy T-shirt and jeans. Next to her stood a similarly younger Jake Berkeley, wearing a baseball cap and leather jacket.

"This from your academy days?" he asked in a low voice.

"Yea," she said, "during our last year."

"You look …"

"20 years younger?" Calleigh half-laughed.

"I was going to say, you look beautiful."

"Horatio—"

"I'm sorry, I just … you look very happy here. Were you happy?"

"For a while," she said, swallowing. "I guess I never got to tell you that much about Jake and I before … you know."

"There's no need," he said gently, handing her back the photograph.

"I guess there's not anymore," she sighed, taking it and putting it back in her locker.

"Did you love him?" Horatio asked suddenly, and she turned around, surprised he'd asked the question.

"Well … I thought I did … at the time," she said carefully.

"And what about now?"

"Jury's still out," she said, looking him in the eye.

"I see …" Horatio looked down, and she could see he had more questions for her, but was afraid to push further.

"I know what you're wondering, Horatio," she said, crossing her arms. "Why did we break up all those years ago, right? Well, I'll tell you, just for your own edification. After we graduated, he had a choice between becoming a beat cop or going undercover. He chose the latter and that meant saying goodbye to me."

"So basically he put his career before you — that's why it ended," Horatio replied, arching an eyebrow as Calleigh turned away. "Sounds familiar," Horatio said, looking up.

Anger flashed in Calleigh's eyes, but she restrained herself. "You're thinking he's doing it to me again, right?"

"It would seem that way."

"Well, we'll see about these new rules … Rick Stetler can kiss my ass for all I care."

"You should be careful, Calleigh," Horatio warned gently. "It's one thing for Jake to choose his career over you, but it's quite another if he ruins your career in the process."

"I'll take my chances," Calleigh said, running a hand through her hair. "Unlike some people, I'm not afraid of taking risks to make a relationship work."

"Calleigh I—"

"I didn't mean it to come out that way, Horatio," she sighed. "I just … if it's really over between us, then I have to get on with my life, you know?"

"I just want you to be happy," he rasped.

"You know what would make me happy?" she asked. He looked up, arching an eyebrow. "You would make me happy, Horatio. You did for the nine months we were together. But you took that away from me."

"I, I did it to protect you," he said.

"I can take care of myself," she retorted. "I am a police officer, you know."

"I know," he rasped. "It hasn't … It's been difficult for me, believe me, Calleigh. I've ... missed you. But I've been thinking about this, I've been over it again and again. In our line of work, I realize we could lose each other in an instant … but I still can't … I just don't want that to be because of me."

Calleigh simply shook her head, holding back tears. Turning, she closed her locker, keeping her back to him. "Devil in the dark," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, moving to the side, trying to see her expression. She turned to him, leaning against the locker.

"You need to find a way to exorcize those demons, Horatio."

"My? What—"

"You can't get past your brother's death, or Marisol's. Or even Speed's for that matter. And that guilt is changing you into someone I hardly recognize."

"Calleigh, I—"

"It's not just with me, Horatio. You've been distant from the team, removed. I can hardly ever find you in the lab anymore. And let's not talk about your body count from the last few years – I've seen the paperwork. When we were together, I thought I could help you—"

"You do help me," he rasped.

"You need more than me, Horatio. I think you need to talk to a professional about all this."

"I don't need counseling."

"No?" she replied sharply, stepping in front of him, cornering him against the locker. They both could feel the heat between them, but she was too angry to act on it. He shifted uncomfortably, defensive, as she continued. "You're not being honest with me, or yourself. You think you can let the job be your therapy, but it's not working, and I can see that … and I know I'm not the only one."

"While I, I appreciate your concern, I don't want to you worry about this," he said in a low voice, swallowing.

"Well, it's a little late for that, Horatio. I am concerned about you, and that's not gonna stop, even if we're not … together … anymore."

He gave her a small smile, looking down. "What if I told you I'd think about it, OK?" he rasped.

"OK," she said, giving him a tight smile and moving back a bit, giving him room.

"Are you gonna be OK?" he asked, taking a step forward, moving into her space a bit.

"Yea, I'll be fine," she sighed.

"So I'll see you Monday?"

"See you Monday," Calleigh nodded, turning and closing her locker.

"OK then," Horatio replied, gently brushing her arm as he walked toward the doorway. "And Calleigh," he added, turning toward her, "Thank you."

She gave him a small smile in return. "Any time, handsome," she drawled, letting her affection slip out. He swallowed, giving her one last look before walking out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

"Mixed Feelings" – Part 13: "Too Late To Apologize"

"**Mixed Feelings" – Part 13: "Too Late To Apologize"**

**Title: "Mixed Feelings"**

Author: ducainefan

**Rating: M (to be safe)**

**Subject: H/C relationship**

NOTES: Sorry I haven't posted in awhile – the strike and lack of DuCaine had kinda killed my inspiration for a while. This part of the story takes place during "Sunblock." Again, it's kind of a "fill-in-the-blanks" for us DuCaine fans. Still tryin' to keep the story "canon," still a challenge. However, seeing them on-screen again last night gave me some inspiration that I haven't had in a while – I hope it continues! As always, your comments are inspiring and spur me on, even when DuCaine seems hopeless on-screen. Feedback is much appreciated – Please let me know what you think!

Part 13

"Not now Berkeley," Calleigh said dismissively, brushing past Jake and heading toward the crime scene. While Jake had told her he just wanted to "take a break" following the new protocol about interdepartmental relationships, Calleigh was disappointed with his choice, to say the least.

"I know that tone," he said smartly, trying to get her to look at him, but she continued to move forward. She wasn't having it. After talking to Horatio in the locker room last week, she couldn't stop thinking about how callous Jake had been about the whole split. Yet again, Jake couldn't step out for her and put his career aside to make their relationship work.

As they spoke with Alexx about the murder — and astrology — Calleigh thought about the way her job grounded her, and even helped her fight through rough spots in her own life. One minute she was anguishing over the break-up, the next she was investigating someone's death. The cases always reminded her that no matter how bad her day was going, someone else's was much worse — that was one of the main reasons for her positive attitude toward life. Her love life might be toast right now, but at least she wasn't a corpse.

"Call me if you find anything, if you still remember the number," Jake said to Calleigh, walking away from the crime scene. Calleigh knew she couldn't give him the cold shoulder forever, but she was not ready to discuss exactly what Jake's "cooling off" statement meant.

"Well, if you're done here Calleigh, I'm gonna take baby boy to the autopsy bay," Alexx said to her as she collected the last of the evidence.

"He's all yours, Alexx," she smiled, packing up her kit, but she was interrupted by the sudden buzzing of her cell phone. Alexx arched an eyebrow.

"Honey, if that's another body, don't say I didn't tell you so," Alexx said as Calleigh looked at the number on her phone.

"It's not another call out," Calleigh said, tension in her voice. "But it is bad news."

"What's up?"

"It's Stetler. I bet it's about me and Jake," she said, rolling her eyes.

"You give him hell, Calleigh," Alexx urged, giving her a smirk.

"Oh, I intend to," she replied, shaking her head and answering the phone. "What do you need, Rick?" she asked tersely.

"My office, 4:30 p.m."

"You do realize I'm in the middle of a case," she replied.

"Don't worry, I'm sure your LT won't mind," Stetler said with a snarl. "The chief and I would just like to have a friendly chat with you."

"The chief? Mind if I ask what all this is about?"

"Just be here, detective," he said, hanging up on her. She looked down at the phone, and gave a heavy sigh.

"You OK?" Alexx asked.

"I've got a bad feeling about this, Alexx."

"Don't worry, you can handle that creep."

"Oh, I know that, but O'Shea's gonna be there too."

"Sounds like they're gangin' up on you, honey. Maybe you should call Horatio."

"I don't wanna bother him with this right now," Calleigh sighed. "He's meeting with the higher-ups today about Ryan's reinstatement."

"Our boy's finally comin' home?" Alexx asked with a smile.

"Could be as early as this mornin' if all goes well," she replied. "I know Horatio's been working hard behind the scenes for Ryan. I just hope he doesn't waste his second chance."

"Amen to that," Alexx said, shaking her head.

"Well, I'm gonna start processing the evidence. Let me know what you find in the autopsy."

"Will do. And if you need anything, Calleigh, don't hesitate to call."

"Thanks Alexx," she said, taking the evidence back to her Hummer.

The case was beginning to get very creepy, but Calleigh would have rather have gone with Eric and Nat to the home of Mario Montero — a suspect who everyone in the lab was now calling "wolfman," much to Ryan's displeasure — than meet with Stetler and O'Shea. She hadn't had a chance to contact Horatio about the impromptu meeting. She told herself she'd been too busy, but the truth was she didn't want to worry him. She could handle herself.

"Ms. Duquesne, thank you for coming," O'Shea said, gesturing toward a chair. Stetler sat at his desk, hands folded, glaring at her.

"Do you gentlemen want to tell me what this is all about now?" Calleigh asked, taking a seat.

"We're getting to it," O'Shea replied, moving across the room and leaning against a bookshelf. "Now, Sergeant Stetler has informed me about your conduct in certain … shall we say … personal areas, and I just wanted to clear the air."

"What exactly are you referring to, sir?" she asked sharply.

"Is it or is not true that you were involved with Detective Jake Berkeley?" Stetler asked.

"What do you mean by involved?"

"OK, let me rephrase that," Stetler said, slightly annoyed. "Were you _romantically _involved with Detective Berkeley?

"I am not presently involved with any of my colleagues in a romantic way," Calleigh replied, raising an eyebrow.

"You didn't answer the question," Stetler said, sighing in frustration.

"I'm sorry, I just don't see how it's any of your business, since we are talking about a time prior to the new protocol being put in place."

"And by new protocol, you're referring the rule prohibiting interdepartmental relationships," O'Shea said from across the room, nodding to Stetler.

"Yes," Calleigh said curtly, wondering where all this was going. 

"Let me cut to the chase," Stetler said, leaning forward.

"Please do," Calleigh urged.

"We're still investigating who exactly tampered with your car a few weeks ago, and we found out that photographs were circulating around the county jail," Stetler said, opening the folder in front of him.

"Photographs? I don't understand. I was under the impression that Lieutenant Caine —"

"Yes, Lieutenant Caine, let's talk about him, shall we?" O'Shea said, walking forward and sitting on the desk. "What exactly is the nature of your relationship?"

"My relationship with whom?" Calleigh asked. She knew the answer, but was trying to delay the inevitable.

"With Lieutenant Caine," O'Shea persisted in an even tone.

"He's my supervisor, I answer to him," she said matter-of-factly. "Now what about the photographs?"

"We'll ask the questions, detective," O'Shea replied.

"Should I call my union rep, then? Because this seems a lot like an interrogation to me."

"Relax detective," O'Shea said, putting his hands up defensively. "We're just trying to solve this case."

"You? I thought Lieutenant Caine was looking into the matter."

"I'm sure he is," Stetler said, "but we don't like his vigilante attitude, so we're working it from our end."

"Vigilante attitude? What are you talking about?"

"I think you know very well what I'm talking about," Stetler said, arching an eyebrow. "We've heard about Brazil."

Calleigh remained silent, pursing her lips.

"So," O'Shea started, "what I'd really like to ask you is how far you think Lieutenant Caine would go to protect you?"

"I don't think it would be fair of me to speculate on what Lieutenant Caine may or may not do in any given situation."

"But you've known for what, 12 years now?" Stetler interjected.

"Yes."

"And I know you've gotten to know him particularly better in the last nine months."

"Our relationship is strictly professional," she replied.

"But it wasn't always, was it?" O'Shea asked.

"Why does any of this matter to you?" Calleigh said angrily.

"Because he apparently threatened one of the inmates that he believed was involved in putting a bomb in your car," O'Shea replied.

"And you're basing this on what? A criminal he put away?"

"Take a look at these pictures, detective," O'Shea said, taking the file from Stetler's desk and handing them to her.

"What … what the hell is this?" she asked angrily, looking at the photos – all of her and Jake walking along the street to her house.

"These photographs were given to a prisoner named Aaron Schecter," O'Shea said.

"Given by whom?" Calleigh asked, clenching her teeth.

"By Horatio Caine," O'Shea replied.

Calleigh blinked, staring at him skeptically. "You expect me to believe that? Why would he do that?

"We think he's becoming … obsessive," O'Shea said, raising his eyebrows. "His actions in the field, his body counts, and now this. It's all the classic signs of a cop ready to go off the deep end."

"I don't believe this," Calleigh said, shaking her head and looking down at the photos. "Lieutenant Caine has a near spotless career and has collared more criminals than both of your records combined. You want to find problems within the Miami-Dade PD? Go look in the mirror."

"You're walking a fine line," O'Shea warned.

"And so are you. You think Lieutenant Caine took those photos? What proof do you have?"

"How about Yelina Salas?" Stetler sneered.

"What does she have to do with this?"

"She took those pictures for Horatio," Stetler said aggressively, leaning across the desk.

"She … I don't get it. Yelina took the photos and he gave them to Schecter? That doesn't make any sense."

"Schecter says Horatio threatened him. Something about Horatio wanting to disassociate with you, and he asked Schecter to circulate the pictures or else," Stetler said. Calleigh remained silent, looking down at the photos.

"You can press charges if you like," O'Shea added. "Technically, he didn't have any legal grounds to request those photographs of you, and Ms. Salas had no right to take them. I've heard about Lieutenant Caine's motive, but quite frankly, it seems a little hinky to me."

"Have you even spoken with Lieutenant Caine?" she asked sharply.

"Not yet," O'Shea said, "but we have spoken to his sister-in-law. Feel free to verify that."

"Oh, I will," she said, standing up.

"Hey, we're not through," Stetler said.

"We are now," Calleigh replied in a biting tone, leaning across the desk. "I will not be a part of your witch hunt on this lab or your attempts to bring down Lieutenant Caine."

"Detective," O'Shea started, "be careful. We have serious reasons for our concern. Perhaps your personal feelings are clouding your judgment."

"Perhaps yours are," she spat, turning toward him. "I don't know what you expected to get from this conversation, but it's over."

"For now," O'Shea said. "In all honesty, you are one of the best officers we've ever had on the force, and it would be a shame to lose you over this whole mess."

"Are you threatening me?"

"We're just concerned for your well-being," O'Shea replied. "I'd wager to say you'd make a fine lieutenant some day."

Calleigh shook her head, giving an angry chuckle. "We all know this isn't about me."

"Just be careful, detective," O'Shea said. "We don't want any more of Miami's finest to get hurt because of Lieutenant Caine's … indiscretions."

Calleigh stared at them both, giving them one of her patent Duquesne stare-downs before turning and walking out of the office. Swiftly moving out of the building, she got into her vehicle and slammed the door, shaking her head and stealing back tears. Taking out her cell phone, she scrolled through her address book until she found the right number, then hit the "call"button

"This is CSI Calleigh Duquesne. When you get this give me a ring back at 555-2927. It's urgent. Thanks."

With a sigh, Calleigh, clicked her cell phone shut and turned on the ignition. As she drove from police headquarters, Calleigh tried to put together answers .

Standing at the doorway of a ranch house in a middle-class neighborhood in Miami, Calleigh Duquesne looked at her watch. She thought about turning back, but she had to know the truth.

"Can I help you?" said a young voice as the door opened.

"Oh, hey, Ray," Calleigh smiled.

"You, uh, you work with Uncle Horatio, right? Is he OK?"

"Oh, he's fine," Calleigh said, swallowing. "I'm actually here to see your mom."

"OK, well … I guess you can come in." As she walked into the house, her eyes roamed the walls, which were filled with Spanish art and family pictures scattered here and there. "Mom," Ray called, "one of Uncle Horatio's detectives is here to see you!"

"I'll be right down!" Yelina called. Ray gestured for Calleigh to have a seat in the living room, and her eyes came to rest on a picture on the end table. It was of Yelina, Horatio and his brother Ray in New York City. She was amazed at how young Horatio looked – time had really taken its toll on him, she thought.

"I was 20 years younger there," Yelina sighed, and Calleigh looked up quickly. "We all were. I don't know where the time went, really."

"It's, um … it's good to see you, Yelina. How are things?"

"We're getting by, day by day," she started, "but I don't think you came here to socialize, am I right?"

"That's … that's true," sighed, looking down at her hands. "I, um … I just wanted to speak with you about something that recently came to my attention."

"They told about the pictures," Yelina said matter-of-factly, sitting down across from Calleigh. "I knew they would."

"I just, I don't understand."

"It's simple," Yelina explained. "Horatio came to me, told me his concern for you, and I helped him, like I always do."

"What exactly did he tell you?"

"Enough," Yelina said softly, looking down.

"I see …" Calleigh replied, the awkwardness of the moment leaving them in silence. Finally, Yelina looke up to speak.

"I always knew he cared for you," she said. "And that you cared for him too. There's no hard feelings here, OK?"

"Alright," Calleigh nodded, swallowing. "So what about the pictures?"

"Right or wrong, Horatio was just trying to protect you. Perhaps I made an error in judgment, but if anything had happened to you … I don't know if I could live with seeing him wear that pain on his face. He's had more than his fair share."

"I'm not blaming you," Calleigh said gently. "I just wish he would've told me. He's always trying to protect me."

"And he always will," Yelina replied. "You can count on that for certain."

"Maybe that's the problem," Calleigh sighed.

"I don't follow?"

"We … we're not together anymore because of his … anyway, I shouldn't be … I mean, I'm sorry to have bothered you about this," Calleigh said quickly, getting up. "I should've just taken this up with Horatio himself."

"It's no bother, Calleigh," Yelina said, rising with her. "You've always been his top CSI. I know you're a good cop, and I'm grateful for what you've done for Horatio. It's more than I could …"

"Yelina, you mean more to him than I think you know," Calleigh said, steeling back tears. "I should … I should go."

"I'm sorry," Yelina said, walking with her toward the door. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about all this."

"It wasn't your place, it was his."

"Do you think Horatio's in trouble?"

"I don't know," Calleigh sighed. "But I'm afraid to find out."

Horatio Caine turned the corner, heading for booking. He and Eric had just nailed Nicholas Pike for murder, but he couldn't get what the man said out of his head:

"This life, we only get one go around. They all wasted it. They were never really alive. I did them a favor."

His words made Horatio wonder — was he really alive? Was he wasting his life away, living in fear. The thoughts plagued him as he gave the desk sergeant the paperwork and waited, looking around the lab, seeing his CSIs hard at work. The sound of an elevator caught his attention, and out came the one person that he knew he wanted to live his life for.

"Hey," Horatio said with a half-smile. He hadn't seen her much in the past few days, and he'd missed her. But instead of the cheerful "hey" he usually received back, he got a sad stare as Calleigh nodded and looked down, walking past him quickly. "Calleigh?" he called, but she didn't stop. He turned to the desk sergeant, saying, "Would you mind finishing that up? I have something to take care of."

"No problem, lieutenant."

Horatio followed Calleigh down the hall, finally catching up with her. "Calleigh?" he called again, and she relented this time, turning around. He could see the pain on her face.

"Why didn't you come to me?" she asked, frustrated.

"What are you—"

"Stetler – I had to find out from Stetler that you hired your sister-in-law to take pictures of me and Jake."

"I … I can explain."

"Yea," she half-laughed, but he could tell she was still angry. "I know you can. The same way you explained why we had to end our relationship?"

"Calleigh don't—"

"You know what, Horatio? I'm just tired of this little dance you and I are having," she started angrily. Horatio looked around quickly.

"Not here," he whispered, and she looked down, then walked into the interrogation room across the hall. He followed, but she continued to look out the window.

"I have … tried so hard to get you to open up to me — and not because I want to pry or satisfy some flighty curiosity," she said, tears in her eyes. "It's because I love you," she added, turning to face him, "and I don't want you to be alone for the rest of your life."

"Please, don't—"

"Horatio," she cut him off, moving toward him, tears in her eyes. "I know you're walking a lonely road, and I used to think I could walk that road with you. But you violated my trust."

"No, I'm sorry—"

"It's too late for that now," she rasped, placing a finger on his lips. "I still love you, Horatio, but if you're not willing … to be in a partnership, romantic or not … then it's not going to work. We have to hang together, Horatio."

"I … I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything," she whispered. "I'll always be here for you, but Jake and I … we're going to try to make it work somehow … because I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone."

Horatio swallowed, looking down. "I, um… just, uh, be careful."

"With Stetler? Yea, I know. We will."

"Good," he replied. "OK, um, so… I'll see you later?"

"I'll see you tomorrow," Calleigh said, giving him one last look before walking away, leaving him alone in the interrogation room. He looked back, then moved toward the window, his face pained.

On her way back to the elevator, Calleigh ran into Ryan.

"Hey," he said. "you OK?"

"Um … yea, I'm fine," she said, forcing a smile. "Good to see you back with us, Ryan."

"Yea, well, I guess I have H to thank for that."

"I guess you do," she said.

"I actually was hoping to talk to him. Have you seen him?"

"He's uh … he's down the hall," she said quickly.

"OK, then," Ryan said, arching an eyebrow. He knew something was up. "You sure you're OK?" 

"I'm fine," she said, forcing another smile. "Go find Horatio. I'm sure he'll be glad to see you."

"OK," Ryan said hesitantly. "I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow, Cal."

"Bright and early, Ryan," she said, waving to him before heading toward the elevator.

Horatio felt the young CSI come up behind him, but he was distracted by the scene before him. He watched helplessly as Calleigh and Jake walked out of the crime lab, briefly touching hands before heading to their cars. It killed him to see her with someone else – and someone so much like Ray.

"Good to have you back Mr. Wolfe," he finally rasped, but his mind was still elsewhere.

"It's good to be back," Ryan replied. "You went to bat for me. I'm never gonna forget that."

Remembering back to what he said to Calleigh on the steps of the crime lab, just after Ryan's first day on the job, Horatio replied, "It's in your blood isn't it? Never forget that."

"I won't."

All Horatio could think about was what Calleigh had said to him just moments ago. He hated himself for letting her down. 

"Mr. Wolfe," he choked out, still thinking about Calleigh's words, "at the end of the day, if we don't hang together, we'll die alone."

The finality of the statement hung in the air as he continued looking out the window, briefly catching Calleigh's gaze before she got into her car. He gave her a pleading look, and saw her swallow as she offered him a soft look. But his heart fell as she shook her head and broke their gaze, getting into her car and driving away. For the first time in nine months, he felt truly alone.


End file.
